Part 6 (1/2)
I wiped the tears from my eyes.
16.
”Another thing an artist must understand,” said Jim Ed, popping out of his trance, ready to get back to the business of painting, ”is the role that light plays. It's important in order to produce a realistic work. You have to figure out how to ”light” the image you're going to paint and how the variation of light falling on the image affects it, then how to capture the light on the canvas or paper. It's harder than you may think. Takes some skill. Capturing just the right light, on just the right spots on the canvas, is vital. You know why?”
I scratched my head. ”I would guess that light probably has something to do with setting the tone.”
”Partially,” he said. ”Light not only creates the atmosphere that you're painting, but it reveals and illuminates. And there are different kinds of light-direct light, reflected light, and shadow. Yet in all aspects, the job of light in painting is to reveal something about the work-something that the artist wants to bring out.”
”Oooookay,” I said slowly, curious of where he was going with this one. By now I was quite certain it was somewhere other than painting.
”There are things the light wants to reveal. Areas of your life. The problem is light is painful until you adjust. Men love darkness because light reveals truth about them and it stings.
”You know how I said that you are made up of seventy percent water and you need water to survive? Well, just like we need water to survive, we also need light to survive. It helps us see and gives us the energy and warmth we require to exist. Just as sure as I am painting this portrait, our ole earth and all the life on it would gradually die without light. But you know what else light does?”
”You've got me thinking.”
”Light doesn't just reveal, it consumes darkness. When you walk into a dark room what's the first thing you do?”
”Turn on the light.”
”And when you do, that darkness just skedaddles right on outta there, doesn't it? Darkness can't take the light.”
”So what's the punch line?”
”Well, if you are going to have a beautiful life portrait, Adam, a masterpiece, you must let light s.h.i.+ne in the right spots on your life canvas. It reveals things that need to be chipped away-everything that isn't the David in you. That's what it means to live in the light. For some folk, the atmosphere of their life painting is dominated by the gloomy shadows of negative thinking-bitterness, prejudice, arrogance, jealousy, anger, selfishness, hatred-even hatred for themselves-you name it, all sorts of poisonous att.i.tudes. These poisonous att.i.tudes flourish in the darkness, so it's imperative to open up and let light s.h.i.+ne on our canvas to reveal those dark spots.
”If I see that this painting in front of me needs more light, then I can add some strategic brushstrokes and change the whole mood of it. When a person lets G.o.d brushstroke His light on their canvas, the whole mood of their life changes too. G.o.d's light reveals truth and helps us see in ways we've never seen before. And no matter how dark your life may seem, when you receive His truth and walk with G.o.d, He will always give you the light you need for where you are, even if you're in a place of pain and difficulty. Can be painful at times though, letting the light reveal things we don't like about ourselves, but we need His light to survive.”
”You sure you're not a preacher?” I smirked.
”Nope, just a friend who wishes to pa.s.s down some of what I've learned through the years, to make somebody else's journey a little less b.u.mpy before I pa.s.s on. Won't be long now.”
”Don't talk like that. You're not dying.”
”At my age, I think I am. In truth, we all are. I'm just a lot closer than you...probably. But you never know. You could go before me. n.o.body knows when their time will be up. David prayed, 'teach us to number our days that we might gain a heart of wisdom.' All of our days are numbered, Adam, and I've heard Jesus calling my name. He and my sweetheart will be meeting me.”
”You like David, don't you,” I said.
”Yes sir, I do,” said Jim Ed. ”You see David is an Old Testament shadow of Christ. Really, the David in you, the masterpiece G.o.d wants to bring out, is Jesus. G.o.d wants to form us into the image of His Son. The more G.o.d s.h.i.+nes His light on us and chips away at us, the more we look like Jesus.”
”So how do I do all this?” I asked, my eyes misting up. ”You know...let G.o.d's light in? Let Him make me more like Jesus?”
”Again, it's simple Adam, but it's not easy. First, you have to know your ident.i.ty and then live your life in desperate dependence on Him. See G.o.d as your source for everything. I mean, you can't do a thing without Him, not a single thing. Feeding on His word and fellows.h.i.+p with Him becomes not just a religious duty or discipline. It becomes your lifeline, your very food for survival. He's your source for the breath of life when you get out of the bed in the morning. He's the source for your righteousness and your growth. He's your source for provision, both materially and emotionally. Bottom line is you can't do life without Him. He's your only hope.
”On your own you're weak, Adam, but understanding your weakness becomes your greatest strength when your security is in Him, when you are desperately dependent on Him. Don't pursue greatness or happiness, Adam, pursue G.o.d. That is the key to everything. When He is your security, supernatural things can happen.”
Jim Ed stopped talking to search for something in his cart.
”May I see your Bible?” I asked him. ”I'd like to look at it.”
”Sure,” he said, ”Love for you to.” He took it off his cart and handed it to me.
As I held the old, faded leather book in my hands, I realized this was more than just any old Bible. Flipping through the tattered pages, some were taped together, others were folded. There were hundreds of notes scribbled in the margins. Verses were circled and underlined in a myriad of colors. This Bible was a testament to Jim Ed's life. It was a part of who he was. Paige and I had started our marriage with G.o.d in the center, but over time, the pressing issues of life came up and choked out the things of G.o.d.
”I know this may seem elementary to you, Adam,” said Jim Ed, ”but G.o.d's Word is the light that He uses to s.h.i.+ne into our lives. It brings healing to our wounds. He allows us to see with fresh eyes. It's how He chips away everything that isn't David. It's G.o.d's love letter to us and a life map. If you want to get to know G.o.d, get to know His Word. Most Christians have heard that since they were knee high to a gra.s.shopper, still they feed on everything else but G.o.d's Word. Always seeking some new spiritual experience or revelation, but all you need to guide your life is right there in that book.”
On the inside of the back cover, I found a handwritten note from Christina in perfect calligraphy. I read it out loud.
December 20th, 1966 Jim Ed, Remember, your security is in Him, not in your apparent success. As you continue to go to Him for your security, He speaks and leads you. You see it as a weakness. G.o.d sees it as a strength. Maybe you being a little ”hungry” is what's needed for your calling, like your thorn in the flesh. You being ”desperately dependant” on G.o.d is your calling as a man. Do you know how few people hear from G.o.d and then act on it? Your obedience to His calling is trusting Him every day, step by step. He is real and He is using you. Praise His name. In that place of going to G.o.d for fulfillment, He gives you the gift of Him speaking to you. I'm proud of you, man of G.o.d!
Love, Christina I closed the Bible and handed it back to Jim Ed. Two single tears streamed down his cheeks.
”Like my Christina said, you have to be 'hungry' for G.o.d, desperately dependent on Him.” Jim Ed wiped his eyes. ”Most folks don't want to know the truth. Got itching ears. But a person has to make a decision to walk in the light. I remember the very first day I made the decision to really walk in the light. My life has never been the same since. I can tell you about it if you like.”
”I'm not moving.”
Jim Ed reached up and tightened the clips that were securing the watercolor paper. Then he bent over the painting and blew some puffs of air over a couple of spots. When he finished blowing, he again reached back into his past.
17.
On the next Sat.u.r.day after Jim Ed proposed, he, Willie, and Bo, decided to walk into town and catch a movie at the theater on Main Street. They hadn't driven because Mama Porter had taken the truck shopping. The three young men walked along the road and crossed Line Creek, which was a natural division that separated the black sections from the white sections. Once across the creek, they didn't walk through any white neighborhoods, but stayed alongside the main highway that led into town. It was only a couple miles into downtown where they were headed.
After a while, they walked up on Boyd's Phillip 66 service station and store and decided to cut through the parking lot to another street. It was a cinderblock building painted white, but the white was flaking and was stained orange from the cars kicking up dust in the parking lot. Out front were two faded green and yellow gas pumps. Next to the store was a grimy garage with tires and junk stacked everywhere. No one was getting gas, and the store was empty other than the four hundred-pound Mr. Boyd who was wearing a pair of overalls with no s.h.i.+rt underneath, sitting out front in a rusty patio chair. There was an old, torn-down car in the garage with a greasy mechanic leaning over it. Between the store and the garage were six white guys drinking beer and hanging out around a couple of pickup trucks. Jim Ed and his friend's first mistake had been cutting through the parking lot.
”Well lookie what we got coming here,” one of the white guys said in a loud voice, half drunk, while adjusting his John Deere cap and spitting a stream of tobacco juice on the ground. Lewis was his name and he took a step toward Jim Ed and his friends. ”Where you n.i.g.g.e.rs think you're going?”
”Keep walking,” Jim Ed whispered to Bo and Willie. ”Just ignore them.”
When Jim Ed said that, the guy in the John Deere cap stepped directly in front of them. The three young black men tried to step around him, but the other five whites blocked the path with their arms folded across their chests. It was the three against six.
”I asked you a question, boy. Where you n.i.g.g.e.rs think you're going?”
”Look,” Jim Ed said. ”We don't want no trouble. We're just going over to town to watch a movie.”
”Well it looks like you done gone and found yourself some trouble, now didn't you?”
”We juss pa.s.sing through,” Willie said.