Part 26 (1/1)

_A Baconian Essay_

Dec 26, 1891

That was a Wittie Invective ny_ upon the _Antipodean_, Who said they must be Thieves that pulled on their breeches when Honest Folk were scarce abed So is it Obnoxious to them that purvey _Christmas Numbers_, _Annuals_, and the like, that they commonly write under _Sirius_ his star as it were _Capricornus_, feigning to Scate and Carol and bloar of Strawberries And all to this end, that EditorsFa in a Vessell of Refrigerated Water till he be Ingaged with hard Ice, that the _Publick_ ht of the Sentioe to Press in August But ours do postulate a _Robur Corporis_ more than ordinary (whereas 'tis but one in ten if a Novelist overtop in Physique); and besides will often fail of the effect As I _auze--

”O! Who can hold a fire in his hand By thinking on the frosty Caucasus?”

Yet sos are in kind very Casuall, which if they escape prove Excellent (as the man who by Inadvertence inherited the throne of the _Grand Turk_ with all appertayning) so that the kind is inferiour, being subject to Perill, but that which is Excellent being proved superiour, as the Blossooeth:--

”Bourgeon de Mars, enfant de Paris; Si un eschape, il en vaut dix”

--so, as I was saying (till the Mischief infected s will moulder between _St John's_ feast and _St

Stephen's_, yet, if one survive, 'tis odds he will prove Money in your Pocket Therefore I counsel that you preoccupate and tie hi a Figure in excess: for Operation shrinketh all things, as was observed by Galenus, who said to his Friend, ”I will cut off your Leg, and then you will be lesse by a Foot” Also you will do well to provide a _Pictura_ in Chroraphy For the Glaziers like it, and no har it out of a little Child and a Puppy-dog, or else a Mother, or some such trivial Accompaniment But Phryne marrs all It was even rashly done of that Editor who issued a Coloured Plate, calling it ”_Phryne Behind the Areopagus_”: for though nothing was Seen, the pillars and Grecian elders intervening, yet 'twas Felt a great pity And the Fellow ran for it, saying flimsily:--

”Populus me sibilat At mihi plaudo”

Whereas I rather praise the dictum of that other writer, who said, ”In this house I had sooner be turned over on the Drawing-roo to reflect on the wine, but the Hostess took it for a compliment

But to speak of the Letter Press For the Sea you will use Clark Russell; for the East, Rudyard Kipling; for _Blood_, Haggard; for neat pastorall Subjects, Thomas Hardy, so he be within Bounds I mislike his ”noble Dames” Barrie has a prettier witt; but Besant will keep in all weathers, and serve as right _Pemmican_ As for conundruood in crackers; which we pull, not as uess to cover the Shame of our Employment Yet for Conundrums, if you hold the Answers till your next issue they Raise the Wind aiven Hostages to _Little Folks_: he will hardly redeeius, that had twelve Sons and Daughters, used to note ruefully that he ht never escape but by purchase of a _dozen Annuals_, citing this to prove how greatly Tastes will diverge aeniture So will Printed Matter multiply faster than our Parents Yet 'tis discutable that this phrensy of _Annuals_ groweth staler by Recurrence As that Helvetian lamented, whose Cuckoo-clock failed of a ready Purchaser, and he had to live with it ”_What Again?_” said he, and ”_Surely Spring is not come yet, dash it?_” Also I cannot stomach that our Authors portend a Severity of Weather unseasonable in these Muggy Latitudes I will eat my Hat if for these twenty Christmasses I have made six Slides worthy the Mention Yet I know an Author that had his _Hero and Heroine_ consent together very prettily; but 'twas in a _Thaw_, and the Editor being stout, the match was broken off unblessedly, till a Pact was made that it should indeed be a Thaw, but sufficient only to let the Heroine drop through the Ice and be Rescewed

Without _Ghosts_, iddle thumbs