Part 15 (1/2)
”Great. Wonderful.” Al the winegla.s.ses now col ected in her arms, she found the courage to look her brother in the face, to stare him down where he sat in his wheelchair with his ruined legs and his therapy monkey who was supposed to make everything perfect even though Keenan would never walk again. ”Glad we got that cleared up. Can I go now?” She took a couple steps toward the kitchen and the only available escape.
”I want you to be happy,” Keenan cal ed after her.
”I-I am happy.”
The words were faint because no air was getting to her lungs and she just couldn't breathe. There was a noose around her neck . . . a weight . . . a vice . . . and it was slowly choking her to death.
She had to get out of here right now, before she fel apart. The kitchen was her focus. If only she could get to the kitchen. Keenan wouldn't fol ow her there-he hardly ever went into the kitchen-and once there she'd be able to breathe again. Hurrying to the door, she tried to block out the rush of blood in her ears and the thunder of her erratic pulse- two steps to the kitchen . . . one step . . . almost there-but then Keenan said the one thing she absolutely could not deal with: ”Be free.”
Just like that, she lost it-utterly and completely.
The tears she'd h.o.a.rded for two years because she'd wanted to be strong for Keenan erupted from her body on a wailing moan. Desperate for Keenan not to see her fal apart, she dropped al three winegla.s.ses- s.h.i.+t, s.h.i.+t, s.h.i.+T-and slapped her hands over her face. Weighed down with grief, weak with it, she sagged against the wal , bent at the waist, and gave herself over to ten seconds of unadulterated self-pity. Unable to do anything else, she sobbed and sobbed, aware of Keenan rol ing over to rub her back and stroke her hair.
”Shhh, ” he murmured. ”Don't do this to yourself. Come here.”
Tugging her arm, he steered her over to the sofa, where she sat, sniffling. Keenan faced her and held both her hands.
”I-It's my fault.” With a tremendous effort, Lisa gulped and panted her way to a ful breath of air. ”I-I should've seen him coming.”
”It was a drunk driver.”
”I should've swerved.”
”You're lucky you weren't kil ed, Lisa.”
”Killed?” Hysteria bubbled up out of her throat and she curled in on herself, nearly choking on her sick laughter.
”You got paralyzed and I didn't even break a nail.”
”Stop it.” Somehow Keenan got those clumsy fingers tightened around her upper arms and gave her a rough shake, one that made her teeth clack. ”Two years is enough. Let it go. If you weren't such a control freak, you'd see that none of what happened was your fault.”
”I am not a control freak.” Affronted, she straightened her spine and let him have it with both barrels. ”And I don't appreciate you-”
The loud, rattling clang of a cage banging shut jarred her out of her rant and startled her. Swiping at her eyes again, she looked around at the far corner of the room, near the French doors, where Atticus's enormous wire cage stood.
The monkey hovered just inside, chattering madly, his soft blue security blanket clutched to his chest. Catching her eye, he held onto the bars and peered through them, scolding her and reminding her of a prisoner contemplating a jailbreak.
Lisa turned back to Keenan and they gaped at each other. ”D-did that monkey just lock himself in his cage so he'd be safe from me?” she asked.
”I think so.”
Without warning, she and Keenan broke into uproarious laughter. Lisa laughed until her eyes streamed anew. There was a fine line between sanity and madness, and she wasn't sure which side she belonged on. Final y her hoa.r.s.e throat started hurting and she hiccupped to repress what she hoped was the last sob of the night.
Keenan sobered, too.
”I'm sorry, Keenan,” she whispered.
”Don't be.”
”I'd take your place in a minute.”
”I know you would,” Keenan told her. ”But has it ever occurred to you that no one but you thinks that way? I'd never change places with you, even if I could.”
”Why should I be okay when you're in a wheelchair?”
Keenan shrugged impatiently. ”Get that figured out, okay? And then I want you to start working on some of the other mysteries in life. Maybe you can tel the world who kil ed JFK and how the pyramids were built.”
”You're such a jacka.s.s sometimes,” she said sourly.
”And I think maybe you're a coward.”
”What?”
Furious now-how many more times tonight was someone going to cal her a coward?-Lisa prepared to blast him, but Keenan studied her with those wise dark eyes and held up a hand to stop her before she got going.
”Don't even try it. I know you better than anyone else, and I've seen the way you and Cruz look at each other.” He paused to shudder and crinkle his nose with disgust. ”I pretended not to feel the vibes between my best friend and my sister, but I did. I know the deal-”
”Keenan-”
”-and you do not have my permission to use me or the accident to hold Cruz off. If you don't want him, fine. Tel him. If you do want him, go for it. But don't hide behind me.
Are we clear?”
”But-”
”Are we clear?”
Lisa wasn't ready to admit her feelings for Cruz just yet, but there was no denying that she felt better. Better than better-she felt as though she'd shed a layer of heavy armored skin and could now feel the sun's heat on her flesh for the first time in years.
She felt . . . it took her a minute to identify the strange feeling . . . hope.
Reaching out, she patted Keenan's stubbly cheek. ”You need a shave.”
”Yeah, wel .”
They both grinned and then Keenan opened his arms for her. She scooted into his lap and they held each other as they'd done mil ions of times before. Some of her tension receded, leaving only the thrum of excitement and the thril of new possibilities.
”Cruz is a good guy.” Keenan smoothed her hair, but she kept her chin firmly on his shoulder so he wouldn't see the flush in her cheeks.
”I'm scared,” she admitted. ”I'm not that good at relations.h.i.+ps.”
”You've never been in one with Cruz.”
That made her laugh, but then she thought about what would happen to Keenan if she was involved with someone, wondered who would take care of his many needs.
”What about you?”