Part 40 (2/2)
Back in the days when Gould and Fisk were names to conjure with in the old ers and those who sold doves”; when ”Black Friday” was still fresh in the memories of thousands, this incident is said to have occurred
To weightier belongings, Gould and Fisk had added by way of pastime a splendid steamer to ply between Fall River and New York Upon its trial voyage, Travers was the guest of its owners The appointeous in the extree saloon were suspended life-size portraits of Gould and of Fisk After a proinals, Travers suddenly paused in front of the portraits, gazed earnestly at each in turn, and then--with eyes fixed on the intervening space --slowly ejaculated: _”Where's Christ?”_
TOLD BY COLONEL W D HAYNIE
The following, told with happy effect by Colonel W D Haynie of the Chicago Bar, probably has no parallel in theological literature
A colored brother who felt called upon to preach, applied to the Bishop of his church for license to exercise the sacred office
The Bishop, far fro favorably impressed by the appearance of the candidate, earnestly inquired whether he had read the Bible, and was faht require, to his Sunday school and congregation The ansas, ”Boss, I has read dat book froood Bishop that he would repeat a Bible story, the applicant for Holy Orders began:
”One ti, an' his nahty warrior; an' one day he wuzat de head uv his army fru de streets of Babylon, an' he seed Bersheby standin' up on de house-top; an' he said to his soldiers, 'Bringhi ways off, and fit a big battle, an' tuk a hull lot of prisoners; an' cum a-marchin' back fru de streets of Babylon, wid de brass bans a-playin', and de stars an' stripes a-floatin'; an' Bersheby she wuz a-standin' on de house-top, and she holler out,
”'How did you cum out wid' em, old Ahab?'
”An' it make him powerful mad you know, an he say to his soldiers, 'Frow her down to me' And dey frowd her down to him; and den he say, 'Frow her down to me _seven_ times'; and dey frowd her down seven times; and den he say, 'Frow her down to me _seventy times seven times!'_ and dey frowed her down to him seventy times seven times; an' po' ole Bersheby, she craay and lay down at de rich s coevered he up, dar was 'leven basketfuls left, an' _whose ill she be in de resurrection?”_
L OUR nobLE CALLING
THE LEGAL PROFESSION--TAKEN BY SURPRISE--MISSING THE POINT OF THE JOKE--A REMARKABLE INCIDENT--A JUDICIAL DECISION ON BAPTISM--A DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT--STRONG PERSONAL ATTACHMENT--IRISH WIT--ENGLISH JOKES ABOUT LAWYERS--GREATNESS UNAPPRECIATED--ALL IN HIS WIFE'S NAME--A RETORT BY CURRAN--REMITTING A FINE--A CASE ”ON ALL-FOURS”-- ”GOING OUT WITH THE TIDE”
As ell knoyers generally entertain an exceedingly exalted opinion of their profession Textbooks, opinions of courts, addresses innu students, all bear witness to the fact that our noble profession is the uard of society, the palladiugested: ”Yes, all this, and more, has been said a thousand times, _but always by lawyers”_
There are persons yet in life, who, practically at least, hold with Aaron Burr, that ”law is that which is boldly asserted and plausibly urs of old, always smile when they meet one another on the street The by no means exalted opinion of two men as to ”our noble profession” will appear fro
A few days after Knott was ad for clients, when a one-gallowsed, aard-looking fellow from the ”brush” walked in without ceremony, dropped into the only vacant chair, and inquired: ”Air you a lawyer, ulars, Knott unhesitatingly answered that he was ”Well,” said the visitor, ”I thought I would drap in and git you to fetch a few suits forup his pen with the air of apeople was an everyday, matter-of-course sort of affair, Knott said: ”Who did you wish to sue?” To which--with a prolonged yawn--the prospective client drawled out: ”I ain't particular, Mister, I jest thought I'd get you to pick out a few skerry fellows _that would co incident is an experience of n in the then county-seat of Old Woodford
My first client had retainedthe two years last past by the sometime partner of his joys and sorrows The bill for divorce was duly filed; but on ”the co in of the answer,” a continuance of the suit, for cause shoas granted to the defendant
At an early hour on thethereafter, my client called, and I soon discovered he was in a frame of mind by no means joyous The disappointment he expressed at the continuance of his suit was evidently sincere My explanation of the i it, and the confident hope I held out that he would certainly get his divorce at the next terth intimated a desire to have a confidential talk with me I took him into my ”private office” (that has a professional sound, but as a matter of fact my office had but one room, and that was ”open as day” to everybody) and assured him that whatever he said tothat I was on safe ground, I now spoke in a lofty tone of the sacred relation existing between counsel and client, and that any communication he desired to make would be as safe as within his own bosom, ”or words to that effect” Relieved, apparently, by the atmosphere of profound secrecy that now enveloped us, he ”unfolded himself” to the effect that some years before he had been deeply in love with an excellent young lady in his neighborhood, but for so cause he could now hardly explain, he had in a pique suddenly turned his attentions to another to whom he was soon united in the holy bonds that he was now so anxious to have sundered by the strong arh was here the prelude to the startling revelation, that since his present sea of troubles had encompassed him about the old flame had been rekindled in his heart I now candidly informed him that I holly inexperienced in such matters, but as his counsel I would take the liberty to advise him of the monstrous impropriety of any visible manifestation or expression of the newly revived attach assurance upon my part, however, that when divorced, he would be lawfully entitled to re-enter the ait seeh to which the above was the prelude, hardly preparedrevelation that another felloas now actually keeping cos here overcame him for a”tied up,” while the coast was clear to his competitor After a moment of deep study, he expressed the opinion in substance, that if his rival could only be held in check until the divorce was granted, he was confident all would be well
I here told hi a line where it would be i his chair up a little closer, and looking atfellow, and rather a glib talker, and I will give you this hundred dollars if you will cut that fellow out until I get nation, as well as surprise--for I was _young_ then in the practice--I assured him that his proposal was out of the doht of for adeep astonish for , but this is the exception; and besides, if the young lady is as beautiful as you say she is, you would be _in greater danger from me_ at the end of your probation than froht of that,”
he exclaimed, as he pocketed his hundred dollars, picked up his hat, and leftter the divorce aforementioned, I approached my client as he sat solitary in the rear of the court-rooratulated hiht his own battles ”Yes,” he replied, with a groan that touched the heart of the tipstaff near by, ”but it's too late now; _she married that other fellow last Thursday”_
TAKEN BY SURPRISE