Part 20 (1/2)

[Ill.u.s.tration]

HEART DISEASE. An excellent complaint for killing off a villain. If you wish to pave the way for it artistically, this is the recognised method: On page 100 he will falter in the middle of a sentence, grow pale, and press his hand sharply to his side. In a moment he will have recovered, and will a.s.sure his anxious friends that it is nothing. But the reader knows better. He has met the same premonitory symptoms in scores of novels, and he will not be in the least surprised when, on the middle of page 250, the villain suddenly drops dead.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

UNPOPULAR GAME AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY.--”High-sky-high!”

A ROUGH WINE.--Rude-sheimer.

NERVOUS.--Mrs. Malaprop was induced to go to a music hall the other evening. She never means to set foot in one again. The extortions some of the performers threw themselves into quite upset her.

MOTTO FOR A MODEL MUSIC-HALL ENTERTAINMENT.--”Everything in its 'turn'

and nothing long.”

[Ill.u.s.tration: BREAKING IT GENTLY.--_His Cousins._ ”We sent off the wire to stop your model coming. But you had put one word too many--so we struck it out.”

_Real Artist._ ”Oh, indeed. What word did you strike out?”

_His Cousins._ ”You had written 'he wasn't to come, as you had only just discovered you couldn't paint to-day.' So we crossed out '_to-day_.'”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE STATE OF THE MARKET.--_Artist_ (_to customer_, _who has come to buy on behalf of a large furnis.h.i.+ng firm in Tottenham Court Road_): ”How would this suit you? 'Summer'!”

_Customer_: ”H'm--'Summer.' Well, sir, the fact is we find there's very little demand for _green_ goods just now. If you had a line of _autumn tints_ now--that's the article we find most sale for among our customers!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Our Amateur Romeo_ (_who has taken a cottage in the country, so as to be able to study without interruption_). ”Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon----”

_Owner of rubicund countenance_ (_popping head over the hedge_), ”Beg pardon, zur! Be you a talkin' to Oi, zur?”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: BITTERS AT THE CLUB

_MacStodge_ (_Pictor ignotus_). ”Who's that going out?”

_O'Duffer_ (_Pictor ignotissimus_). ”One Ernest Raphael Sopely, who painted Lady Midas!”

_MacStodge._ ”Oh, the artist!”