Volume Ix Part 79 (2/2)

or you make fewer gentlemen, Master Herald, for you have spent all my devices already. But since you are here, let me ask you a question in your own profession: how comes it to pa.s.s that the victorious arms of England, quartered with the conquered coat of France, are not placed on the dexter side, but give the flower-de-luce the better hand?

HER. Because that the three lions are one coat made of two French dukedoms, Normandy and Aquitain.

[PHA.][264] But I pray you, Visus, what joy is that, that follows him?

VIS. 'Tis Colour, an object of mine, subject to his commandment.

PHA. Why speaks he not?

VIS. He is so bashful, he dares not speak for blus.h.i.+ng: What thing is that? tell me without delay.

BOY. That's nothing of itself, yet every way As like a man as a thing like may be: And yet so unlike as clean contrary, For in one point it every way doth miss, The right side of it a man's left side is; 'Tis lighter than a feather, and withal It fills no place nor room, it is so small.

COM. SEN. How now, Visus, have you brought a boy with a riddle to pose us all?

PHA. Pose us all, and I here? That were a jest indeed. My lord, if he have a Sphinx, I have an Oedipus, a.s.sure yourself; let's hear it once again.

BOY. What thing is that, sir, &c.

PHA. This such a knotty enigma? Why, my lord, I think 'tis a woman, for first a woman is nothing of herself, and, again, she is likest a man of anything.

COM. SEN. But wherein is she unlike?

PHA. In everything: in peevishness, in folly. 'St, boy?

HEU. In pride, deceit, prating, lying, cogging, coyness, spite, hate, sir.

PHA. And in many more such vices. Now, he may well say, the left side a man's right side is, for a cross wife is always contrary to her husband, ever contradicting what he wisheth for, like to the verse in Martial, _Velle tuum_.

MEM. _Velle tuum nolo, Dindyme, nolle volo_.

PHA. Lighter than a feather--doth any man make question of that?

MEM. They need not, for I remember I saw a cardinal weigh them once, and the woman was found three grains lighter.

COM. SEN. 'Tis strange, for I have seen gentlewomen wear feathers oftentimes. Can they carry heavier things than themselves?

MEM. O, sir, I remember, 'tis their only delight to do so.

COM. SEN. But how apply you the last verse? it fills no place, sir.

PHA. By my faith, that spoils all the former, for these farthingales take up all the room now-a-days; 'tis not a woman, questionless. Shall I be put down with a riddle? Sirrah Heuresis, search the corners of your conceit, and find it me quickly.

HEU. Eh, [Greek: heureka, heureka] I have it: 'tis a man's face in a looking-gla.s.s.

PHA. My lord, 'tis so indeed. Sirrah let's see it, for do you see my right eye here?

COM. SEN. What of your eye?

PHA. O lord, sir, this kind of frown is excellent, especially when 'tis sweetened with such a pleasing smile.

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