Volume I Part 4 (1/2)
”Pooh--pooh! Tom Drum: Lillibullero! 'Twon't do:--forged papers! Never think to put off your rogue's tricks on Captain le Harnois.” So saying he rolled off to complete his quarter-deck turn, preparing however to open his fire again when he came upon the other tack.
Bertram's indignation was naturally great at what he viewed as an unprovoked outrage; and in spite of his precarious situation, and though fully aware that he was in the Captain's power, he was on the point of giving a loose to those feelings which calumniated innocence is at all times privileged to express--when the boatswain tapped him on the shoulder and whispered in his ear:
”Easy, master, easy: the Captain doesn't mean all he says: he speaks worse than he thinks, when he has taken his breakfast rather early. He takes brandy to breakfast, you understand. Twice a day he hauls his wind, and speaks you as fair as a man could wish; just afore breakfast, that's once; your next time's just afore noon. Oh! but it's pleasant talking with the Captain then.”
At this moment Captain le Harnois was again bearing down; and, just as he brought his broadside to bear, Bertram--who was in the act of gathering up his scattered papers and replacing them in his pocket-book-contented himself with observing that on sh.o.r.e he hoped at least to meet with some magistrate that would pay more respect to papers regularly authenticated.
”Sh.o.r.e magistrate!” thundered the Captain, ”the dragon and his horns!
what's a sh.o.r.e magistrate more than a salt-water magistrate? _Mort de ma vie!_ I take it a Captain's commission, with four ministers' hands to it--signed and countersigned, should be as good as a lubber's warrant. What talk to me of lawyers and justices? The _Fleurs de lys_ is as good a lawyer as I know. Egad, when she shows her teeth” (and here Captain le Harnois grinned horribly, and showed his own which ”after _their_ kind” were not less formidable),--”Egad, she can lay down the law too: egad, can she: aye and I've seen the day” (and here the Captain chuckled in a fondling tone), ”I've seen the day that the little wanton devil has _made_ law: and d---d good law it was; though some said not--blast their eyes!”
To all this Bertram was silent: and Captain le Harnois, pursuing his tender remembrances, broke out afresh:
”Ah the pretty little vengeful devil!--Ha! ha! ha! I remember----but d---n me, if that's not the very thing that Master Tommy here is thinking of. He has heard that story; or some other as good; and that's what he means by singing out for sh.o.r.e law. But, youngster, I'd have you to know _that's_ all over: that score's rubbed out; and the little frisky gipsy (d---n her for a little hardened devil!) has got her pardon. All's right now: her decks are washed: she has a chaplain on board; and she carries the flag of His Most Christian Majesty.”
”Indeed!” said Bertram.
”Aye indeed, most venerable youth; the flag of _Louis le Desire_, do you hear? Have you any thing to say against that? What does Smock-face think of the Bourbons? Is Smock-face not a good subject? Eh?”
”Captain le Harnois, I am neither a French subject by birth; nor in any respect indebted to the French government; nor owe it any obedience. On which account I am sure you will see the propriety of dispensing with any declaration of my political sentiments in this matter.”
”What, what, what? not Bourbonish? Oh! but that's a foul fault, master Tommy. My s.h.i.+p--(d---n her for a little vixen! she doesn't know what she'd be at!)--My s.h.i.+p, _she's_ Bourbonish: _I_'m Bourbonish: my lads--_they_'re Bourbonish: we're all Bourbonish: and I'll have n.o.body swabbing my deck, that's not Bourbonish.”
”I congratulate myself,” said Bertram, ”on sailing with so loyal a subject of his Most Christian Majesty.”
”Aye, _that's_ soon said. But, if youngster is not Bourbonish, is he not _liberal_ neither?”
”Such are my unfortunate circ.u.mstances, Captain le Harnois, that at present it is wholly out of my power to be liberal: I really----.”
”Come, _that's_ well however: glad of that: that's something, my shy c.o.c.k: any thing but a liberal or a const.i.tutional. Cut portmanteau-straps; waylay old women; hocus pocus; any thing you like.
But I'll have no liberal doings here: no liberality shall be found on board of me, whilst my name's le Harnois. d.a.m.n! I've a character to support.
”I believe we mistake each other: there are different sorts of liberality; and what I meant to say was----
”I care nothing about it: it signifies nothing talking about sorts of liberality: I'll have _no_ sort.--And now, pray, what religion are you of? Has Smock-face no religion, eh?”
”Really, Captain le Harnois, it does appear to me, that no man is authorized or commissioned, merely upon the strength of flinging a rope to a drowning man, or affording him some common office of humanity, to inst.i.tute an inquiry into his religious creed.”
”Oh crimini! Not commissioned? By my commission I'm to lay hold of every man that has any thing to say against his Most Christian Majesty--the Catholic faith--or our Lady. My commission is that I'm to overhaul _every_ man's religion. And as to what younker says about flinging a rope,--a rope's end for it! If I fling a rope to a drowning man and he lays hold of it, by my commission I'm to say--Ahoy there, waterfowl, are you religious? Is your religion so and so? And, if he sings out--_No_, my commission is to let go the rope and to say--Then first of all get baptized with salt water; and, when that's done, come and tell Captain le Harnois. _That's_ my commission. D---n! I think I should know what my commission is: d---n!”
”But, Captain, you can surely make allowances for my education: _that_ may have been unfortunate; but still I profess the most entire respect for the Romish church and her adherents.”
”Respect and be d---d! I'll have no respect; I'll have religion--pure, neat, religion--with none of your Protestant water in it, or d---d half and half. My s.h.i.+p, a little vixen, _she's_ religious: for I tell you she's had her decks scrubbed by the chaplain: _I_'m religious; s.h.i.+p's company's religious: we're _all_ religious. And my pa.s.sengers shall be religious: or my name's not le Harnois. For my commission says, that I'm to have none but the very best of Christians aboard: prime articles, and none else: no damaged lots.”
Bertram was perfectly confounded at hearing of such intense orthodoxy on board a man of war: but he was disposed to question the entire accuracy of the representation on chancing to observe, that all the crew, who were behind the Captain's back, were laughing as they went about their work. Captain le Harnois himself seemed more than half disposed to laugh at his own picture of the holy _Fleurs de lys_. But at this moment he began to feel drowsy; and, giving up for the present any further examination of his pa.s.senger's theology, he got under weigh for his cabin: grumbling out, as he advanced, but without looking back--
”Well: this'll do for the first examination. And for our Lady's sake, and for the honour of the white lily, Smockface may bundle himself between decks--till the next time that we pump s.h.i.+p; and then he must over board with the bilge water. We must be charitable now and then for our Lady's sake. But let us have no irreligion. Let all be handsome, lovely, Bourbonish, and religious. What the d---l! An irreligious dog aboard Captain le Harnois? But I shall overhaul his principles: for that's what my commission says: else my name's not le Harnois: d.a.m.n!”--With which emphatic monosyllable, ascending in a growl from the bottom of the companion ladder, Captain le Harnois concluded his matins on the deck of the _Fleurs de lys_.
A roar of laughter followed his final disappearance; and a succession of songs, which seemed any thing but ”handsome, lovely, Bourbonish, or religious.”