Part 4 (1/2)
”You sure about that?”
”Of course I'm sure! I think that's something I'd remember. Look, I may not like myself, but I love my wife!”
”Did you know, Adam, there are adulteries of the heart? She trusted you emotionally, and you dishonored that trust. She gave you her heart and needed to feel significant, but instead felt betrayed. Your wife has put up walls and doesn't open up to you anymore because you have crushed her spirit. After being wounded time and time again, she doesn't feel safe around you any longer. n.o.body in their right mind will continue to allow themselves to be hurt over and over again like that. It's only natural that she would put up walls.”
”You talk like everything's my fault,” I declared. ”She's got issues too! She can be vicious!”
”You ever saw a caged possum?” asked Jim Ed.
”What?”
”Have you ever seen a caged possum?”
”Only in the movies,” I replied with an edge.
”They're sweet little things until they're backed into a corner and feel threatened.” Jim Ed formed his fingers into a claw. ”That's when the fangs come out.”
”Well the fangs are definitely out!”
Jim Ed stopped painting yet again and that familiar sternness came upon him. ”I'm absolutely aware that it's not all your fault,” he said. ”But right now we're talking about you, aren't we? What's done is done. There's no changing it. It's in the past. If there's any hope of healing your relations.h.i.+p, it's got to start with you.”
The old man's words were penetrating. This time I understood all too well what he was saying.
”If you want your wife to start opening up to you again, you have to start creating a safe place for her and begin valuing her. Give her your time and attention. You've got to prize her. You understand what I'm saying?”
I nodded.
”Outside of His own Son, that woman is G.o.d's greatest gift to you,” he continued. ”That is a fact. Your most valuable a.s.set. You want her to feel like the safest place emotionally in the whole world is with you. You gotta make her feel it. To do that you have to start seeing her as G.o.d sees her- with priceless value-like G.o.d sees you. Over time, when her spirit senses that you truly cherish and value her, she'll start to feel safe again. But it's going take some time. You can't fix in a weekend what took years to break. Then she's got a free will of her own.”
”It may be too late,” I said feeling sick to my stomach.
”I know this is a ridiculous question to ask, but do you really love Paige?”
”Of course I do. That's not an issue.”
”I mean love her enough to do whatever it takes?”
”Jim Ed, I'm terrified. I can't imagine my life without her.”
”Then you are going to have to fight, but not like in the past. You have to change your tactics. Everything your flesh screams at you to do, you gotta do the opposite.”
”Huh?”
”You have to give up control,” said Jim Ed. ”Stop trying to control her. Let her go. If you love her, you honor her wishes. Even if that means she walks away. She's free. The more you try to control, the more it drives her away.”
I swallowed hard and my legs jiggled up and down nervously.
”After you change your eyes, your heart has to change- get the heart of a warrior. Paige needs to change the way she sees you too. She needs to see the warrior in you-the David in you. If she does, she'll maybe begin to feel safe with you again.”
”I want to be that guy, Jim Ed,” I said.
”One of my favorite pa.s.sages of Scripture is in First Samuel chapter 22. Let me read it to you.” He picked up the old, faded Bible again, skimmed through the pages, stopped, and started reading. ”David therefore departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam. And everyone who was in distress, everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was discontented gathered to him. So he became captain over them.” Chew on that. David was a mighty warrior and he was a refuge for hurting people. They felt safe with him, and therefore they let him lead. When Paige feels safe with you, she'll let you lead too.”
”Just like you,” I said. ”You've created a safe place for me right here. Maybe you were sent.”
”Just exercising my gift.”
”How do you have so much insight?” I asked.
”Let's just say I've been around the block a few times in my day.”
As Jim Ed was placing his Bible back on the cart, a black and white photograph slipped out from the pages and fell to the ground.
”Is that a picture of you and Christina?” I asked as he bent over to pick it up.
”Our wedding day,” he said handing it to me.
”Wow,” I said, slowly examining the photograph. ”She was stunning.” Christina was in her wedding dress, her hair twisted above her head, soft and elegant with a much thinner Jim Ed standing tall and proud by her side in a black tuxedo, a grin bigger than the one on Eric's face when he showed me his pix earlier that day in the store. ”I'm sure she still is,” I added. ”You look as handsome now as you did then. More distinguished now.”
”Thank you. Yes, she was beautiful.”
”Hey, that reminds me,” I said handing the old photo back to him. ”You're not off the hook. I still want to hear all about her.”
”All right,” he replied. ”But remember, you asked for it.”
11.
It was 1954 and Jim Ed was home on leave in Pine Grove, Mississippi. He and two of his Army buddies, Willie Taylor and Bo Harris, were all decked out in their uniforms strutting around downtown like they were really something. After downing a bottle of RC Cola in nearly one gulp, Jim Ed looked up-stunned at what he saw across the street.
”Hey man, you see what I see?” he said, wiping his mouth with his forearm.
”I sure do!” said Willie. Bo simply nodded in agreement; he was the quiet one.
”You ever seen anything so fine?” asked Jim Ed. ”Where' d she come from?”
”You got me,” said Willie. ”Never sees her around here before.”
”How' d we miss that?” Bo spoke up.
”I don't know,” said Jim Ed, ”but I gotta meets her.”
”Now you know she be way too much woman for you, man,” laughed Willie while slapping Jim Ed on the back.