Part 36 (2/2)

”That's not fair.”

”But it is fair for you to asperse my parenting? It is fair for you to imply I'm a drunk? Wake up and smell the bathroom vents, Victoria. Whether you like it or not, kids experiment with dope all the time. Just because you hated marijuana doesn't mean everyone is like you. For all we know, she inherited the same sensitivity to marijuana you have. Her temperament's a h.e.l.l of a lot more like yours than mine. You both have the same mood disorder, yet you've never heard me say a word about that, have you?”

Victoria stared out the window in silence.

”Of course not,” he said. ”And why is that? Because I'm not built that way. I would never, ever, come down on you for being in therapy. If there's any blame, it belongs to both of us. You heard Melinda. She said she was afraid to call home, because she thought we'd yell at her.”

”She was speaking to me, not you. She meant I would yell at her. How come the burden always falls on me?”

”Look, Victoria. You're making much too much out of what that Blount woman said.”

”That's another thing, Martin. You stood by and let that woman rip me to shreds without one single word. How am I supposed to feel about that?”

”I apologized to you. But I'll say it again. I'm sorry. I should have said something sooner.”

”So why didn't you? Why was it me that had to take all her s.h.i.+t? Why didn't you protect me?”

”I should have; you're right about that, Victoria. I don't know what I was thinking. But you're not the only one who's worried sick about Gregory and Melinda. I didn't know what to do in those sessions. It's not an excuse, but like I said, I'm truly sorry. I never said I had no role in this, but how many teenage girls discuss their first crush with their fathers? Did you?”

”She should have told you about it, at least after the fact. If you'd had a better relations.h.i.+p with her, you would have known something was wrong and been able to get her to talk about it.”

”'Get her to talk about it'? You're out of your mind!” Martin shouted. ”Since when has any parent been able to get their fourteen-year-old to do anything? That's ridiculous.”

Out of your mind and ridiculous resonated with every accusation Victoria had heard as a child. She raised her hand to slap him. It took every ounce of self-control to fight the urge.

Martin had finally had enough. ”You'd better use your other hand if you're going to hit me, or do you want to shatter your wrist again?” Martin taunted.

”Ridiculous. Ridiculous? Don't you dare try and turn this around on me.”

”Christ almighty. Is there any use talking to you? What makes you think she should have talked with me any more than you? How much of your personal life did you share with your parents?”

”My father was weak. He let my mother run roughshod over him and me just like you stood by while that Blount witch cornered me into the ropes. Like you let Melinda dump on me. It's like it always was. My father, now you. There's no man I can count on to protect me. No one.”

”Are you finished yet?” Martin said unrepentantly.

”d.a.m.n you! d.a.m.n all of you,” Victoria exploded in a rage that overshadowed all the good Martin brought to their marriage. ”You're not a man. You're just like him.”

You're just like him. You're just like him. As she said the words, Victoria began to tremble, and the room started spinning. Reeling, she staggered to the couch.

Martin looked as though she'd ripped out his heart.

And then Victoria felt the tingling she had experienced as a teenager. It spread through her body like the panic attacks she had suffered since Thanksgiving. When it centered deep in her pelvis it resonated with the l.u.s.t she felt as a teenager. For the moment the man in front of her wasn't Martin. Instead, he became her father's friend Mr. Brendel, a weak man who squandered his power and good looks through drunkenness and debauchery.

Something was very wrong with her, Victoria realized. Very wrong. For sure, Martin may have had faults, but weakness was not one of them. He had always been kind to her. How could she turn on him so viciously?

Martin said, ”I'm going to Pennsylvania Hospital at noon to collect Melinda. I'll take her wherever she wants to go for lunch. Then, Melinda and I are going to see Gregory. As for you, do as you like. I'm leaving.”

Martin's tone made Victoria's blood run cold. Feeling more terror than rage, she cried, ”Martin, please. I didn't mean it. I-”

”We'll see about that later. This changes everything. I'm going to see my son and my daughter.”

”Martin, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I shouldn't have ...”

”You don't need to apologize, Victoria. Now, I know how you feel. All these years, I thought you loved me.”

”No, Martin. It's not that. Please. You don't understand.”

”What's there to understand?”

Victoria tried to think of something, but all she could do was beg, ”Don't go, Martin. Please.”

”Melinda's going to ask where you are,” Martin remarked coldly. ”What do you want me to tell her?”

Victoria looked at her fingers, wondering whose they were. ”I don't know. Tell her whatever you want,” she whispered.

”Get ahold of yourself, Victoria,” Martin said icily. ”I will not tolerate your upsetting my daughter.”

Martin turned and left, leaving Victoria with an overwhelming sense of dej vu and a pulse rate of 150. She stared at the gazebo in the square in a trance, knowing that her outburst at Martin had little to do with him.

65.

It took Victoria an hour to stand up and get going. On the way upstairs to dress, she pa.s.sed the chair in which she sat during phone sessions with Jonas. She longed to hear his voice and make sense of what was happening.

She made it her business to be at CHOP before Martin and Melinda arrived there. At two o'clock, she settled into her chair next to Gregory, who had been able to sit up off and on for several days. Pie-eyed and somnolent, he acknowledged his mother with a weak smile.

A bleached blonde, plump-but-not-frumpy woman, whose name tag read 'Janice Raines, RPT,' entered the room and announced it was time for Gregory's first session of physical therapy. ”We need to do a thorough evaluation and come up with a plan. Today's goal is to see if Gregory can support himself.”

Still consumed with the ugly scene between Martin and herself, Victoria barely heard the woman. ”Are you sure he's ready?” she managed.

Janice said, ”We have to start somewhere. Even if he can't support his weight on his own, it'll be good for his heart to reacclimate to pumping harder. Remember, except for the few hours he's been sitting, Gregory's been lying flat for a long time; his heart hasn't had to work against gravity the way it normally does. Don't worry, Mrs. Braun. There'll be several of us to make sure he doesn't fall.”

”I'd like to come with you,” Victoria said.

”That's fine. Here, let's get him into the wheelchair.”

Victoria scrawled a message on a get-well-card envelope, which she taped to Gregory's bed: Martin. We're in the Physical Therapy suite on the third floor. Join us. PLEASE.

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