Part 8 (1/2)
FACE. Why, would you be A gallant, and not game?
KAS. Ay, 'twill spend a man.
FACE. Spend you! it will repair you when you are spent: How do they live by their wits there, that have vented Six times your fortunes?
KAS. What, three thousand a-year!
FACE. Ay, forty thousand.
KAS. Are there such?
FACE. Ay, sir, And gallants yet. Here's a young gentleman Is born to nothing, -- [POINTS TO DAPPER.] forty marks a year, Which I count nothing: -- he is to be initiated, And have a fly of the doctor. He will win you, By unresistible luck, within this fortnight, Enough to buy a barony. They will set him Upmost, at the groom porter's, all the Christmas: And for the whole year through, at every place, Where there is play, present him with the chair; The best attendance, the best drink; sometimes Two gla.s.ses of Canary, and pay nothing; The purest linen, and the sharpest knife, The partridge next his trencher: and somewhere The dainty bed, in private, with the dainty. You shall have your ordinaries bid for him, As play-houses for a poet; and the master Pray him aloud to name what dish he affects, Which must be b.u.t.ter'd shrimps: and those that drink To no mouth else, will drink to his, as being The goodly president mouth of all the board.
KAS. Do you not gull one?
FACE. 'Ods my life! do you think it? You shall have a cast commander, (can but get In credit with a glover, or a spurrier, For some two pair of either's ware aforehand,) Will, by most swift posts, dealing [but] with him, Arrive at competent means to keep himself, His punk and naked boy, in excellent fas.h.i.+on, And be admired for't.
KAS. Will the doctor teach this?
FACE. He will do more, sir: when your land is gone, As men of spirit hate to keep earth long, In a vacation, when small money is stirring, And ordinaries suspended till the term, He'll shew a perspective, where on one side You shall behold the faces and the persons Of all sufficient young heirs in town, Whose bonds are current for commodity; On th' other side, the merchants' forms, and others, That without help of any second broker, Who would expect a share, will trust such parcels: In the third square, the very street and sign Where the commodity dwells, and does but wait To be deliver'd, be it pepper, soap, Hops, or tobacco, oatmeal, woad, or cheeses. All which you may so handle, to enjoy To your own use, and never stand obliged.
KAS. I'faith! is he such a fellow?
FACE. Why, Nab here knows him. And then for making matches for rich widows, Young gentlewomen, heirs, the fortunat'st man! He's sent to, far and near, all over England, To have his counsel, and to know their fortunes.
KAS. G.o.d's will, my suster shall see him.
FACE. I'll tell you, sir, What he did tell me of Nab. It's a strange thing: -- By the way, you must eat no cheese, Nab, it breeds melancholy, And that same melancholy breeds worms; but pa.s.s it: -- He told me, honest Nab here was ne'er at tavern But once in's life!
DRUG. Truth, and no more I was not.
FACE. And then he was so sick -- DRUG. Could he tell you that too?
FACE. How should I know it?
DRUG. In troth we had been a shooting, And had a piece of fat ram-mutton to supper, That lay so heavy o' my stomach -- FACE. And he has no head To bear any wine; for what with the noise of the fidlers, And care of his shop, for he dares keep no servants -- DRUG. My head did so ach -- FACE. And he was fain to be brought home, The doctor told me: and then a good old woman -- DRUG. Yes, faith, she dwells in Sea-coal-lane, -- did cure me, With sodden ale, and pellitory of the wall; Cost me but two-pence. I had another sickness Was worse than that.
FACE. Ay, that was with the grief Thou took'st for being cess'd at eighteen-pence, For the water-work.
DRUG. In truth, and it was like T' have cost me almost my life.
FACE. Thy hair went off?
DRUG. Yes, sir; 'twas done for spight.
FACE. Nay, so says the doctor.
KAS. Pray thee, tobacco-boy, go fetch my suster; I'll see this learned boy before I go; And so shall she.
FACE. Sir, he is busy now: But if you have a sister to fetch hither, Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner; And he by that time will be free.
KAS. I go.
[EXIT.]
FACE. Drugger, she's thine: the damask! -- [EXIT ABEL.] Subtle and I Must wrestle for her. [ASIDE.] -- Come on, master Dapper, You see how I turn clients here away, To give your cause dispatch; have you perform'd The ceremonies were enjoin'd you?
DAP. Yes, of the vinegar, And the clean s.h.i.+rt.
FACE. 'Tis well: that s.h.i.+rt may do you More wors.h.i.+p than you think. Your aunt's a-fire, But that she will not shew it, t' have a sight of you. Have you provided for her grace's servants?
DAP. Yes, here are six score Edward s.h.i.+llings.
FACE. Good!
DAP. And an old Harry's sovereign.
FACE. Very good!
DAP. And three James s.h.i.+llings, and an Elizabeth groat, Just twenty n.o.bles.
FACE. O, you are too just. I would you had had the other n.o.ble in Maries.
DAP. I have some Philip and Maries.
FACE. Ay, those same Are best of all: where are they? Hark, the doctor.
[ENTER SUBTLE, DISGUISED LIKE A PRIEST OF FAIRY, WITH A STRIPE OF CLOTH.]
SUB [IN A FEIGNED VOICE]. Is yet her grace's cousin come?
FACE. He is come.
SUB. And is he fasting?
FACE. Yes.
SUB. And hath cried hum?
FACE. Thrice, you must answer.
DAP. Thrice.
SUB. And as oft buz?
FACE. If you have, say.
DAP. I have.
SUB. Then, to her cuz, Hoping that he hath vinegar'd his senses, As he was bid, the Fairy queen dispenses, By me, this robe, the petticoat of fortune; Which that he straight put on, she doth importune. And though to fortune near be her petticoat, Yet nearer is her smock, the queen doth note: And therefore, ev'n of that a piece she hath sent Which, being a child, to wrap him in was rent; And prays him for a scarf he now will wear it, With as much love as then her grace did tear it, About his eyes, [THEY BLIND HIM WITH THE RAG,] to shew he is fortunate. And, trusting unto her to make his state, He'll throw away all worldly pelf about him; Which that he will perform, she doth not doubt him.