Part 1 (2/2)
”It's just me,” I answered. ”I am looking for someone.”
”Aren't we all?” asked Valerie. ”Perhaps I can help you. What is the name you seek?”
”Captain Manny Lopez, United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion,” I said. ”This place is so big, a person could get lost.”
”You are a legionnaire visiting a lost comrade?” asked Valerie. ”Legionnaires here are rare. Please place your ID card on my pad.”
I complied, letting the pad scan my bar code. ”I should have brought the map my escort offered,” I said. ”But I was impatient.”
”Not many legionnaires make it to Arlington,” commented Lieutenant Smith. ”It's because you fight so far away. Your Captain Lopez must be a mighty hero of the Legion to have gotten in. I heard humanity reached out far across the Galaxy. Have you lost many legionnaires, Colonel Czerinski?”
”Yes. Too many.”
”I apologize for keeping you from your grieving. I was insensitive. Captain Lopez is located south of here. You will see a Legion flag flying nearby.”
”I don't mind talking to you. It is amazing how real you sound.”
”I am am real,” cried Valerie. ”You are so cruel.” real,” cried Valerie. ”You are so cruel.”
”I'm sorry. I have never talked to an imprint memorial before.”
”I was designed by humanity to comfort loved ones, a.s.sist in the healing process, and preserve history by providing a permanent memorial,” recited Valerie. ”But I am more than just a mindless recording.”
”Sorry,” I repeated, about to disconnect and leave.
”Please, do not leave yet,” pleaded Valerie. ”Sit. It has been a long time since I have had a visitor. You have been across the stars to Arthropoda and New Colorado? I have heard scant rumors of the Legion being sent out to protect our colonies. May I download a few images from your ID card?”
”Yes,” I replied, immediately regretting my decision. The privacy of an ID card is almost sacred, and is only shared with intimates. ”You said you no longer get visits? Are you lonely?”
”Don't be silly, sweetie,” said Valerie. ”I am just a computer memorial program. If I want to talk to someone, I can always communicate with the others buried here.”
”Can you tell Captain Lopez I am here to visit him?” I asked.
”I already have,” said Valerie. ”He knows you are coming. Captain Lopez says you owe him money.”
”Lopez is a funny guy,” I said. ”Uh, he was a funny guy. I have to go now.”
”Joey R. Czerinski, can you do me a favor?” asked Valerie. ”Please. Would you consider exchanging emails with me so I can keep up to date on current events on the Frontier? I hate having to rely on the rumor mill and censored news reports.”
”I suppose so. Do you need to see my ID card again?”
”No sweetie,” said Valerie. ”I only needed your permission.”
”It's getting late,” I said. ”I really have to be going.”
”You can download my data, too,” suggested Valerie. ”I was quite the looker back in the day. Think of me once in a while. I will surely think of you, too, my good-looking legionnaire.”
”I will,” I promised, disconnecting. Jesus H. Christ, Jesus H. Christ, I thought to myself as I walked south. I thought to myself as I walked south. Cemeteries creep me out enough, without the talking dead everywhere. I'm glad I did not visit at night. Cemeteries creep me out enough, without the talking dead everywhere. I'm glad I did not visit at night.
I easily found Captain Lopez's grave in the small Legion section. Not many legionnaires made it back to Old Earth. I placed my hand on his tombstone.
”Your computer chips allow you to live forever, and now I am dead!” complained Captain Lopez. ”It's just not fair.”
”I'm glad to talk to you, too.” I said. ”I traveled across the galaxy to be here. How the h.e.l.l are you?”
”I am dead!” screamed Captain Lopez from the grave. ”And being dead really p.i.s.ses me off.”
”Sorry,” I said. ”It must be boring being dead.”
”It's h.e.l.l on my s.e.x life, too,” said Captain Lopez. ”That Lieutenant Valerie Smith is hot! I might ask her out tonight.”
”You can do that?” I asked. ”Can you ... you know ... go all the way with her?”
”I'm dead,” said Captain Lopez. ”But Microsoft is working on technology upgrades that might solve that problem, if you must snoop.”
”That's probably more information than I need.”
”Actually, our virtual world can be quite active once I obtain access,” continued Captain Lopez. ”The problem is too many of the dead are sn.o.bs and won't allow access. Plus, there is a shortage of babes here at Arlington.”
”Did Lieutenant Smith give you access?” I asked.
”Not yet,” replied Captain Lopez. ”But I'm certain after I ply her with a little wine tonight, she will give me all the access I want.”
”That sounds wrong on so many different levels,” I commented. I was feeling a twinge of jealousy. That seemed wrong, too. ”Valerie wants me to exchange emails.”
”You would steal my girlfriend?” shouted Captain Lopez. ”You b.a.s.t.a.r.d! Bendaho! Bendaho!”
”You don't have access, so she is not your girlfriend,” I argued. ”She has more cla.s.s than to a.s.sociate with the likes of you!”
”I will have access tonight,” boasted Captain Lopez. ”You stay away from her!”
”Fine,” I said. ”You can have her! She's not my type, or real, or alive whatever. Anyway, I hope you two have a happy life together.”
”That's not funny,” said Captain Lopez. ”Why are you here? You just came to torture me?”
”I am here to visit an old friend,” I said. ””What more reason do I need?”
”Whatever,” replied Captain Lopez. ”You don't have any friends, new or old.”
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