Volume I Part 32 (1/2)
”When does Mr. Rhys--Is he going to preach again, Julia, that you know of?”
”I guess not. He was very tired after he preached the other night; he lay on the couch and did not move the whole next day. He is better to-day.”
”You have seen him this morning?”
”O yes. I see him every day; and he teaches me a great many things. But he always prays for you.”
Eleanor did not wish to keep up the conversation, and it dropped. And after that, things went on their train.
It was a very fast train, too; and growing in importance and thickening in its urgency of speed. Every day the preparations converged more nearly towards their great focus, the twenty-first of December. Eleanor felt the whirl of circ.u.mstances, felt borne off her feet and carried away with them; and felt it hopelessly. She knew not what to urge that should be considered sufficient reason either by her mother or Mr.
Carlisle for even delaying, much less breaking off the match. She was grave and proud, and unsatisfactory, as much as it was in her nature to be, partly on purpose; and Mr. Carlisle was not satisfied, and hurried on things all the more. He kept his temper perfectly, whatever thoughts he had; he rode and walked with Eleanor, when she would go, with the same cool and faultless manner; when she would not, he sometimes let it pa.s.s and sometimes made her go; but once or twice he failed in doing this; and recognized the possibility of Eleanor's ability to give him trouble. He knew his own power however; on the whole he liked her quite as well for it.
”What is the matter with you, my darling?” he said one day. ”You are not like yourself.”
”I am not happy,” said Eleanor. ”I told you I had a doubt unsettled upon my mind; and till that doubt is put at rest I cannot be happy; I cannot have peace; you will take no pleasure in me.”
”Why do you not settle it then?” said Mr. Carlisle, quietly.
”Because I have no chance. I have not a moment to think, in this whirl where I am living. If you would put off the twenty-first of next month to the twenty-first of some month in the spring--or summer--I might have a breathing place, and get myself in order. I cannot, now.”
”You will have time to think, love, when you get to the Priory,” Mr.
Carlisle observed in the same tone--an absolute tone.
”Yes. I know how that would be!” Eleanor answered bitterly. ”But I can take no pleasure in anything,--I cannot have any rest or comfort,--as long as I know that if anything happened to me--if death came suddenly--I am utterly unready. I cannot be happy so.”
”I think I had better send Dr. Cairnes to see you,” said Mr. Carlisle.
”He is in duty bound to be the family physician in all things spiritual where they need him. But this is morbid, Eleanor. I know how it is.
These are only whims, my darling, that will never outlive that day you dread so much.”
He had drawn her into his arms as he spoke; but in his touch and his kiss Eleanor felt or fancied something masterful, which irritated her.
”If I thought that, Mr. Carlisle,” she said,--”if I knew it was true,--that day would never come!”
Mr. Carlisle's self-control was perfect; so was his tact. He made no answer at all to this speech; only gave Eleanor two or three more of those quiet owners.h.i.+p kisses. No appearance of discomposure in his manner or in his voice when he spoke; still holding her in his arms.
”I shall know how to punish you one of these days for this,” he said.
”You may expect to be laughed at a little, my darling, when you turn penitent. Which will not hinder the moment from coming.”
And so, dismissing the matter and her with another light touch of her lips, he left her.
”Will it be so?” thought Eleanor. ”Shall I be so within his control, that I shall even sue to him to forget and pardon this word of my true indignation? Once his wife--once let the twenty-first of December come--and there will be no more help for me. What shall I do?”
She was desperate, but she saw no opening. She saw however the next day that Mr. Carlisle was coldly displeased with her. She was afraid to have him remain so; and made conciliations. These were accepted immediately and frankly, but so at the same time as made her feel she had lost ground and given Mr. Carlisle an advantage; every inch of which he knew and took. n.o.body had seen the tokens of any part of all this pa.s.sage of arms; in three days all was just as it had been, except Eleanor's lost ground. And three days more were gone before the twenty-first of December.
CHAPTER X.