Part 2 (1/2)

The desire to insure the efficiency of the young men selected, has not been the only object--perhaps not the chief object--of those who have yielded in this uland a systeradually necessary for politicians to use their influence for the purchase of political support A ht chance to have five clerkshi+ps to give away in a year, found hi those who sent hi pleasant to the distributer of patronage Do aith the systeether, and he would have as e only because another did so also The beggings, the refusings, the jealousies, the correspondence, were simply troublesome Gentlemen in office were not therefore indisposed to rid thee I have no doubt their hands are the cleaner and their hearts are the lighter; but I do doubt whether the offices are on the whole better manned

As what I norite will certainly never be read till I am dead, I may dare to say what no one now does dare to say in print,--though some of us whisper it occasionally into our friends' ears There are places in life which can hardly be well filled except by ”Gentlemen”

The word is one the use of which ale should be a gentleman, or a bishop, I am met with a scornful allusion to ”Nature's Gentlemen” Were I to make such an assertion with reference to the House of Cohtest attention A reater injury than by saying in public that the commissions in the ariven exclusively to gentlemen He would be defied to define the term,--and would fail should he attempt to do so But he would knohat he meant, and so very probably would they who defied hie shall becoentle culture as the son of the parson Such is often the case When such is the case, no one has been ive the butcher's son all the welcoreatly in favour of the parson's son The gates of the one class should be open to the other; but neither to the one class nor to the other can good be done by declaring that there are no gates, no barrier, no difference The system of competitive examination is, I think, based on a supposition that there is no difference

I got intoback now, I think I can see with accuracy as then the condition of s to be learned by lessons I knew almost less than could be supposed possible after the a I had received I could read neither French, Latin, nor Greek I could speak no foreign language,--and I may as well say here as elsewhere that I never acquired the power of really talking French I have been able to order ot much beyond that Of the norant My handwriting was in truth wretched My spelling was imperfect There was no subject as to which exaone through an exaracefully And yet I think I knew an life at nineteen

I could have given a fuller list of the names of the poets of all countries, with their subjects and periods,--and probably of historians,--than many others; and had, perhaps, a overned I knew the naes, all the Heads of Colleges, and all the Cabinet Ministers,--not a very useful knowledge indeed, but one that had not been acquired without other matter which was more useful I had read Shakespeare and Byron and Scott, and could talk about them The music of the Miltonic line was familiar to me I had already made up my lish language,--a pal of _Ivanhoe_, and did not coh I would occasionally break down into say, I could so say it in written words that the readers should knohat I meant,--a pohich is by no means at the command of all those who come out from these competitive exae of fifteen, I had co a journal, and this I maintained for ten years The voluarded--never looked at--till 1870, when I examined them, and, with norance, indiscretion, idleness, extravagance, and conceit But they had habituated ht me how to express myself with facility

I will rown upon arded with disht of the hours devoted to it, but which, I suppose, must have tended to make me what I have been As a boy, even as a child, I was thrownof my school-days, how it came to pass that other boys would not play with me I was therefore alone, and had to form my plays within myself

Play of some kind was necessary to me then, as it has always been

Study was notall idle Thus it ca about with some castle in the air firmly built within my mind Nor were these efforts in architecture spase frohtly, fro myself down to certain laws, to certain proportions, and proprieties, and unities Nothing i which, from outward circumstances, would seem to be violently improbable

I myself was of courseBut I never becaht and personal appearance were fixed could I be an Antinous, or six feet high I never was a learned man, nor even a philosopher But I was a very clever person, and beautiful young women used to be fond of me And I strove to be kind of heart, and open of hand, and noble in thought, despising ether I was a verysince This had been the occupation of my life for six or seven years before I went to the Post Office, and was by no ine, hardly be a erous mental practice; but I have often doubted whether, had it not been my practice, I should ever have written a novel I learned in this way to maintain an interest in a fictitious story, to dwell on a work created by ether outside the world of my own material life In after years I have done the same,--with this difference, that I have discarded the hero of my early dreams, and have been able to lay e that the first seven years of my official life were neither creditable to myself nor useful to the public service These seven years were passed in London, and during this period ofat the office punctually at 10 AM I think I co in my possession a watch which was always ten minutes late I know that I very soon achieved a character for irregularity, and caarded as a black sheep by ood public servants From time to time rumours reached me that if I did not take care I should be dish ,--who, as I write this, is still living, and ith tears in her eyes, besoughtthe life of Sir Francis Freeling, who died,--still in harness,--a little more than twelve months after I joined the office And yet the oldto me with his own handwas followed at the Post Office by Colonel Maberly, who certainly was not my friend I do not know that I deserved to find a friend in ment would not have forone by, and I can write now, and aler; but I can reuish when I was treated as though I were unfit for any useful work I did struggle--not to do the work, for there was nothing which was not easy without any struggling--but to show that I illing to do it

My bad character nevertheless stuck to ot rid of by any efforts within ular

It was not considered to be much in my favour that I could write letters--which was mainly the work of our office--rapidly, correctly, and to the purpose The man who came at ten, and as always still at his desk at half-past four, was preferred before ht be less efficient Such preference was no doubt proper; but, with a little encourageot credit for nothing, and was reckless

As it was, the conduct of so-room up-stairs, devoted to the use of some one of our nuht

Hither one or two of us would adjourn after lunch, and play _ecarte_ for an hour or two I do not knohether such ways are possible now in our public offices And here we used to have suppers and card-parties at night--great sy of tobacco; for in our part of the building there lived a whole bevy of clerks These were gentlen mails I do not reme-clerks; but there was supposed to be son letters, which required that the men who handled them should have minds undistracted by the outer world

Their salaries, too, were higher than those of their s Consequently there was a soiven to cards and to tobacco, who drank spirits and water in preference to tea I was not one of theood deal with them

I do not know that I should interestmuch of my Post Office experiences in those days I was always on the eve of being disood a public servant I could becoivenway On one occasion, in the perfor bank-notes on the secretary's table,--which letter I had duly opened, as it was not marked private The letter was seen by the Colonel, but had not been one In the ain in the performance of some duty When the letter was missed I was sent for, and there I found the Colonel much moved about his letter, and a certain chief clerk, ith a long face, was estions as to the probable fate of theto rily, ”and, by G----! there has been nobody in the room but you and I” As he spoke, he thundered his fist down upon the table

”Then,” said I, ”by G----! you have taken it” And I also thundered my fist down;--but, accidentally, not upon the table There was there a standing movable desk, at which, I presume, it was the Colonel's habit to write, and on this e bottle full of ink My fist unfortunately ca the Colonel's face and shi+rt-front Then it was a sight to see that senior clerk, as he seized a quire of blotting-paper, and rushed to the aid of his superior officer, striving to ony, hit right out through the blotting-paper at that senior clerk's unoffending stomach At that moment there came in the Colonel's private secretary, with the letter and the o back to h I do not know that it didwoman down in the country had taken it into her head that she would like towoman she must have been to entertain such a wish I need not tell that part of the storyman in such a position was ever much less to blame than I had been in this The invitation had coive it a decided negative; but I had left the house within half an hour, going aithout my dinner, and had never returned to it Then there was a correspondence,--if that can be called a correspondence in which all the letters came from one side At last the mother appeared at the Post Office My hair alure of the wo rooe basket on her arer had vainly endeavoured to persuade her to re up the centre of the room, addressedto hter?” We have all had our worst h it, however, and did not ainst me in the office

And then a certain other phase of e As I shall explain just now, I rarely at this time had any s a certain tailor had taken from me an acceptance for, I think, 12, which found its way into the hands of a money-lender With that h Square, I for but a most intimate acquaintance In cash I once received froinal arew monstrously under repeated renewals, I paid ulti over 200 That is so co; but the peculiarity of this man was that he became so attached toperiod he found it to be worth his while to walk up those stone steps daily, and co to me always the same words: ”Noish you would be punctual If you only would be punctual, I should like you to have anything you want” He was a little, clean, old h starched white cravat, inside which he had a habit of twisting his chin as he uttered his caution When I remember the constant persistency of his visits, I cannot but feel that he was paid very badly for his time and trouble Those visits were very terrible, and can have hardly been of service to me in the office

Of one other misfortune which happened to me in those days I must tell the tale A junior clerk in the secretary's office was always told off to sleep upon the preenius of the establishment when the otherOn an occasion when I was still little more than a lad,--perhaps one-and-twenty years old,--I was filling this responsible position At about seven in the evening as brought to me that the Queen of,--I think Saxony, but I aht mails sent out At this time, when there were ust visitors would soenerally made beforehand, and some pundit of the office would be at hand to do the honours On this occasion ere taken by surprise, and there was no pundit I therefore gave the orders, and acco backwards, as I conceived to be proper, and often in great peril as I did so, up and down the stairs I was, however, quite satisfied withan unaccustoentlemen with her Majesty, who, no doubt, were German barons, and an ancient baroness also They had cohts, took their departure in two glass coaches As they were preparing to go, I saw the two barons consulting together in deep whispers, and then as the result of that conversation one of them handed me half-a-crown! That also was a badto live a jolly life upon 90 per annum I remained seven years in the General Post Office, and when I left itthe whole of this time I was hopelessly in debt There were two intervals, aether to nearly two years, in which I lived with my mother, and therefore lived in comfort,--but even then I was overwhelmed with debt She paid much for me,--paid all that I asked her to pay, and all that she could find out that I owed But who in such a condition ever tells all and makes a clean breast of it? The debts, of course, were not large, but I cannot think no I could have lived, and sometimes have enjoyed life, with such a burden of duns as I endured Sheriff's officers with uncanny docu, were common attendants on h I think I ice a prisoner In such e back at it, I have to ask ood in it; but was there fair ground for expecting good from me? When I reached London no iven to s, and then had to dispose of ed to no club, and knew very few friends ould receivehours of the evening in reading good books and drinking tea

A lad brought up by strict parents, and without having had even a view of gayer things, ht perhaps do so I had passed all s, but had never enjoyed theiven me

There was no house in which I could habitually see a lady's face and hear a lady's voice No allurement to decent respectability came in my way It seems to me that in such circumstances the temptations of loose life will al eneral stuff knitted together of sufficiently stern material, the temptations will not prevail But such minds and such material are, I think, uncommon The temptation at any rate prevailed withturned loose into London after the same fashi+on Mine was, I think, of all phases of such life the erous The lad who is sent towhich he is kept froht in his boyhood to anticipate pleasure He looks for hard work and grinding circumstances I certainly had enjoyed but little pleasure, but I had been aht to expect it And I had filledofficial hours, I was entirely without control,--without the influences of any decent household aroundof the coic aspect

Turning it all over in my own edy has always been upper Could there be any escape from such dirt? I would ask myself; and I always answered that there was no escape

The mode of life was itself wretched I hated the office I hated my work More than all I hated my idleness I had often told myself since I left school that the only career in life within my reach was that of an author, and the only mode of authorshi+p open to me that of a writer of novels In the journal which I read and destroyed a few years since, I found the ued out before I had been in the Post Office two years Parliao to the Bar In official life, such as that to which I had been introduced, there did not see for real success Pens and paper I could corasp The drama, too, which I would fain have chosen, I believed to be aboveI had not sufficient erudition But I thought it possible that I ht write a novel I had resolved very early that in that shape must the attempt be made But the months and years ran on, and no attehts of atterace of postponing it What reader will not understand the agony of reentle,--always angeringca rid of him