Part 26 (2/2)
He had done things he never would have done otherwise. The trips on the turnpike, as mindless and free as migration. The girl and the s.e.x, the touch of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s so unlike Mary's. Talking with a man who was a crook. Being accepted finally by that man as a serious person. The illegal exhilaration of throwing the gasoline bombs and the dreamy terror, like drowning, when it seemed the car would not lurch up over the embankment and carry him away. Deep emotions had been excavated from his dry, middle-echelon executive's soul like the relics of a dark religion from an archaeological dig. He knew what it was to be alive. alive.
Of course there were bad things. The way he had lost control in Handy Andy's, shouting at Mary. The gnawing loneliness of those first two weeks alone, alone for the first time in twenty years with only the dreadful, mortal beat of his own heart for company. Being punched by Vinnie-Vinnie Mason of all people!-in the department store. The awful fear hangover the morning after he had firebombed the construction. That lingered most of all.
But even those things, as bad as they had been, had been new and somehow exciting, like the thought that he might be insane or going insane. The tracks through the interior landscape he had been strolling (or crawling?) through these last two months were the only tracks. He had explored himself and if what he had been finding was often ba.n.a.l, it was also sometimes dreadful and beautiful.
His thoughts reverted to Olivia as he had last seen her, standing on the turnpike ramp with her sign, LAS VEGAS OR BUST! held up defiantly into the cold indifference of things. He thought of the bank poster: GO AWAY. Why not? There was nothing to hold him here but dirty obsession. No wife and only the ghost of a child, no job and a house that would be an unhouse in a week and a half. He had cash money and a car he owned free and clear. Why not just get in it and go?
A kind of wild excitement seized him. In his mind's eye he saw himself shutting off the lights, getting into the LTD, and driving to Las Vegas with the money in his pocket. Finding Olivia. Saying to her: Let's GO AWAY. Let's GO AWAY. Driving to California, selling the car, booking pa.s.sage to the South Seas. From there to Hong Kong, from Hong Kong to Saigon, to Bombay, to Athens, Madrid, Paris, London, New York. Then to- Driving to California, selling the car, booking pa.s.sage to the South Seas. From there to Hong Kong, from Hong Kong to Saigon, to Bombay, to Athens, Madrid, Paris, London, New York. Then to- Here?
The world was round, that was the deadly truth of it. Like Olivia, going to Nevada, resolving to shake the s.h.i.+t loose. Gets stoned and raped the first time around the new track because the new track is just like the old track, in fact it is the old track, around and around until you've worn it down too deep to climb out and then it's time to close the garage door and turn on the ignition and just wait wait The evening drew on and his thoughts went around and around, like a cat trying to catch and swallow its own tail. At last he fell asleep on the couch and dreamed of Charlie.
January 11, 1974
Magliore called him at quarter past one in the afternoon.
”Okay,” he said. ”We'll do business, you and I. It's going to cost you nine thousand dollars. I don't suppose that changes your mind. ”
”In cash?”
”What do you mean in cash? Do you think I'm gonna take your personal check?”
”Okay. Sorry.”
”You be at the Revel Lanes Bowladrome tomorrow night at ten o'clock. You know where that is?”
”Yes, out on Route 7. Just past the Skyview Shopping Mall.”
”That's right. There'll be two guys on lane sixteen wearing green s.h.i.+rts with Marlin Avenue Firestone on the back in gold thread. You join them. One of them will explain everything you need to know. That'll be while you're bowling. You bowl two or three strings, then you go outside and drive down the road to the Town Line Tavern. You know where that is?”
”No.”
”Just go west on 7. It's about two miles from the bowling alley on the same side. Park in back. My friends will park beside you. They'll be driving a Dodge Custom Cab pickup. Blue. They'll transfer a crate from their truck to your wagon. You give them an envelope. I must be crazy, you know that? Out of my gourd. I'll probably go up for this. Then I'll have a nice long time to wonder why the f.u.c.k I did it.”
”I'd like to talk to you next week. Personally.”
” No. Absolutely not. I ain't your father confessor. I never want to see you again. Not even to talk to you. To tell you the truth, Dawes, I don't even want to read about you in the paper. ”
”It's a simple investment matter.”
Magliore paused.
”No,” he said finally.
”This is something no one can ever touch you on,” he told Magliore. ”I want to set up a a trust fund for someone.”
”Your wife?”
”No. ”
”You stop by Tuesday,” Magliore said at last. ”Maybe I'll see you. Or maybe I'll have better sense.”
He hung up.
Back in the living room, he thought of Olivia and of living-the two seemed constantly bound up together. He thought of GOING AWAY. He thought of Charlie, and he could hardly remember Charlie's face anymore, except in snapshot fas.h.i.+on. How could this be possibly happening, then?
With sudden resolution he got up, went to the phone, and turned to TRAVEL in the yellow pages. He dialed a number. But when a friendly female voice on the other end said, ”Arnold Travel Agency, how may we help you?” he hung up and stepped quickly away from the phone, rubbing his hands together.
January 12, 1974
The Revel Lanes Bowladrome was a long, fluorescent-lit building that resounded with piped-in Muzak, a jukebox, shouts and conversation, the stuttering bells of pinball machines, the rattle of the coin-op b.u.mper-pool game, and above all else, the lumbering concatenation of falling pins and the booming, droning roll of large black bowling b.a.l.l.s.
He went to the counter, got a pair of red-and-white bowling shoes (which the clerk sprayed ceremonially with an aerosol foot disinfectant before allowing them to leave his care), and walked down to Lane 16. The two men were there. He saw that the one standing up to roll was the mechanic who had been replacing the m.u.f.fler on the day of his first trip to Magliore's Used Car Sales. The fellow sitting at the scoring table was one of the fellows who had come to his house in the TV van. He was drinking a beer from a waxed-paper cup. They both looked at him as he approached.
”I'm Bart,” he said.
”I'm Ray,” the man at the table said. ”And that guy”-the mechanic was rolling now-”is Alan.”
The bowling ball left Alan's hand and thundered down the alley. Pins exploded everywhere and then Alan made a disgusted noise. He had left the seven-ten split. He tried to hang his second ball over the right gutter and get them both. The ball dropped into the gutter and he made another digusted noise as the pin-setter knocked them back.
”Go for one,” Ray admonished. ”Always go for one. Who do you think you are, Billy Welu?”
”I didn't have english on the ball. A little more and kazam. Hi, Bart.
”h.e.l.lo. ”
They shook hands all around.
”Good to meet you,” Alan said. Then, to Ray: ”Let's start a new string and let Bart in on it. You got my a.s.s whipped in this one anyhow.”
”Sure.”
”Go ahead and go first, Bart,” Alan said.
He hadn't bowled in maybe five years. He selected a twelve-pound ball that felt right to his fingers and promptly rolled it down the left-hand gutter. He watched it go, feeling like a horse's a.s.s. He was more careful with the next ball but it hooked and he only got three pins. Ray rolled a strike. Alan hit nine and then covered the four pin.
At the end of the five frames the score was Ray 89, Alan 76, Bart 40. But he was enjoying the feeling of sweat on his back and the unaccustomed exertion of certain muscles that were rarely given the chance to show off.
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