Volume I Part 49 (1/2)
”It may be given in various ways. Sometimes circ.u.mstances point it out; sometimes attention is directed to a word in the Bible; sometimes, 'thine ears shall hear a voice behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.'”
Eleanor did not answer; she thought her aunt was slightly fanatical.
”There is another reason for not getting an answer, Eleanor. It is, not believing that an answer will be given.”
”Aunty, how can one help that?”
”By simply looking at what G.o.d has promised, and trusting it. 'But let a man ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.'”
”Aunt Caxton, I am exactly like such a wave of the sea. And in danger of being broken to pieces like one.”
”Many a one has been,” said Mrs Caxton. But it was tenderly said, not coldly; and the impulse to go on was irresistible. Eleanor changed her seat for one nearer.
”Aunt Caxton, I want somebody's help dreadfully.”
”I see you do.”
”Do you see it, ma'am?”
”I think I have seen it ever since you have been here.”
”But at the same time, aunty, I do not know how to ask it.”
”Those are sometimes the neediest eases. But I hope you will find a way, my dear.”
Eleanor sat silent nevertheless, for some minutes; and then she spoke in a lowered and changed tone.
”Aunt Caxton, you know the engagements I am under?”
”Yes. I have heard.”
”What should a woman do--what is it her duty to do--who finds herself in every way bound to fulfil such engagements, except--”
”Except what?”
”Except her own heart, ma'am,” Eleanor said low and ashamed.
”My dear, you do not mean that your heart was not in these engagements when you made them?”
”I did not know where it was, aunty. It had nothing to do with them.”
”Where is it now?”
”It is not in them, ma'am.”
”Eleanor, let us speak plainly. Do you mean that you do not love this gentleman whom you have promised to marry?”
Eleanor hesitated, covered her face, and hesitated; at last spoke.
”Aunt Caxton, I thought I did;--but I know now I do not; not as I think I ought;--I do not as he loves me.” Eleanor spoke with burning cheeks, which her aunt could see even in the firelight and though Eleanor's hand endeavoured to s.h.i.+eld them.
”What made you enter into these engagements, my dear?”