Part 19 (1/2)

”I'm not that innocent, and my grief over losing Rick wasn't the only reason I took off for Emerald Cove. I ran because of you, Alison. I ran because you were free and he was gone and I wanted a h.e.l.l of a lot more than I should have.”

The bluntness of the statement jolted her all the way down to her toes. She scrambled for something to say, but her brain refused to rally. She stared at him, hating that he'd tortured himself with this for so many years.

”What kind of man does that make me?” he asked. ”What kind of man steps in where his best friend left off?”

”An honest one. A man who trusts his heart. G.o.d, Drew, I don't think either of us has been very honest about what's been happening between us so far.”

”Or maybe that just makes me a son of a b.i.t.c.h.”

”It doesn't. Your best friend is gone, Drew. My husband is gone. We loved him. We will always love him. But if his death has taught me anything, it is that life goes on.”

”Does it, Alison? Does it really?”

”Ask yourself that question the next time you're with Kevin,” she said, trying desperately to shove back a surge of emotion. ”He's so full of life and hope-” Her voice broke, forcing her to pause. ”I've spent the last four years doing that. And, yes, that child has taught me that life does, indeed, go on.” She took a shuddery breath. ”What's been happening between you and I... Drew, it's real and honest and good. Rick wouldn't begrudge either of us any of those things. He loved us, too. So for G.o.d's sake, stop blaming yourself for something you played no role in.”

Closing his eyes, Drew lowered his head and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, as if struggling against a barrage of emotions that was too much for him to handle.

Alison could only imagine how difficult this was for him. She knew him well enough to know he would just as soon cut off his own arm than share something as private as his emotions. She could practically feel the pain coming off him. She wished she could absorb it and somehow take on some of his pain herself, but knew she couldn't. He had to do that himself. Maybe it would take him one step closer to healing, one step closer to putting this behind him once and for all.

”You've been holding this inside you for a long time,” she said quietly.

Raising his head, he looked at her, his jaws clamped tight with tension. ”There are some things that just don't go away.”

”They don't go away if you hold them inside.”

”I feel responsible for what happened,” he said. ”I feel guilty as h.e.l.l because Rick's dead and I'm here with you.”

She s.h.i.+ed away from the last statement, thinking she would broach it later, when she felt steadier. ”Have you tried counseling?”

A half smile tugged at one side of his mouth. ”You mean other than a bartender?”

She smiled. ”Kimberly's a registered nurse. She'll know someone. I can get a name and number-”

”Let me think about it, okay?”

Because he'd ventured this far, she didn't want to push him and nodded. ”Okay. Just let me know. All right?”

”Yeah.” His gaze sought hers, and he looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. ”I thought you blamed me. Even when you denied it, I didn't believe you. I always figured that deep down inside you hated me.”

”Never.”

”It means a lot to hear you say that.”

”It's the truth.”

The distant rumble of thunder punctuated her words. The wind had picked up at some point and Alison could hear the palm fronds sc.r.a.ping rhythmically against the front window. Lightning flashed in her peripheral vision, but she didn't move.

”There's a storm coming,” she said, surprised when her voice sounded breathless.

”A bad one.”

Alison stared at Drew, suddenly aware that they were standing dangerously close. Her heart was pounding hard and fast and she could feel the pulse of it throughout her body. It was as if her every sense had been heightened to a fever pitch. She was aware of the scent of his aftershave surrounding her. She felt the heat of his gaze like the sun on her skin, burning her. Vaguely she was aware of the sound of rain against the roof.

”Come here,” he said.

He didn't wait for her to move and traversed the short span between them with a single step. A kaleidoscope of emotions played over his face, making him look dangerous and vulnerable at once. His eyes darkened. His mouth softened, but he didn't smile. She wasn't sure who reached for whom, but the next thing she knew they were body to body. And the very air around them seemed to vibrate with electricity.

She started at a sudden clap of thunder. A s.h.i.+ver barreled through her when she felt his hands at her back, caressing her with small, gentle circles. His cheek was pressed warmly against hers. The chafe of his whiskers felt indescribably good. She was keenly aware of the hard ridge of his arousal against her belly. The warmth of his breath against her ear.

A quiver ran the length of his body when she leaned into him and put her arms around his neck. Tension coiled in the rock-hard muscles of his shoulders. Pulling away slightly, he cupped her face and kissed her. Tender kisses at first. When that was no longer enough, he took more, crus.h.i.+ng his mouth against hers, dipping with his tongue to taste her.

Need coursed through her body like a fast-acting drug rus.h.i.+ng through her veins. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s grew heavy and full and began to ache. She felt the tug of need deep in her womb. Heat spread through her as if she'd been doused with gasoline and set afire. But it was a sweet pain that burned her flesh and she reveled in it.

Drew kissed her long and hard and until her blood ran hot. Breaking the kiss, he lifted his T-s.h.i.+rt over his head and tossed it aside. Until this moment, Alison had never felt free to truly touch him. To explore or marvel at the stark male beauty of his body. But she did so now, running her hands over his chest where the muscle beneath her palms jumped with tension. She brushed her fingertips over the hardened nubs of his nipples, and he groaned low in his throat.

She struggled to unfasten the fly of his jeans. She could feel the length of him straining against the denim, and the need to touch him there was every bit as urgent as the need to take her next breath.

”Not here,” he whispered. ”The bedroom. I want all of you this time. No holds barred.”

The words both thrilled and unnerved her. Desire and the inherent need to protect her heart from danger pulled her in different directions. Needing a moment to regroup, she eased away from him and started toward the hall. Her head spun as she entered Kevin's room. But the sight of him made her smile. She covered him. ”Good night, sweetheart,” she whispered and kissed his cheek.

Drew met her in the hall. ”He asleep?”

”He didn't even stir when I covered him.”

The next thing she knew she was being swept into his arms. She started to protest, but his mouth came down on hers and stole her breath. Alison kissed him back, vaguely aware that he was carrying her toward her bedroom. Antic.i.p.ation and nerves and a sudden wrenching uncertainty clashed inside her. Drew entered the room, closed the door behind them and laid her gently on the bed.

”You're shaking,” he said.

”So are you.”

He hadn't turned on the light, but she could make out enough of his face from the lightning flas.h.i.+ng outside the window to see the tension in his expression.

”You sure about this?” he asked. ”I mean, if you're not-”

”I am.” She was, she realized. She wanted to be with him in every way a woman could be with a man. She wanted to touch him. To be touched. Physically. Emotionally.

There had been no one in the four years Rick had been gone. Alison had accepted the reality that there would never be another man in her life. She hadn't counted on Drew Evans entering the picture and turning her world upside down.

She kept a candle on the night table next to the bed. It touched her when he knelt and fumbled around in the semidarkness to light it. With the candlelight flickering, and the scent of vanilla rising, he stood and looked down at her. He was incredibly attractive and startlingly male. The sight of him made her pulse skitter madly with antic.i.p.ation and the heady zing of nerves.

Yellow light flickered over his body as he unfastened his jeans and stepped out of them. Her heart rapped hard against her ribs as he moved toward her, and she started shaking all over again.

Lightning flashed beyond the windows, illuminating the flex of his muscles as he crawled into bed. Alison was still fully clothed, but when his body touched hers, she suddenly wanted nothing separating them. As if reading her mind, Drew reached for the hem of her T-s.h.i.+rt and drew it over her head. She jolted when he reached around behind her and unclasped her bra.

Using his arms for support on either side of her, he leaned down and kissed her softly. Her body went liquid when he pressed his full length against her. Never taking his mouth from hers, he propped on an elbow and reached for her. An involuntary sound escaped her when he cupped her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. He trapped her sensitized nipples between his thumbs and forefingers and the pleasure that followed was almost too much to bear.

Alison arched and whispered his name and felt her control begin to slip away. Need like she'd never before known coiled inside her, a short fuse about to explode. She felt feverish, as if she were burning up inside and the only thing that would douse the heat was his touch. He kissed her hungrily and her body began to ache. A sweet, uncomfortable ache that pounded through her with every beat of her heart.