Part 17 (2/2)
”Did you tell him where we are?”
”Yes; and he felt as I do, that this is not a good place for you.
Pratt has the reputation of entertaining sensational characters, and it will be a miracle if you are not exploited to the press.”
Her face clouded again. ”Oh, I am so tired of having people look at me and shrug and whisper. I am so tired of having this abnormal thing reflected in the eyes of all my visitors. I wish I could become commonplace--without the slightest thing queer about me. Sometimes I feel like taking a dose of poison and ending it all.”
”Don't do that,” Britt replied, soberly. ”You mustn't even say such a thing. I wish I could help you, but I see no way so long as your own parents and Clarke himself are your guides; but if at any time you will give me the authority”--here his voice became stern--”I will see that you are not troubled by any outside influence.”
”You are very kind,” she said, but her face expressed only a troubled liking, and he pressed her hand in both of his and silently went away.
Young Clinton Ward also came seeking, boyish, eager, contemptuous of any barrier so illusory as the fact of her trances, which she confessed to him. Her words hardly impressed themselves on his mind, and he replied, flippantly: ”That cuts no ice with me. You couldn't be anything I wouldn't like. You're living too close and your nerves are sort of frazzled. What you need is a jolly good time. Come back to Boston and forget all about this business. Come, I want folks to meet you. My mother knows how I feel about you, and is crazy to see you.”
”What would she say if she knew what I have told you?” she asked, bitterly.
”She won't mind--after she sees you,” he answered, loyally. ”No one can know you without--without--Oh, hang it, Viola, you know what I mean. Nothing matters when you love a person. I want you, no matter what any one says. And, besides, I don't see why you can't just chuck the whole blooming business. I'll chuck Clarke out o' the window, if you say the word. He's just trying to work you, and--”
”You mustn't talk that way, Clinton.”
”Why not? It's true.”
”Well, because--” She hesitated, then said, as if to end her own uncertainty: ”I am committed to this life--and to him. My way is marked out, and I must walk in it.”
The young fellow was hard hit. He sat looking at her with eyes of consternation and awe. He tried to speak, but could not for a little while; at last he made a second trial. ”Do you mean--you _don't_ mean--”
”Yes, I mean--all you think I mean,” she answered, and then her fort.i.tude failed her, and she turned away, her eyes filled with hot tears.
He rose awkwardly, all his jaunty self-confidence gone. ”I take my medicine. It's all right. I hope you'll be happy--” He broke off with quivering lips.
”I shall never be happy,” she said, and the very calmness of her voice went to the boy's heart. ”I've given up all hope of being anything but an instrument--a thing whose wishes do not count. Good-bye, Clint,”
and she gave her hand.
He took it and pressed it hard and went out into the street, staggering under the weight of the revelation he had received.
Viola was fond of Clinton--his simple, wholesome, untroubled nature appealed to her--and yet this very ingenuousness, this ready confidence, made her own life and daily habit seem the more forbidding. She understood now the insuperable barrier which had been raised between herself and the careless youth of the normal world.
In this hour of depression, as in many others, her mind went out towards Morton Serviss. Britt's mention of the young scientist's name seemed to bring him very near, and she wondered again for the hundredth time whether he had entirely forgotten her or not. Would he call, now that he was informed of her presence in the city? She knew (almost as well as if he had written it) the reason for his hasty flight from Colorow, and with a knowledge that he considered her a freak if not something worse she could not write to him, although she still had his card and address.
He was a greater man in the world than when he visited their mountain home, for he had written a book which the critics called ”a great and implacable study of diseases and their uses.” She had not been able to read it, but she treasured it, nevertheless, and longed to meet him again, to lay her case before him, to ask his advice, not with regard to whether she should go on with her music, but whether her life was worth continuing--for there were times when she secretly considered the morality of making an end of it. It was in the hope of drawing him again to her side that she asked Clarke to include him in the list of scientific men to whom he was planning to send a printed copy of his oration and challenge--after their delivery--and to her mother she said: ”I would not be so nervous if I knew that Dr. Serviss were on the committee; I know he would be just and considerate, even if he does despise mediums.”
”He's exactly the one,” responded Mrs. Lambert, with enthusiasm. ”I wonder Tony hasn't spoken of him. Grandfather will be delighted, I'm sure.”
V
KATE VISITS VIOLA
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