Part 23 (1/2)

'Well . . . it's just that when you talk to me, you have this habit of over-enunciating everything, like I'm profoundly deaf or something?'

'Oh. Do I?'

'Uh-huh, you kinda lean over and nod and use very simple words, like I've got this incredibly limited vocabulary? And I don't know if it's because I'm ”of Chinese Origin” or American or something, but I've never been to China, I don't speak Chinese, I don't even particularly care for Chinese food, so I will be able to understand if you just, you know, talk good old, regular, colloquial English . . .'

'Sorry. I didn't realise I was doing it . . .'

'It's okay, it's not just you, I get it a lot. I mean, all the time . . .'

'I'm so embarra.s.sed . . .'

'Don't be, it's fine, it just sounds a little patronising, that's all.'

'Actually I think you'll find it's p.r.o.nounced patronising!'

'Not funny, Brian.'

'No, right, of course not.' We're outside Richmond House now. 'So, will I see you at the party tomorrow?'

'Maybe. I'm not so good at parties.'

'But maybe.'

'Maybe,' and she sets off up the hill.

'By the way - can I just ask you something?'

220.

She pauses, a little nervously 'Go on/ 'The brain - medically speaking, is it a muscle or a gland?'

'Well, it's a concentration of various kinds of nerve tissue, all with a similar, connected purpose, so technically I suppose that would make the brain an organ. Why?'

'Just wondered. See you tomorrow.'

'Bye,' and I watch her panda disappear off up the hill.

Then I turn and am about to trot up the steps to the front door when I notice a hunched shape in the shadows, slumped against the front door, head down, barring the way. I freeze halfway up the steps, and peer at the man, who runs both hands over his closely shaved head before looking up at me. I'm just coming to terms with discovering what it's like to be mugged when the dark shape lurches to his feet and speaks: 'So - who's the Asian babe then, Bri?'

And, stepping out of the shadows, I recognise the sharp, shrewd eyes of Spencer Lewis.

221.

26.

QUESTION Frequently used in sculpture, where it is sometimes known as Florentine marble, what is the hydrous fine-grained translucent variety of gypsum formed by bedded deposits precipitated from evaporating sea water?

ANSWER Alabaster.

'Spencer? What are you doing here?'

'Just thought I'd come and visit, that's all,' and I run up the stairs and go to hug him, and he goes to punch the top of my arm, and we do that weird little dance that boys do when they greet each other. 'And you did invite me . . .'

'Yeah, I know I did, but . . . hey, what's happened to your hair . . . ?'

He runs his hand over his head, which has been shaved right down to the scalp. 'It's the escaped-convict look - don't you like it?' he says, and I notice the thick, slurred quality to his voice, indicating that he must have got p.i.s.sed on the train.

'Yeah! Yeah, it's very . . . bold. Who did it?'

'I did.'

'For a bet, or . . . ?'

'f.u.c.k off, Brideshead. So, can I come in or what?'

'Of course,' I unlock the door and turn the hall light on, and we squeeze past the bikes in the hallway. He looks different in other ways too, his eyes look hooded and tired, smudged purple underneath, like bruises. Despite the bitter cold he's wearing just a crumpled, old Harrington that I 222.

remember from school, and as luggage he's carrying a thin plastic bag, which as far as I can tell, only contains two cans of lager.

'I did phone this morning, spoke to some posh bloke,' he says as we climb the stairs.

That's my housemate, Josh. It's Josh and Marcus.'

'What are they like then?'

'Oh, they're all right. Not really your type.'

'So are they your type then?'

'I don't think they're anyone's type actually.' And we're outside my bedroom. I open the door.

'So - this is where all the action takes place is it? Nice . . .'

I take my coat off, and throw it casually over the dumbbells before Spencer sees them.

'Make yourself at home. D'you want a cup of tea, or coffee or something?'

'Got any booze?'

'I think there might be some home-brew.'

'Home-brew?'

'It's Marcus and Josh's really.' 'What's it like?'

'Bit like p.i.s.s?'

'Alcoholic though?'

'Uh-huh.'