Fleeting Midsummer Chapter 20 (1/2)

Chapter 20: Returning Home (5)

I want my wife!

I woke up really early on New Year’s Eve. This town did not ban fireworks like Beijing did. The sounds of the children’s laughter as they played with the fireworks came in from outside the window. When I was young, I loved the coming of the new year. There were new clothes to wear, big red packets to take, and I was carefree with no fear- even now I still loved the new year- because I didn’t need to go to school…… Actually even up to now I hadn’t run into many problems. I was just worried about my work and exams. Thinking about this, it really didn’t count as a major setback or frustration. I was a little envious of the females on TV who acted in those shows where they would brave through the winds and storms to reach clear skies. At least as it neared a new year, one could take a look at life as it kept changing, peering into the past.

After eating lunch, I planned to self discipline myself. At that time, my mother had not yet become an stock investor and my home had no computer. I braved the cold wind to go to an internet cafe, as I prepared to send an email to Xiao Xi.

When I opened my mailbox, the computer cursor flashed and the computer screen was completely white. Because I did not know whether I wanted it to be a love letter or a simple narrative. I wrote some and deleted some, deleted some more and continued writing. I finally wrote: Xiao Xi, my family has begun to wrap some dumplings. Although this kind of a tradition isn’t upheld in this region, my mum says eating dumplings represents reunion. I hope that, next New Year’s Eve, you and I will be sitting around the reunion table eating dumplings. Oh and I never understood, although your dream was to enter Peking University’s medical school, why did you end up going to the Economics Department?

I silently read this email two times. I felt this message seemed like a love letter and also like a narrative. I had even brought up some nutritional issues within the email. It seemed that I really couldn’t stop myself from modelling the email after the standard love letter. Only then did I carefully and solemnly hit “Send”.

In the ancient times, did the girl who sent the swan goose out to send a letter look up at the sky everyday, waiting for her carrier pigeon to return? But why would she even allow the bird to p.o.o.p on her face so easily like that, especially with the quality of the air, in the era of rampant birds and beasts. The pretty daughter in a humble family that I imagined wiped her face while thinking foolishly: Science and technology have developed tons. I don’t need to really “raise my hand and look around”, expecting a reply. As long as I quietly wait, it will be okay.

On the way back home from the internet cafe, I received a call from Yao Zi.

Yao Zi shouted into the phone: “Lin Lin, let’s go release some fireworks tonight.”

I calmly asked: “Say it, who else do you want to invite.”

Yao Zi was cheerful at the other end: “How did you know I wanted to invite some other people?”

“Rubbish. Being with you for twenty years, I haven’t even seen you invite me out to play with a kite. This time, you’ve made it sound so romantic. What kind of a crafty idea do you have in mind?”

“Hehe, you’re still the one who understands me. Gimme a kiss~~ I have also invited Shan Shan, and I will let Shan Shan invite Fang Yu Ke. The four of us can go release some fireworks. Tonight at 10:00, let’s meet by the road of Jiang Huai. Shan Shan will drive over.”

“When will that rascal Shan Shan get a driver’s license? The driver’s license he got abroad doesn’t count domestically.”

“Ugh, when did you become such a grandmother (TLN: alludes to women who love to be nosy and scold other ppl). Shan Shan has driven his car so many years abroad, so he can’t be stopped by a mere driver’s license after he returns. See you later!”

In fact, I really didn’t want Fang Yu Ke and Yao Zi to go out together. Fang Yu Ke’s heart already had someone he liked. Yesterday afternoon, the expression that appeared when he mentioned her, I also saw on Xiao Xi’s face when he looked at Yi Lian. Liking someone whose heart had someone else was very painful. I feared that Yao Zi would become fatally attracted to him with unrequited longing just like me, even though the longest Yao Zi stayed with her boyfriends was 3 months at the max……

At night, we ate dumplings and watched CCTV New Year’s Gala with our grandparents. Our parents began to attend to the guests and play mahjong. As I watched the clock turn to 9:00, I decided that I would go for a stroll while heading to Jianghuan Road.

It was really sad that all the businesses had closed on the last day of the lunar year. As I looked at the fireworks by myself, I seemed very lonely, especially when as I walked on the Jiangdong Big Bridge. Many lovers turned back to look at me. I think they must have been afraid I would commit suicide and jump.

If I had known this earlier, I would have set out at 10:00 pm instead. But now, I didn’t know how long it would take me to return. Continuing on and returning were just about the same, just like my love. I had persevered with my pain and had unfortunately let go of it. Those indiscernible thoughts and longings nagged at me. I shouted, as I continued to fight for my love. But these longings arose from pain, incessantly reminding me, just as they made me halt and turn my head.

On this lively, auspicious and peaceful evening, it was the first time I began to solemnly consider these issues concerning feelings, so much so that I began to examine yesterday’s question: What was the definition of love? In front of the Love G.o.d, was I really a pious believer? Why would I be indecisive? I shrunk my neck and pulled the down-filled clothing around me a little tighter, as I lay over the railing, watching the river warmly flow under the bridge and flow under my body. I felt a little emotional, almost like I wanted to cry. The fireworks from a distance became more and more beautiful, and I felt more and more distressed. This was not really like me. I remembered when I accompanied my mother and watched “Autumn in my Heart” (/wiki/Autumn_in_My_Heart). When Song Hye Kyo lay on her oppa’s body and died, my mom cried like her own son had died. I hadn’t shed a single tear. But now, my heart had been indescribably drawn out upon seeing fireworks.

Behind me, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I didn’t turn around. If a nosy auntie arrived behind me, advised me not to jump into the river, it would wreck my mournful mood and cut short my beautiful atmosphere.

The person behind me patted my shoulder again. I angrily turned around, just about to yell: “Don’t meddle in other people’s business”, when I found that Fang Yu Ke stood in front of me, suspiciously watching me. He asked: “ Enjoying the breezy wind on a hot day?”

I nodded: “ standing on the bridge looking at the scenery, looking at the people in the scenery watching me from upstairs. I’m pursuing an artistic mood.”

Fang Yu Ke walked forwards a few steps and put his fingers onto the railing, laughing as he said: “You’ve mastered reciting poems. You’ve improved.”

I disdainfully said: “I’ve already composed some poems back at KTV. Reciting poems is child’s play as far as I’m concerned.”

Fang Yu Ke didn’t jeer at me like he used to. Instead, he merely laughed, looking at the running water underneath the bridge. I faced the horizon. As it approached midnight, the fireworks began to intensify, as they became more and more gorgeous. The river water was reflected with so many [fireworks] that it became every color under the sun. It was extremely pleasant. I asked Fang Yu Ke: “Fang Yu Ke, why do you like your first love?”