Part 1 (1/2)

CIRCULAR MOTION.

A Novel.

By Ripple Redwood.

to the one that came before and the ones that will never be.

Chapter 1.

It was raining outside and I ran my eyes across her lying next to me. The clock behind her said 1 A.M. in digital red block lights that left afterimages on my retinas when I looked away. When I looked away I turned a little to my left and my back cracked as the bed creaked as I saw her eyes blink in the dark gray with a '1:00' tattooed onto her forehead. ”Aren't you done yet?”

She smiled and looked up at me. She knew I was kidding with my hair a mess ragged after nuzzling crooked against a pillow all night. Outside it was raining and when the rain came down it would tap against the window and skate the gla.s.s zagging left and zigging right. At least it will be over soon. I don't remember what happened next but later it was morning. She was sleeping. I dazed. In the morning later I remember looking at the golden square of sunlight on the thin carpet from open window and seeing shadows of dust in the air s.h.i.+ft like vapor trails in the desert. Golden square of desert in the cheap motel room here.

It was still raining. No, it wasn't raining but I could hear dripping water from somewhere. I watched her sleep with her eyes closed and I thought she was pretty with her eyes closed and lips slightly parted in the twilight but I couldn't say anything because she was sleeping with her eyes closed and lips slightly parted in the twilight. But this was earlier. Before the golden square of desert in the cheap motel room. This was earlier.

Further along she awoke and smiled. She was always smiling. Unless she didn't know you were looking. I smiled back because that is all part of the communication, ”Good morning.”

She lifted her arms above the headboard and stretched so I could see the mole in her left armpit. ”What time is it?”

I turned my head to look but the linens over our legs blocked the clock face with its digital block time. I remember wondering what time it will be the next time I look. But now I'm thinking the clock was probably fast by a none-integer hour value. So it was all rot anyway. The linens were silk and produced specular light reflections. ”I don't know.”

”Stop teasing.” I guess she thought I was kidding. I wasn't though. She giggled and the sun broke out from behind a cloud and it was bright in the room on the bed. The rain had stopped.

”I'm sorry. It's eight.” I figured eight was a good time. She nudged me with her elbow and twisted on her side and the sheet slid off her shoulder. I think she was wearing CK One. I smelled the perfume in her nape.

”Hey...” She rubbed her finger in circles against my chest. The circles were small and slow and soft and then sometimes she would use two fingers and thereby hangs the tale. I would hear the faucet drip in the background. ”I had another Dream.”

Dream she said. I found her first within a dream I think. And... but I still think... (can't say that (yet)). ”What kind was it?”

”Death this time.” She let go of me and faced her eyes up at the ceiling. ”It wasn't very good but it was enough.”

”What happened?” Death dreams are about being conscious of your unconsciousness. But I'm sorry. Show, don't tell, right? I ran some track in high school. Foot on concrete machine. (machine) Foot on concrete. Not that I was any good at it or anything. I glanced across the room and saw the clock and it said nine of the clock ().

”Whatever... I had this kid that asked me if we had any money. I mean I had this kid and my kid asked me if we had any money.” I think I'm still uncomfortable with s.e.x. ('Really? Did you make a lot of touchdowns?') I remember once I had this dis...o...b..ll in my room above my bed. The spotlight I thought was red but I guess it was really pink now that I think about it. But the important thing was that the focus wasn't right; there was always this halo on the wall like the sun during eclipse. I used to watch the lights come out of the halo and spin around the walls and then go back into it from eclipsed sun to black hole.

”I said don't worry about it and anyway I could always ask my dad, his grandfather, for money. I didn't say so but I also thought that what I don't have is years but whatever.” Remember that. Remember the circular motion of the dis...o...b..ll beams as well if you can.

”Ya?”

She paused and breathed and then went on. ”I know it was dumb but the void was there. Right here.”

I didn't have to look because its something I've heard before like those lights that flash on top of buildings so planes don't crash into them. Actually I don't know if it's so planes don't crash into them but you know what I mean. But she was pointing to her breastbone, the plate of connection for the spidery legs of her rib cage.

Then there was a lull like between the waves full of horseshoe crabs in Atlantic City at midnight. Which wasn't surprising; you can only touch these things with the tips of your fingers.

”Horseshoe crabs are really a kind of spider,” I said.

”What?” She laughed. ”I love your non sequiturs.”

”It wasn't really one.” I remember the stereo being on and listening to a Beck song that reminded me of a Lou Reed song. Oh hungry days, in the footsteps of fools... ”Do you still like me?”

”Ya.” I had to keep asking that to convince myself. ”Ya. A lot.”

”What about the life dreams?” Life dreams are the other kind of dream she sometimes has. They're kinda the same as death in a Zen yin-yang sort of way. Like in a.s.sembly if you just pop the stack before your function return you get tail recursion.

”Stop it.” Across the room on a desk there were three Minute Maid orange soda cans. Two of them were lying sideways and I guess could roll but didn't.

”Sorry.” I meant it that time. I was being mean.

She pulled herself up on her arms above me. ”You're beautiful.”

I smiled back. I mean I smiled and she smiled back. I couldn't take it seriously cuz I knew she had been through this before. So had I. I wanted to take it seriously, though; I wanted it to me more than communication, interface. ”Why, what makes me different?”

”Sure.” She was getting warm. ”You're very special to me, shaygetz”

I was looking up at the ceiling and listening to the faucet drip. I heard it three times and then I don't remember what happened next. I think she loved me.

”Sometimes I wonder where the suns are.” Oh it's such a perfect day... that was the Lou Reed song. Songs are like books in a way.

I'm not sure if any of that meant anything but you say weird things sometimes when you're half-asleep.

Later in the afternoon I went to get lunch. She didn't want to get out of bed so I left her behind in the room under the sheets curled against the particleboard wall smoking a cigarette.

Across the street from the place we were staying there was a restaurant/cafe with a black chalk sandwich board in front listing the menu in pink and white and blue. Inside the shop through the gla.s.s I could see the tables were all empty and wooden and round. When I opened the door a bell above me rang and before I got too far into the store a man with a black uniform and a white ap.r.o.n came up to me. ”How are you today, Sam?” he said.

”Fine.” Sam wasn't my name though. The bell rang again as the door closed behind me.

”Is it just one today?” He poked his head to the side and looked back at the door and then smiled at me again.

I nodded and he took me to a table by the wall that was already set with napkins and silverware. I sat down angled against the wall. I could see the window and street and the waiter hovering in front of me.

”Do you know what you want to eat yet or would you like to look at the menu?” He held up a pad of paper and poised a pen and smiled with teeth perfect like four years of braces or good denture cleaner.

I picked one of the sandwiches I remembered from the chalk menu in front. I think it was Brie or something. I remember staring at the waiter's clothing and seeing this stain on the ap.r.o.n that resembled England. It was a small stain but England isn't that big either.

”And to drink...?”

”Orange juice.”

”Sure.” He put the pad in his pocket and made some gestures with his hands. I didn't understand what he was trying to do.