Part 20 (1/2)

Fenlon himself hauls Zoya free from the floorless navigator's seat. His way of congratulating her on surviving is to slap her on the back so hard she stumbles and would fall if Yeldon weren't there to catch her in a pretty hearty hug.

I start shaking. Delayed reaction, I guess. Someone hands me a towel. It's soon black with the Slick I've scrubbed from my face and hands.

I've long since scrubbed Steen from my lips. Reef's not so easy to slough off. He's busy with some Scrutiner business the day of the near-disastrous air-duel over Sea-Ways. Increasingly we get glitches with Aura connections a” the Mora.s.s effect? a” but he still finds time to message me.

rain, how are you today?

rain, i miss you rain, are you avoiding me?

Avoiding him? Absolutely.

Other people are counting the days a” not many now a” till the Eclipse. I'm counting off each day I don't have to face Reef. Everything's so crazy I get away with it for ages until, trudging down a school corridor after another night in the sky, I quite literally b.u.mp into him.

*Rain! Finally! I've been looking for you.'

What have I done now?

*Here, come into this cla.s.sroom. We need to talk.' He shuts the door behind us. *I've just been sending updates to Aura. People in Corona are really sitting up and taking notice of the squadron. They're so impressed with the Storms' successes defending Sea-Ways that they're going to include one of the planes in the big Festival of Light parade in the capital. Guess what else the updates said . . . ?'

Bang bang bang a” my heartbeat is loud but my voice is small. *I'm in trouble because Steen escaped?'

*Forget Steen. With any luck he'll have been killed or injured trying to get back to his own lines, or he'll fall in some forest rift and get eaten by trees. I'm glad he's gone a” I was sick of babysitting him. These updates were about you.'

*Am I in trouble about something else?'

Reef laughs. *Relax! Trust me, all the reports were positive. Why wouldn't they be? You're an amazing pilot, a good team-player and a loyal citizen. Obviously there were observations I withheld from the reports . . .' I cringe. Here it comes a” the denunciation. *. . . like how your eyes light up when you smile a” which you don't do half often enough. How you twirl that bit of hair over your ear when you're thinking. How you stretch when you get out of your Storm, as if you're bridging the gap between sky and ground.'

How does he do that? Make my heart stop beating by saying something so sincere?

He looks straight into my eyes and I feel silvery threads drawing us close. I wish I could trust him. Wish I could waft off to the forest with him to sink into summer among the trees, with dawn cobwebs, heavy flowers, fat green leaves and the s.h.i.+ver of lace-wing insects . . .

He pulls me closer. I feel all his body along the length of mine. I put my hands on his chest as if to push him away, even though I'd far rather trust the instinct to let him wind himself around me, like two thorn-vine shoots twisting together.

*You can't do this . . .' I whisper.

*I know.' His voice is hoa.r.s.e.

*You're a Scrutiner . . .'

*Do you think I ever forget it?' His eyes darken. *I sacrificed a lot to do this job. I've always done the right thing, even when . . . even when the right thing seemed horribly wrong.'

He won't look at me now.

*Your parents?' I ask quietly.

*You know?'

*A bit. Not the whole story.'

He straightens up and smooths his uniform. Now his voice his hard. *I only did what was right. They were Lim-born. They believed in witches a” wors.h.i.+pped them even. They went out in the woods for days and nights, dancing, drinking, whatever people do in the forest, leaving me alone with only Aura to keep me company. They'd bring back branches full of leaves to put in the house, garlands of blossom and fans of corvil feathers. They sang songs of . . . I don't want to remember. Then one day Aura asked where they'd gone. I told the truth. I never saw my parents again.'

*Do you feel guilty?'

*What do you think? How can I not!' He folds his arms around his body and stares at an invisible spot on the wall. *But I was only a kid, doing what everyone said was my duty. They praised me for it. Took me away for training. Taught me how to spot signs of superst.i.tious thinking. Aura's laboratories were my home. I told you already I knew your Uncle Mentira. It was his idea to send me to the Mora.s.s as part of the normalisation team. He said it would do me good to control the place that had made my parents so wild . . .'

*And did it?' I can't forget the way he so casually shot the wolf watching me on the edge of the forest rift . . . or how he couldn't bring himself to kill the wolf prowling around the Biopolis airbase.

He shakes his head. *Yes . . . and no. It grows on you, the forest. Literally, these days.' He stops to pull up a small seedling that's dared to root in the wall of the cla.s.sroom and twirls it between his fingers. *Sorry, this must all sound pretty bad to you. I just wanted to explain, and there hasn't been a chance.'

I like his honesty . . . if that's what it is. His eyes search mine now, looking for acceptance, or accusation, or something else only Scrutiners know about . . .

I can't look away.

*Thank you for listening,' he murmurs. *It's a tough secret to keep.'

*I won't tell anyone.'

*I know. And I want you to know you can talk to me in confidence any time you need.'

*Because you're a Scrutiner?'

*Because I want us to be friends, Rain. More than friends, whether that's right or wrong.'

*But you always do what's right. Like at the bridge a” you followed Aura's orders to save the Slick when you wanted to save the evacuees.'

Reef stares at me. *You don't pull your punches, do you? Just between us, maybe I was wrong at the bridge. My motto has long been don't step off the path, but here I am starting to think that sometimes you have to get lost to find yourself. Like now.'

He leans in and dips his head to do a wonderful, terrible thing.

He kisses me.

How sweet it is, oh G.o.d, how utterly wanted his lips are. This is so different from the clinch with Steen, as different as light from dark. I could drink kisses like this for ever and still not have enough. I love it. I love him.

And every moment of the kiss adds to a private agony as I get a clearer, stronger vision of his death.

His breath quickens. His arms tighten. I'm trembling a”no, shaking a” no, shattering to pieces in my desperation to get away. I tear myself from him, feeling every rip in the intimacy as a physical pain.

*Rain . . . ? What's the matter? What did I do?'

I'm choked. Can't speak. Can't find the words to describe the horrific inner sight of a hand slicing a cold blade right across Reef's warm throat.

I'm already backed to the far end of the corridor when I hear Cousin Zoya asking Reef, *Was that Pip? I need to speak to her. Where's she going?'

*Let me go,' I tell Reef. *Leave me alone!'

That goes for Zoya too. Whatever she's got to say it'll have to wait. She's been hovering at my shoulder for a couple of days now, looking like she's about to speak, then saying, *Nope, nothing's up.'

Where to run to now? Where to hide? The canteen is buzzing with people, though it doesn't stink of herbs and Haze as usual. The hangar is full of tired techs patching up Storms. In the crew-room there's no peace either. Since no one wants to think about the upcoming Eclipse, it's all talk of the siege, of supplies running low, of what we'll do if the worst happens and the Crux break through.

*We'll keep fighting in the streets,' Lida is saying. *We'll make them pay for every city block they steal from us. We'll die rather than surrender or convert to their yash religion.'