Part 6 (1/2)
I was so absorbed in what he was saying that it took a while to realize I was hogging him from the rest of the party. I worried what his wife would think. Looking around, I was relieved to see her deep in conversation with Dagmar Breece.
Somehow we'd gotten off the subject of James. I needed to know as much as Hugh was willing to tell.
”What exactly did happen to James?”
”The idiot heart.”
”What do you mean?”
” 'Hope gleams in the idiot heart.' It's a line from a Mayakovski poem. His girlfriend had those words-the idiot heart-tattooed on the inside of her wrist like a bracelet. Can you imagine? But it's the age of tattoos, isn't it?
”Her name was Kiera Stewart. She was a graduate student at Temple. Beautiful Scottish girl from Aberdeen. James was nuts over her, but you only had to meet her once to see she was an ocean of bad news. Women like that give you wonderful for the first few months, but then start taking it back bit by bit as the relations.h.i.+p goes on. After a while you're wondering if that great stuff ever really existed at all. But you're so hooked on them by then and the tidbits of delicious they pa.r.s.e out, it's like being addicted to drugs.
”The tragedy was, James was just coming into his own around the time they met. He'd found what he wanted to do with his life. And he was so good at it that the right people were already watching to see what he'd do next.
”The good is always the enemy of the great. From the beginning, he had the rare ability to discern between them. The trouble was, in our business insight often comes slowly and through meticulous detective work. James constantly wanted to achieve right now, this second.” Hugh shook his head. ”He once said he had a lot to prove but didn't know to whom.
”So everything happened at once. Not many people can handle that. His star was rising, he'd met a wild woman who sent him spinning, and then his bosses sent him to look at the Adc.o.c.k paintings. James thought he was invincible. For a while it looked like he was.
”Then it all crashed. He made a big mistake. Adc.o.c.k's husband turned out to be a clever crook, but not clever enough. The deal blew up in James's face. That was bad enough, but then Kiera got wind of what happened. Over the phone she told him their relations.h.i.+p was finished. Over the phone. Cla.s.sy, huh? A platinum b.i.t.c.h. He got in his car in the middle of the night, drove down to Philadelphia to see her but never made it. That's the story, Miranda. I'm sorry I can't tell you more. He was a great favorite of mine.”
”You haven't touched your desserts!”
Startled, I felt a firm hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Dagmar glaring at us.
”I'm sorry. We were talking-”
”No excuses! That is a yogurt trilogy, which I had to torture a man into making. So eat!”
She stood there until we picked up our spoons and started shoveling it in. Tasted like yogurt to me. Everyone else was finished and leaving the table. Charlotte Oakley came by.
”What are you two talking about? You look like you're sharing atomic secrets.” She was smiling and her voice was only friendly. A beautiful nice woman. Anyway, why should she be worried? She won any contest in the room. Whenever I'd looked at her, I'd noticed at least two men staring at her each time. Who wouldn't?
”Charlotte, the most amazing thing! James Stillman was Miranda's boyfriend when they were in high school.”
”Really? I loved James. He reminded me of Hugh when he was young.”
That was it! I'd not been able to put a finger on why I liked Hugh Oakley so much. The instant she said it, I realized a great part of my attraction to her husband was that he seemed to have the same kind of roaring spirit and curiosity as James.
”I hadn't seen him since high school. Then I went to our cla.s.s reunion and heard he was dead.”
She frowned. ”A bad place to hear something like that. James was the Prodigal Son always sneaking back in through the dog door. The original Bad Boy, and always a pleasure! Any time we spent time together he absolutely melted my underwear. I would have eloped with him any time. But that girlfriend, Kiera! She went from zero to b.i.t.c.h in two seconds.”
”What happened to her?”
”Wait a minute, I have a picture of them.”
”You do?” Hugh sounded as surprised as I did.
”Sure. The time we all went to Block Island?” Charlotte carried a small purse but had a large wallet wedged into it. She took it out and rummaged through. ”Here you go.”
She pa.s.sed me a photo and although I took it, I couldn't look immediately.
”What's the matter?”
”It's hard-the life I never lived is right here. On this piece of paper.”
”Nah. Do it, Miranda. Then you won't be haunted.”
I took a deep breath and looked. James, Charlotte, and Kiera were smiling at the camera. He had short hair, which was a shock, because when we were together he wore it down to his shoulders. He looked older. There were wrinkles, and the gaunt face he'd had in high school had filled out some, but there was that same smile with the white, white teeth. Long artistic hands.
My eyes filled. ”I can't stand it.”
”He was great. You would have loved him.”
”I did.” I looked at Charlotte and tried to smile.
4. Babe Ruth's Small Head.
In the month that followed I didn't think much about the Oakleys. Business picked up, and I met a man who went from Promising! to Forget It! in just four dates. Do(u)g Auerbach came to town and we devoured each other for the weekend he was there. Twice I had tea with Frances Hatch, After the second time, she said there was a brain behind my face and she liked me. That made me feel very good. I said I liked her too. She responded playfully ”But do you want to love, or be loved?” For a long time the question fluttered around my mind like birds that fly into a building but can't get out again.
Doug said that while in Germany he had watched a TV doc.u.mentary about people who had s.e.xual fetishes for amputees. The show was very calm and informative and without any att.i.tude. They showed snippets from amputee p.o.r.no films, magazines, social clubs, and even comic books.
”I'm a hip guy. You know, try not to judge others, be as open as possible. But I saw this show and my mouth dropped open. I kept wondering, do I live on the same planet as these people?”
Frances liked to talk about s.e.x, so I told her about it.
”What's the matter with you, Miranda?”
”What do you mean?”
”You sound so prissy. Wouldn't you go to bed with a man without a leg or an arm if you loved him?”
”Yes, of course.”
”What about a woman?”
”I can't imagine loving a woman that way.”
”A child?”
”Frances, you're just trying to provoke me.”
”How old is a child to you? How old would they have to be before you would sleep with them?”
”I don't know, seventeen?”