Part 7 (2/2)

”It doesn't feel like having a meme,” she said. ”I ran One True for years, and that whole time I felt like I was just crouched in a corner in the back of my brain, unable to do anything but watch. Now I feel like I run the showa-I just have a very useful, friendly voice in my head that gets me through things. And on very rare occasions, One True calls me up, but now it calls to talk, it doesn't take over my head.”

”Well,” I said, stupidly, repeating the obvious because I couldn't think of anything else to say, ”you really don't come across as a person with a meme.”

”Neither do most of the people with Resuna,” she said. ”I can't promise you, when you turn, that you'll like it, but I can promise it will be different from what most people imagine. I'd think that would be sort of a relief, because most people imagine horrible things.”

I agreed that that was true, and we walked for a while longer. Eventually, looking for something to talk about, we talked about how big the geosynch cable really was, up closea-on most of the Earth, of course, the night view of a geosynch cable was just a black vertical line ascending from the horizon, suddenly turning to brilliant silver somewhere in the sky; the silver line continued on up to where it was capped by a burning white dot, the size of a BB shot held at arm's length. But here, right by it, it looked like a mountain with no top; it was almost a mile thick and went right up into the sky farther than you could see, to something that looked like a tiny half moon right overhead.

I didn't feel much for her, or anything, but Mary was company, and that was pleasant. She didn't seem to be doing any of the things that a person with a meme was usually compelled to do, like trying to persuade me to join her or acquire the meme, which meant either that Resuna was subtle and crafty, or just possibly it really wasn't as terrible as the other memes were.

Always a.s.suming she was telling the truth at all.

”I bet,” she said, ”that you are wondering about whether my copy of Resuna is going to try to grab control of you. Am I right?”

”Exactly right,” I admitted.

”Well, you aren't going to believe this,” Mary said, moving just enough closer to me so I couldn't help being aware of her compact, slightly heavy body. ”But it's true, anyway. Resuna is a sterile meme, by design. It has to be loaded into people. It can't load itself or spread by itself. Like a seedless orange or a mulea-purely a useful creation, not an independent form of its own.”

”Why?” I asked, really curious about something for the first time in a long time.

”Because reproductive neurocode for a meme, not to mention the neurocode for reproductive motivation, takes up enormous amounts of s.p.a.ce in human memory,” she said, ”and Resuna no longer needs to be able to reproduce itself, because it isn't going to have to spread by memetic contagion anymore. The global system and One True can reproduce Resuna as needed. The whole idea of Resuna is that it's no bigger than necessarya-it leaves you as much room in your head as it can.”

”Why doesn't it just leave you the whole thing?”

She shrugged. ”What kind of world have people made, running their own lives?”

I thought about that as it got dark and we traveled on. I was more troubled than I wanted to admit by my inability to come up with any answer that was as good an argument as the ones she had right to hand: half the domes on Earth wrecked, hundreds of millions dead, so much of the progress made by the two Reconstruction generations completely undone, the colonies and all the off-Earth industrial production lost, species extinct by the thousands, the glaciers eating away at one hemisphere while warming destroyed the other, the human population itself riddled with near-helpless lunatics who had been so traumatized that they could no longer even take care of themselvesa-the list went on for a very long time, and against that, all I could say was, ”But I'm used to being me.”

”And I'm used to being me,” Mary said, ”and I still am me. Just me with more self-control, and the ability to work with my whole heart for the common survivala-and because everyone else will have Resuna, I also know I'm going to be working with other people who are also giving one hundred percent to it. Do you realize how much difference that makes? No worries, at all, about other people cheating on the social contracta-so when you do the right thing, you'll never feel like a sucker. No doubts about how other people are feeling. You get to be your best self, and you can depend on them to be their best selves.”

”Uh, you're not sounding like a meme, but you are sounding like a PR department somewhere wrote your dialogue.”

She giggled, and it was a healthy natural sound. ”Yeah, sorry. Resuna spends a certain amount of its effort in persuading the people who have it that they're better off with it. I'm afraid we all do speak with some of the same phrases, and some of them aren't very natural. But Resuna will get smarter. And I'm really not kidding; having it in your head doesn't mean you're not you, which does make it different from most other memes.”

I thought about that one as it got darker. We talked about other trivial stuff, where our lives had taken us, what we had done. I said just enough about having lost Tammy and Carrie so that I figured she wouldn't bring it up; she told me that she'd been a novice in an Unreconstructed Catholic convent. When One True had invaded and captured her area, the convent was given as a reward to a mercenary company, for seventy-two hours of the sort of thing that used to happen in those last years of the war. At the end of the three days, the survivors were all turned by One True. She had One True for a long time after that, ”which was probably better than crying and screaming and lying in the fetal position, because I'm here and I'm functioning now. And One True did do some repairs to me, and now Resuna's coming along with fixing up the rest of me, I guess you could say. At least it seems like it's done enough repairs to be able to give me more freedom.”

”More freedom?” I asked. I wasn't used to thinking of that in connection with One True.

The sun was gone. Our road was lighted in front of us by the glow of the city below. She moved closer, and I felt her hand very tentatively touching mine. A minute later we were holding hands, and that seemed pleasant, after years alone. If this was how One True was going to come after the unturned population, in these new days of Resuna, well, it was much nicer than being netted, sedated, and brainwashed.

I thought she had just droplined me, after I asked my question, maybe because she was offended. But then she said, ”Well, I guess it depends on what you mean by freedom. Without One True I'd have been free to do whatever I wanted, but all I wanted to do was sit and cry. With One True, I at least got some of my life restarted, and was useful, and meanwhile I could be huddled up inside, crying at first, and then thras.h.i.+ng things out, and finally getting better, while not being either a danger to myself or a burden on everyone else. And now with Resuna I'm free to do and be so many more things, but I feel safer knowing that if I'm about to do something stupid, or crazy, or dangerous, it will stop mea-probably just by talking to me and persuading me that it's not in my best interests. So I'm free to not be miserable, or useless, and I'm free to not spend all of my time coping with what happened to me and my friends, and most of all I'm free to make myself useful and effective and someone I can like. That's Um more freedom than I had when I felt compelled to rock and sob.”

”I can see how you would feel that way,” I said, and couldn't help thinking that if Tammy and Carrie had survived, somehow, they too would have been living down gruesome memories for a long time, and might well have welcomed anything at all that gave them a way to function and to shut down some of the pain.

”Well,” she said, ”and it's done other good things for me. Can I be honest with you?”

”I think I'd prefer it,” I said, ”if Resuna will let you.”

”Silly, it's the one that suggested being honest.” She drew a deep breath and pressed down on my hand, so that we walked even closer to each other. ”The thing is, it's hard to explain,” she said, ”and I'm afraid it might upset you, but I'd rather have you know it than not. I was a virgina-hadn't even been kisseda-when I entered the convent. Then I got gang-raped for several hours, and some other stuff.” She said it with about as much emotion as most people mention having their wisdom teeth out. ”After I got turned to One True, I never had s.e.x, and I haven't had s.e.x since I turned from One True to Resuna, but Resuna says I'm ready if I want to, and, well, gee, I'm healthy and twenty-two and a uh, see, Resuna and One True have really good information about me, and good information about many people they haven't turned yet, and a oh, well, look, One True picked you out for me. Since I was already here in Quito, it's where my job is and all, and they knew you were applying, they sent me up here to meet you. And I think you're really great-looking and you've been so nice and wella-there. Now I told you. But I approached you all on my own. Really. I just got some hints about what to say from Resuna. So if we, you know, do it, you'll be with me, not with Resuna, and we don't have to rush or anything if youa-”

”Whoa,” I said. I was still holding her hand, and she was pressed close against me; we weren't moving very fast. ”Resuna, or One True, or somebody, picked me out of all the guys on Earth?”

When she responded her voice was oddly flata-more mechanical than it would have been with most other memes. Because Resuna is relatively small, it doesn't have much fine control on things like inflection. ”Actually you were picked out of the eligible unattached men who would be pa.s.sing through Quito this week. Mary Roder has a common problem that comes up during recovery; in the process of healing and learning to look forward to her future again, she has begun to romanticize more than would be optimal for a healthy emotional life. She needs to have an experience with someone who will not be rough, impatient, or rude, but whom she sees as strong enough to protect hera-basically a sensation of complete safetya-but she needs to not fall too completely in love. So a handsome, kind, courteous stranger is what is called for, and that is you, Currie Curran. If you don't wish to do this, we'll find someone else without much difficulty, but you were the first choice. And we of One True know enough of your life to know that you must be very lonely and unhappy; an evening with company and affection would hardly harm you.”

”Can Mary hear you saying this?”

”No. In just a few minutes she'll become conscious without realizing that she walked this distance with you while unconscious. Meanwhile, do you want to do this? If not, she can lose interest.”

I thought about it for a moment. It was strange to have my arm around her waist while another mind talked for her. She wasn't really my type, I suppose, but it had been a long time, and I was lonely, and the thought of being all alone in some anonymous hotel was unattractive. ”I'd like to,” I said. ”And I'll be as gentle and patient as you need me to be.”

”As Mary needs you to be,” Resuna corrected me. ”And you would not have been selected had we not known what we do of your past. Your feelings are very straightforward, reasonable ones; you love those who love you back, you hate those who hurt them, you give your loyalty to things you think are worthy. It's that simplicity which Mary Roder needs.

”Before I bring Mary Roder's personality back, there are two things you need to know. First, you may either continue this relations.h.i.+p or not; we will see that the memory is a good one for Mary, as long as you help by creating pleasant experiences to work with. If you do wish to continue, you may stay with Mary after you are turned.

”Second, and this is very important: the cue phrase that enables Resuna to take over and deal with emotional distress is *Let overwrite, let override.' If Mary appears to become hysterical or catatonic, if she acts in ways that seem unusual or unhealthy, if she begins to cry uncontrollably or shows any other sign of real distress, speak that phrase, firmly, until she hears it. That will bring Resuna to the front of her mind to deal with the crisis.”

”You can't just come on your own?”

”Resuna is systematically limited; if it had the power to overpower human minds, it would have the power to contemplate resistance to One True, and that cannot be permitted. Do you have any question?”

”No, I don't.”

”A public diskster will pick you both up in a few minutes. It will take you to Buenos Aires Dome, where there's a hotel room waiting. No chargea-it is One True's way of thanking you for helping Mary.”

I walked along with her body, around a slow bend in the road, for maybe ten minutes, turning the alternatives over in my head. I was really not seeing any likelihood of any problems I couldn't handle, and the idea was more attractive every time I thought it through. At last I said, ”All right, I'll do it.”

”Remember,” the Resuna voice said, ”Mary Roder will not remember we had this conversation, and as far as she is concerned, the last seventeen minutes and twenty seconds never happened. Enjoy yourself, treat Mary well, and remember you have One True's grat.i.tude. Are you ready for me to release her back into her body?”

”I guess so.”

With a subtle s.h.i.+ft in her body, Mary regained control and consciousness. ”Since I was already here in Quito, it's where my job is and all, and they knew you were applying, they sent me up here to meet you. And I think you're really great-looking and you've been so nice and wella-there. Now I told you. But I approached you all on my own. Really. I just got some hints about what to say from Resuna. So if we, you know, do it, you'll be with me, not with Resuna, and we don't have to rush or anything if you want to take your time and get to know each other first. What do you think?”

”I think I ought to com for a nice high-speed diskster, and hire it on my credit to take us somewhere nice, have dinner on the diskster, spend a while looking at scenery and messing around, check into a hotel room, mess around some more, and just kind of see what happens,” I said. ”Have you ever been to Buenos Aires?”

<> ”So what exactly happened?” Dave asked. ”You woke up the next morning with a jack in your head, or she talked you into talking to a terminal for a while, or you fell in love and decided to stay?”

”Mostly that last one,” I said. ”Mary was very attentive and very affectionate. And I was just twenty-five, even if I was a widower, and I'd only ever been with Tammy before, and it had been years, and so at first I was probably just there for the s.e.x and the not being lonely part. Then I got kind of hooked on being her hero, I guess you'd have to say, and after that I started to see that she really needed mea-and by then it was November 15, a beautiful spring in Buenos Aires, the warmest on recorda-and way too late to make any plans to run away, and so one evening I came back from having a jack put in, and we made love, and she plugged me into the phone and held my hand, and when I woke up I was turned, and running Resuna. We held a party to celebrate. And now we've been married twenty-three years. And this is the first time since 2062 I've really had a free thought about whether or not I like her, or what kind of a wife she's been.”

Dave nodded slowly, as if digesting the whole situation. ”What do you think?”

”I think I miss her at the moment. I hope she's not too worried. I'd like to see her again.”

He smiled. ”Well, good, then. Another gla.s.s?”

”Pos f.u.c.kin' def.”

”And can I trust you not to tie me up and turn me in if we get very drunk tonight?”

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