Part 5 (1/2)
She met his gaze frankly. ”I told you before, Alex. Guys like you don't date women like me.”
He smiled. ”And I told you--”
She stopped him with a nervous laugh. ”I know what you told me.”
”Sarah, what exactly is a woman like you?”
She shrugged, curling her feet beneath her. ”I'm just normal. Nothing
spectacular, Alex. A guy like you can probably go out every night with a different woman on his arm and never once have to settle for a date with someone who couldn't pa.s.s for a supermodel.”
”Do I look like I'm settling by being here with you?”
Again, she shrugged. ”Maybe.”
”And the kiss? Was that settling?”
”I don't know, Alex!” Sarah cried suddenly. ”I don't know you at all!”
She was right, of course. They'd spent less than ten hours together in total. Of
that, maybe five of those hours they had spent in conversation. Hardly enough time to get to know each other.
”I'd like to get to know you.”
”We have nothing in common.” Sarah winced as the hot tea touched her mouth, and she set her cup down hard enough to rattle it against the saucer.
Alex wasn't willing to let her escape with so feeble an excuse. ”What are you afraid of?”
”You.” She sounded honest. ”I'm afraid of you.”
Afraid? Alex frowned as the thought surfaced. Of what? He s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably, unsure of what to do or say next. Had he been too forceful? The privacy that had seemed so seductive before now became awkward. Was she afraid he was going to try to force himself on her?
He knew he was much larger than she was and that made some women uncomfortable. Emma had told him it made them feel at risk. He hadn't understood what it was like to be a woman until his niece had come to live with him. h.e.l.l, he still didn't understand what it was like to be a woman. He had an insight, but not much more.
”Is it ... am I too big?” he asked, uncertain how to phrase the question.
Sarah looked at him goggle-eyed for a moment, a deep, brick red suffusing her cheeks. ”What?” Her voice sounded slightly strangled.
”Too big. Do I make you uncomfortable?” The words began tumbling out, a terrible trait he had, but one he couldn't seem to modify. ”My niece told me sometimes women are afraid to be alone with big men, that they wouldn't be able to defend themselves if he tried to ... if he wanted to...” His voice trailed off self-consciously. ”Are you afraid I'm going to try and force myself on you, Sarah? Because I would never, ever...”
”Oh, no!” Sarah cried, clapping a hand to her mouth--in horror or embarra.s.sment, he couldn't tell which. ”Oh, no, Alex, I didn't mean to make you think...”
”I'm sorry if I came on too strong...”
”I wasn't even thinking about that at all...”
They were speaking at the same time. Alex sighed. ”You go ahead.”
Sarah bit her lip and looked at her hands before meeting his eyes. ”I didn't mean that kind of afraid.”
Now he was even more confused. ”What kind of afraid?”
”I'm not physically afraid.” She twisted her fingers together in her lap. ”To tell you the truth, that hadn't occurred to me at all. I meant afraid. Like afraid ... emotionally, I guess.”
”Oh.” He felt like a jerk, but that's all he could think of to say. His tongue could flap on both sides when he didn't want it to, but just try to come up with something understanding and suave, and he clammed up tight.
”I realize we're not even remotely close to that point yet,” Sarah rushed on, as if to cover up any embarra.s.sment caused by his tepid response. ”I'm not a.s.suming anything, I mean. Not from one kiss. Oh, G.o.d.” She covered her eyes for a moment. ”I'm making a mess of this.”
She was and that made him feel much better. At least he wasn't the only one tongue-tied. ”No, you're not.”
”You really mean yes.” Sarah gave him a sheepish grin. ”I can admit it.”
”No, really.”
”One thing I respect in a man, above all else, is honesty. I'm making a muck of what I wanted to say, Alex, and I'm sorry.”
Alex did the only thing he could think of to do. He kissed her again. Her mouth had been half-open in speech when he covered it with his, and instantly the taste of her filled him. Her tongue stroked his, then again. His p.e.n.i.s stiffened, hard like iron, and he put his hand to the back of her head to pull her closer.
Then all at once, she was gone, and all he was kissing was empty air.
Sarah got off the couch and knelt in front of the shallow fireplace, well-aware Alex was staring at her like she'd grown two heads or something. She needed to do something to occupy her hands and lighting a fire was the first thing that had come to her mind.
She'd expected him to make some comment, but Alex sat silently. She only had to turn around to look at him, to see his handsome face. Then she'd know whether he was smiling or frowning, whether she'd offended or amused him. Sarah wasn't sure she wanted to find out.
The kiss on the porch had taken her breath away and weakened her knees. Cliched, but true. The kiss on the couch had left her reeling.
As she dropped the matches into the nest of kindling she'd already prepared, Sarah noticed her hands had stopped trembling. Good. She needed to have her head on straight, especially if she was going to do what she thought she was going to do.
”I'm not a prude.” She kept her eyes focused on the flames. ”I've had relations.h.i.+ps before, Alex. Some have been long, others very short. One night even.”
He did not respond. She'd finished the fire, and now could only sit back and watch the blaze fill the fireplace. With one last look to be sure she'd used enough wood, Sarah brushed her hands carefully. Then she turned back toward the couch.
Alex had stretched out his long legs and linked his hands behind his head, but at her words,in went the long legs, down came the hands, until Alex sat straight-backed on the couch, his hands on his thighs.
”Do you want me to leave?”
”No.” She put her face on her knees for a moment before looking at him again. ”Yes ... I don't know, Alex.”
In one smooth motion, he slipped off the couch to sit by her on the floor. Then his mouth was on hers again, his arms around her, and all she could think of was how good it felt to have the heat of the fire against her back and Alex's heat against her front. She was glad he'd made the move. She didn't have the nerve. Rivka always called her Sarai, which meant ”the bold,” but in Alex Caine's presence Sarah felt anything but. Instead, she'd been catapulted back to high school, when the thought of kissing a boy had made her palms sweat.
She was sweating now and not only because the blaze had grown so high behind them. She pushed him gently, meaning to move him a little further toward the couch. At her touch, Alex slid backward onto the floor, taking her with him. She ended up on top of him, their legs tangled, so she became all too aware of the muscles in his thighs pressing against her.