Part 11 (2/2)

And I was listening, honestly. But that wouldn't change my decision. My mind was set.

”Does that mean I have to come back? Because I was under the impression that I could make those decisions for myself now,” I said sharply, not liking the fact that I was now starting to second guess myself.

”You are one hundred percent right. You control where you go and what you do. You are an adult now, Clay. You are not a direct danger to yourself or others, so I can't force you to readmit yourself. But I won't lie to you; I'm very concerned about you leaving treatment so abruptly, whatever the reason. Given the severity of your illness, you can't take that lightly. But if you are set against returning to Grayson, I think we need to put some things into place to ensure you won't relapse. Which includes continuing your medication regimen. No ifs, ands or buts, Clayton,” Dr. Todd explained.

”I know that, Doc. I won't forget to take my medicine like a good little boy,” I spat out, taking my frustration out on the person I knew could take it.

Dr. Todd didn't address my surly att.i.tude. ”And you need to continue with your therapy, but on an outpatient basis now. I want you to call the counselor I told you about. Shaemus Laughtry is one of the best LPCs in the field. I have worked with him in the past and I'm more than comfortable with transferring your case to him. He and I can work together to ensure your treatment is seamless. I'm serious about this Clay. You can't afford to quit now. You've come a long way, but you still have a lot ahead of you.”

I had every intention of reaching out to the other therapist, but hearing Dr. Todd put it like that, I felt scared. Was I ready to try this whole living on my own terms thing? I had wanted the ability to call the shots, to do this my way. But now that I was being handed the keys to the kingdom, I sort of wanted to give them back.

I started to pick at the skin around my fingernail again. The area was already raw, but that didn't stop me from digging a little deeper. ”Yeah, I will. I'll call him first thing tomorrow and set up an appointment,” I agreed.

”Good. I'm glad to hear that. And I would still like you to call and check in with me until you start seeing Shaemus regularly. It's important you start building your support systems there. I know that Ruby and Lisa have always been your primary supports, but that system is no longer in place. So, Clay, you need to start building a new one. Shaemus can help you do that. Without that foundation, it makes the rest so much more difficult.” Dr. Todd was right; I couldn't exactly depend on Ruby right now. And that freaked me out.

I swallowed thickly, trying not to panic at how alone I suddenly felt. ”Okay,” I said quietly.

”You can do this, Clay. But when you think you can't, but please call if you need me” he urged and I nodded, though he couldn't see me. I felt like the floor was opening up beneath me and I was about to be sucked in. This was not a good way for me to feel.

”What if I do it again? What if I f.u.c.k it all up? I'm not good at the whole good decision making thing. Am I making a huge mistake staying here?” I hated the pleading in my voice. But I needed to hear total and complete honesty, at whatever the cost.

I heard Dr. Todd let out a sigh. ”I can't answer that, Clay. I can't predict what will happen. All I can say is that you are a smart young man and if you remember the things you've been learning. How to reframe, how to step back and look at your choices before you act on them. You can make this work for you. And when you feel like you can't do it, that's when you need to ask for help. Never be ashamed to admit you can't handle it. There's nothing weak in acknowledging when things are greater than you.”

I wish I had Dr. Todd's ability to say exactly the right thing. It was a skill I could get a h.e.l.l of a lot of mileage out of right now.

”Thanks Doc. I'll call Mr. Laughtry in the morning and then let you know what I can work out. I appreciate everything, really.”

”As I've always told you, Clayton, it's what I'm here for. I look forward to hearing from you.” And with that, we disconnected the call. Now that was out of the way, I had an entire day left in order to figure out what the h.e.l.l I was going to do.

Ruby hadn't been to her shop in over a week. I knew there had to be inventory and shelving to be done. I went up the stairs and lightly knocked on her bedroom door. When there was no answer I looked inside to find her still asleep. So I left her to it, leaving her a note letting her know where I was.

Then I grabbed my keys and my wallet and headed to my car. I headed down the familiar streets until I saw a sign for the coffee shop, Java Madness. I seemed to remember Ruby telling me this is where Maggie worked.

So what did I do? I pulled into the small parking lot and then went inside. I looked around noticing that it was pretty quiet. I approached the counter to place my order. I didn't see Maggie anywhere. Maybe she wasn't working. But I was already there, so I might as well get something.

”What can I get ya?” a tall guy with red hair who was working the industrial espresso machine asked without looking at me. I glanced up at the menu.

”Uh, just a coffee, black. And one of those chocolate croissant things. To go, please.” I pulled my wallet out and got some cash. When I looked back up, Mr. Red Head was staring at me with a peculiar look on his face. Did I know this guy? I looked at him a little closer. He did seem familiar, but I couldn't place him. I a.s.sumed he went to Jackson, he was about my age. But that didn't explain why he seemed almost p.i.s.sed to see me. Did I have some altercation with this dude that I couldn't remember? It was highly likely, given how much of a d.i.c.k I was during my last go around in Davidson.

”Clay Reed. I heard you were back in town,” he said as though I had made it my mission to f.u.c.k up his morning. What the h.e.l.l was this guy's problem?

”And you are?” I asked acidly, narrowing my eyes a bit as he tried to mad dog me. Was he seriously trying to play macho man while wearing a f.u.c.king ap.r.o.n with a smiling coffee pot on it?

”Jake Fitzsimmons,” he answered as if that explained everything. Jake Fitzsimmons? I arched my eyebrow.

”Sorry buddy, I don't know who the h.e.l.l you are.” I was way past caring how rude I sounded. This guy was rubbing me the wrong way.

Jake smirked as though he knew he was getting to me. ”Maggie's friend,” he expanded and then it all clicked. Jake Fitzsimmons. Daniel's friend who spent way too much time sniffing around my girl. Now I knew why my appearance had him looking as though he had swallowed gla.s.s. He had always had a hard on for Maggie. And it was pretty apparent that hadn't changed. Had this f.u.c.king douche moved in as soon as I was out of the picture? s.h.i.+t, was Maggie with this guy now?

She hadn't said anything about a boyfriend, but that didn't mean anything. We hadn't exactly exchanged full details about the last three months. I felt like punching the red headed coffee slinging monkey straight in his obnoxious face.

”Ah okay. You're the guy who's all about the sloppy seconds, right?” Yeah, that was a messed up thing to say, but he was flicking my rage switch with his bony finger.

Jake snorted. ”Sloppy seconds, huh? No, there's nothing sloppy about it.” Okay, that was it, I was going to come across the counter and pound his skull into the floor. I had tucked my wallet back into my pocket and braced my hands on the counter when a hand grabbed me by the upper arm.

”Cool it, Jake. Just get the man his coffee and stop being an a.s.s about it.” I grit my teeth, p.i.s.sed that it looked as though I would have to reschedule kicking the s.h.i.+t out of Jake f.u.c.king Fitzsimmons for another day.

”He's not getting any, Clay, sloppy or otherwise, so just calm the f.u.c.k down, alright?” I wrenched my arm out of Daniel's grip and took a deep, steadying breath. I didn't say anything, just waited for my coffee.

Jake came back and shoved the Styrofoam cup across the counter, slos.h.i.+ng hot liquid all over the surface. ”And that's on the house, right?” Daniel said, clearly irritated with his buddy. Jake gave a curt nod and walked away to help another customer. He hadn't given me my d.a.m.n croissant but decided I'd made enough of a scene for one day.

I picked up the drink and took a sip, the bitter coffee soothing my jangled nerves. I looked at Daniel and he was watching me as though waiting for me to pounce or something. I held up my free hand in a placating gesture. ”I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise,” I said begrudgingly.

Daniel shrugged. ”I wouldn't blame you for beating his face in. Jake was being a p.r.i.c.k. But he's wanted in Maggie's pants for years. And with you out of the picture he thought he had a shot. Now you've shown back up and he has to get all girly about it. Don't take anything he says seriously. He's just got a bad case of PMS going on.”

Huh. This was the most Daniel and I had said to each other...well ever. He had never hidden the fact that he didn't trust me, so him coming to my defense was surprising.

”Well thanks for the a.s.sist and all,” I said; ready to get the h.e.l.l out of there. Coming to Java Madness was a ma.s.sive mistake. All I had ended up with was high blood pressure and a s.h.i.+tty cup of coffee.

”Clay, you got a minute?” Daniel called out just before I walked out the door. I should have seen that one coming. It was time for the you hurt my friend and I break your legs conversation. We'd had that same talk several times in the past. I guess Daniel felt it necessary to have a refresher course.

”Sure.” I went and sat down at a table near the window, trying to force down more coffee. It really was c.r.a.p. I bet Jake I've-got-my-panties-in-a-bunch Fitzsimmons spit in it. a.s.shole. I pushed the cup away from me and crossed my arms over my chest. Daniel flipped his cellphone over and over again in his hand.

”First of all, I really am sorry about Lisa. She was really nice and all. Even though I only met her the one time, she seemed cool,” Daniel said directly. One thing I had always respected about Daniel Lowe was the fact that he told things like they were. He didn't dance around a subject, he just bulldozed through it. Maggie would get p.i.s.sed about it at times, thinking he was an insensitive a.s.s. But you couldn't help but admire someone who never bothered with pretense.

”Thanks, man,” I said, tapping my fingers on the table.

”So how long are you in town for?” Daniel asked me, furrowing his eyebrows as he waited for my answer. We had already been over this once at the funeral, but clearly he needed a more definitive response this time.

”You gonna try and kick my a.s.s if I tell you I'm staying?” I asked him a bit belligerently. I stopped tapping my fingers and laid my hand flat on the table, meeting Daniel's stare head on. There was a moment when I wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do. He didn't seem particularly happy with my announcement.

”You gonna give me a reason to kick your a.s.s, Clay?” he asked me pointedly. I blew out a breath and ran my hand through my hair.

”I sure as h.e.l.l hope not,” I answered honestly. Because I really hoped I wouldn't be making the same mistakes as before. And if I did, then I deserved whatever a.s.s kicking Daniel dished out.

Daniel frowned. ”Does Maggie know?”

I shook my head. ”Nope. And just so you know this decision has nothing to do with Maggie alright?” I tried to say it like I meant it. Daniel rolled his eyes.

”Give me a f.u.c.king break. Everything you do seems to be about Maggie in some way or another. But I'm telling you right now, Clay, she's been through h.e.l.l. You put her through f.u.c.king h.e.l.l. I don't know everything that went down when you guys were in North Carolina. She'd never tell me. And I don't want to f.u.c.king know. But what I do know is you left. I don't care what your reasons were. You left her. You don't call her. You don't write. You just cut her out of your life. And that is all sorts of wrong. Look, I don't want to bring up ancient history here. I'm just warning you, that if you f.u.c.k with my girl again, I won't be so forgiving next time.” Daniel's blue eyes were icy cold and even though we were pretty even physically, I knew he'd fight to the death for Maggie.

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