Part 3 (1/2)
It was through the eyes of his wife that Huber, the great authority on bees, who was blind from his seventeenth year, conducted his observations and studies. He even went so far as to declare that he should be miserable were he to regain his eyesight. ”I should not know,”
he said, ”to what extent a person in my situation could be beloved; besides, to me my wife is always young, fresh, and pretty, which is no light matter.”
Sir William Hamilton of Edinburgh found his wife scarcely less helpful, especially after he had been stricken by paralysis through overwork.
When he was elected Professor of Logic and Metaphysics, and had no lectures on stock, his wife sat up with him night after night to write out a fair copy of the lectures from the rough sheets which he had drafted in the adjoining room. ”The number of pages in her handwriting still preserved is,” says Sir William's biographer, ”perfectly marvellous.”
Equally effective as a literary helper was Lady Napier, the wife of Sir William Napier, historian of the Peninsular War. She translated and epitomized the immense ma.s.s of original doc.u.ments, many of them in cipher, on which it was in a great measure founded. When Wellington was told of the art and industry she had displayed in deciphering King Joseph's portfolios, and the immense ma.s.s of correspondence taken at Vittoria, he at first would hardly believe it, adding: ”I would have given 20,000 to any person who could have done this for me in the Peninsula.” Sir William Napier's handwriting being almost illegible, Lady Napier made out his rough interlined ma.n.u.script, which he himself could scarcely read, and wrote out a fair copy for the printer; and all this vast labour she undertook and accomplished, according to the testimony of her husband, without having for a moment neglected the care and education of a large family.
The help and consolation that Hood received from his wife during a life that was a prolonged illness is one of the most affecting things in biography. He had such confidence in her judgment that he read and re-read and corrected with her a.s.sistance all that he wrote. He used to trust to her ready memory for references and quotations. Many wives deserve, but few receive, such an I.O.U. as that which the grateful humorist gave to his wife in one of his letters when absent from her side. ”I never was anything, Dearest, till I knew you, and I have been a better, happier, and more prosperous man ever since. Lay by that truth in lavender, Sweetest, and remind me of it when I fail. I am writing warmly and fondly, but not without good cause.... Perhaps there is an afterthought that, whatever may befall me, the wife of my bosom will have the acknowledgment of her tenderness, worth, excellence--all that is wifely or womanly--from my pen.”
Mr. Froude says of Carlyle's wife that ”her hardest work was a delight to her when she could spare her husband's mind an anxiety or his stomach an indigestion. While he was absorbed in his work and extremely irritable as to every ailment or discomfort, her life was devoted to s.h.i.+eld him in every possible way.” In the inscription upon her tombstone Carlyle bore testimony that he owed to his wife a debt immense of grat.i.tude. ”In her bright existence she had more sorrows than are common, but also a soft invincibility, a capacity of discernment, and a n.o.ble loyalty of heart which are rare. For forty years she was the true and loving helpmate of her husband, and by act and word unweariedly forwarded him as none else could in all of worthy that he did or attempted. She died at London, April 21st, 1866, suddenly s.n.a.t.c.hed away from him, and the light of his life as if gone out.”
What an influence women have exercised upon teachers of religion and philosophy! When no one else would encourage Mahomet, his wife Kadijah listened to him with wonder, with doubt. At length she answered: ”Yes, it was true this that he said.” We can fancy, as does Carlyle, the boundless grat.i.tude of Mahomet, and how, of all the kindnesses she had done him, this of believing the earnest struggling word he now spoke was the greatest. ”It is certain,” says Novalis, ”my conviction gains infinitely the moment another soul will believe in it.” It is a boundless favour. He never forgot this good Kadijah. Long afterwards, Ayesha, his young favourite wife, a woman who indeed distinguished herself among the Moslem by all manner of qualities, through her whole long life, this young brilliant Ayesha was one day questioning him: ”Now am I not better than Kadijah? she was a widow; old, and had lost her looks: you love me better than you did her?” ”No, by Allah!” answered Mahomet: ”No, by Allah! She believed in me when none else would believe.
In the whole world I had but one friend, and she was that!”
It will suffice to hint at the scientific value of the little that has been disclosed respecting Madame Clothilde de Vaux in elucidating the position of Auguste Comte as a teacher. Some may think that John Stuart Mill first taught his wife and then admired his own wisdom in her. His own account of the matter is very different, as we learn from the dedication of his essay ”On Liberty”:
”To the beloved and deplored memory of her who was the inspirer, and in part the author, of all that is best in my writings--the friend and wife whose exalted sense of truth and right was my strongest incitement, and whose approbation was my chief reward--I dedicate this volume. Like all that I have written for many years, it belongs as much to her as to me; but the work as it stands has had, in a very insufficient degree, the inestimable advantage of her revision; some of the most important portions having been reserved for a more careful re-examination, which they are now never destined to receive. Were I but capable of interpreting to the world one-half the great thoughts and n.o.ble feelings which are buried in her grave, I should be the medium of a greater benefit to it than is ever likely to arise from anything that I can write, unprompted and una.s.sisted by her all but unrivalled wisdom.”
In a speech upon woman's rights, a lady orator is said to have exclaimed, ”It is well known that Solomon owed his wisdom to the number of his wives!” This is too much; nevertheless, Sir Samuel Romilly gave the experience of many successful men when he said that there was nothing by which through life he had more profited than by the just observations and the good opinion of his wife.
Most people are acquainted with husbands who have lost almost all self-reliance and self-help because their wives have been only too helpful to them. Trollope and George Eliot faithfully portrayed real life in their stories when they put the reins into the hands of good wives and made them drive the domestic coach, to the immense advantage and comfort of the husbands, who never suspected the real state of the case. No man has so thoroughly as Trollope brought into literature the idea which women have of men--creatures that have to be looked after as grown-up little boys; interesting, piquant, indispensable, but s.h.i.+ftless, headstrong, and at bottom absurd.
But this consciousness which good wives have of the helplessness of husbands renders them all the more valuable in their eyes. Before Weinsberg surrendered to its besiegers, the women of the place asked permission of the captors to remove their valuables. The permission was granted, and shortly after the women were seen issuing from the gates carrying their husbands on their shoulders. Indeed it would be impossible to relate a tenth part of the many ways in which good wives have shown affection for and actively a.s.sisted their wedded lords.
Knowing this to be the case, we were not surprised to read some time since the following piece of Irish news: ”An inquiry was held at Mullingar on Wednesday respecting Mr. H. Smythe's claim of 10,000 as compensation for the loss of his wife, who was shot whilst returning from church. The claim was made under the nineteenth section of the Crime Preservation Act, Ireland.” The result of the inquiry we do not know, but for ourselves we think that 10,000 would barely compensate for the loss of a really good article in wives.
Some one told an old bachelor that a friend had gone blind. ”Let him marry, then,” was the crusty reply; ”let him marry, and if that doesn't open his eyes, then his case is indeed hopeless.” But this, we must remember, was not the experience of a married man.
A friend was talking to Wordsworth of De Quincey's articles about him.
Wordsworth begged him to stop; he hadn't read them, and did not wish to ruffle himself about them. ”Well,” said the friend, ”I'll tell you only one thing he says, and then we'll talk of other things. He says your wife is too good for you.” The old poet's dim eyes lighted up, and he started from his chair, crying with enthusiasm, ”And that's true! There he's right!” his disgust and contempt visibly moderating. Many a man whose faith in womankind was weak before marriage can a few years afterwards sympathize most fully with this pathetic confession of the old poet.
A Scotch dealer, when exhorting his son to practise honesty on the ground of its being the ”best policy,” quietly added, ”I hae tried _baith_.” So is it in reference to matrimony and celibacy. The majority of those who have ”tried baith” are of opinion that the former is the best policy.
It would be absurd to a.s.sert that the marriage state is free from care and anxiety; but what of that? Is not care and trouble the condition of any and every state of life? He that will avoid trouble must avoid the world. ”Marriage,” says Dr. Johnson, ”is not commonly unhappy, but as life is unhappy.” And the summing up, so to speak, of this great authority is well known--”Marriage has many pains, but celibacy no pleasures.”
CHAPTER IV.
THE CHOICE OF A WIFE.
”Go, draw aside the curtains, and discover The several caskets to this n.o.ble prince:-- Now make your choice.”--_Shakespeare._
”If, as Plutarch adviseth, one must eat _modium salis_, a bushel of salt, with him before he choose his friend, what care should be had in choosing a wife--his second self! How solicitous should he be to know her qualities and behaviour! and, when he is a.s.sured of them, not to prefer birth, fortune, beauty, before bringing up and good conditions.”--_Robert Burton._
Whether a man shall be made or marred by marriage greatly depends upon the choice he makes of a wife. Nothing is better than a good woman, nor anything worse than a bad one. The idea of the great electrician Edison's marrying was first suggested by an intimate friend, who made the point that he needed a mistress to preside over his large house, which was being managed by a housekeeper and several servants. Although a very shy man, he seemed pleased with the proposition, and timidly inquired whom he should marry The friend somewhat testily replied, ”Any one;” that a man who had so little sentiment in his soul as to ask such a question ought to be satisfied with anything that wore a petticoat and was decent.
Woe to the man who follows such careless advice as this, and marries ”any one,” for what was said by the fox to the sick lion might be said with equal truth to Hymen: ”I notice that there are many prints of feet entering your cave, but I see no trace of any returning.” Before taking the irrevocable step choose well, for your choice though brief is yet endless. And, first, we make the obvious suggestion that it is useless to seek perfection in a wife, even though you may fancy yourself capable of giving an adequate return as did the author of the following advertis.e.m.e.nt: ”Wanted by a Young Gentleman just beginning Housekeeping, a Lady between Eighteen and Twenty-five Years of Age, with a good Education, and a Fortune not less than Five Thousand Pounds; Sound Wind and Limb, Five Feet Four Inches without her shoes; Not Fat, nor yet too lean; Good Set of Teeth; No Pride nor Affectation; Not very Talkative, nor one that is deemed a Scold; but of a Spirit to Resent an Affront; of a Charitable Disposition; not Over-fond of Dress, though always Decent and Clean; that will Entertain her Husband's Friends with Affability and Cheerfulness, and Prefer his Company to Public Diversions and gadding about; one who can keep his secrets, that he may open his Heart to her without reserve on all Occasions; that can extend domestic Expenses with Economy, as Prosperity advances, without Ostentation; and Retrench them with Cheerfulness, if occasion should require. Any Lady disposed to Matrimony, answering this Description, is desired to direct for Y. Z., at the Baptist's Head Coffee-house, Aldermanbury. _N.B._--The Gentleman can make adequate Return, and is, in every Respect, deserving a Lady with the above Qualifications.”
This reminds us of the old lady who told her steward she wished him to attend a neighbouring fair in order to buy her a cow. She explained to him that it must be young, well-bred, fine in the skin, a strawberry in colour, straight in the back, and not given to breaking through fences when it smelt clover on the other side; above all, it was not to cost more than ten pounds. The steward, who was a Scotchman, and a privileged old servant, bowed his head and replied reverently, ”Then, my lady, I think ye had better kneel down and pray for her, for ye'll get her nae other way, I'm thinkin'.”