Volume Ix Part 88 (1/2)

SCAENA NONA.

APPEt.i.tUS: [_to him enter_] AUDITUS _with a candlestick_.

APP. What, more anger? Auditus got abroad too?

AUD. Take this abuse at base Olfactus' hands?

What, did he challenge me to meet me here, And is not come? well, I'll proclaim the slave The vilest dastard that e'er broke his word.

But stay, yonder's Appet.i.tus.

APP. I pray you, Auditus, what ails you?

AUD. Ha, ha!

APP. What ails you?

AUD. Ha! what say'st thou?

APP. Who hath abused you thus?

AUD. Why dost thou whisper thus? Canst not speak out?

APP. Save me, I had clean forgotten. Why are you so angry, Auditus?

AUD. Bite us! who dare bite us?

APP. I talk of no biting; I say, what's the matter between Olfactus and you?

AUD. Will Olfactus bite me? do, if he dares; would he would meet me here according to his promise! Mine ears are somewhat thick of late; I pray thee, speak out louder.

APP. Ha, ha, ha, ha! this is fine, i'faith: ha, ha, ha! Hear you, have you lost your ears at supper?

AUD. Excellent cheer at supper, I confess it; But when 'tis sauc'd with sour contentions, And breeds such quarrels, 'tis intolerable.

APP. Pish, pish, this is my question: hath your supper spoiled your hearing?

AUD. Hearing at supper? tell not me of hearing?

But if thou saw'st Olfactus, bring me to him.

APP. I ask you, whether you have lost your hearing?

AUD. O, dost thou hear them ring? what a grief is this Thus to be deaf, and lose such harmony.

Wretched Auditus, now shalt thou never hear The pleasing changes that a well-tun'd chord Of trolling bells will make, when they are rung.

APP. Here's ado indeed! I think he's mad, as well as drunk or deaf.

AUD. Ha, what's that?

APP. I say you have made me hoa.r.s.e with speaking so loud.

AUD. Ha, what say'st thou of a creaking crowd?[307]