Part 9 (1/2)
Well, we didn't stay down much longer. Faith had stepped out of the long winder behind us and wuz lookin' off onto the glorified river durin' this _contrary temps_, and as I glanced out of the winder to look for her I see the huge form of Mr. Pomper hoverin' in the foreground, and I sez to Josiah, ”I think it is time to retire and go to bed.”
And Faith bein' ready to go, we ascended to our rooms. As we pa.s.sed one of the landin' places on the staircase where some chairs wuz placed, I see the ancient dame settin' and sarahuptishously rubbin'
her ankle jints. She straightened up and looked kinder coquetishly at my pardner, but he swep' by her as if she wuz so much dirt under his feet. Truly he seemed to be carryin' out his plan of ignorin' my sect and pa.s.sin' 'em by scornfully. I may see trouble with that sperit in him yet.
The next mornin' Josiah wanted Faith and I to go out with him fis.h.i.+n'
and have a fish dinner, a sort of a picnic, on some island on the fis.h.i.+n' grounds. That's quite a fas.h.i.+onable entertainment. They fish till they git real hungry I spoze, and then the boatman puts into some sheltered cove, and the party goes on sh.o.r.e, builds a fire and cooks some of the fish they have got, and make coffee, and with the nice lunch they took from the hotel, they have a splendid dinner I spoze, and take sights of comfort.
Why lots of folks there would go out day after day early in the morning, and stay until night, and then would walk proudly in with a long string of fish, and would lay 'em on the desk in the office, and a admirin' crowd would gather round to look at 'em and wonder how much they weighed. Why wimmen and children would catch fish so big that it is a wonder they could draw 'em into the boat, and I spoze they did have help from the stronger sect (stronger arms I mean). And besides the fish I spoze they ketch happiness and health.
Well, Josiah wuz rampant to go. He said he wanted to surprise the crowd in the hotel and the hull of Well's Island with the fish he would git, and then I spoze the idee of the dinner wuz drawin' him onward. I brung up several arguments, such as the danger, fatigue, etc., but he stood firm. But I had one weepon left that seldom failed, and as a last resort I drawed that weepon, and he fell woonded to once. Sez I, ”Do you have any idee, Josiah Allen, how much it is goin'
to cost you?”
His linement fell. He hadn't thought on't. I see him silently draw a boatman into a corner and interview him, and I hearn no more about a fis.h.i.+n' picnic.
The very evenin' after this, Fate and Mr. Pomper gin me a chance to carry out the plan I'd laid out heretofore. Josiah had stepped over to the post office, and Faith had walked over with him at my request, for she had a headache, and I told him to walk down to the wharf with her and see if the cool air wouldn't do her good. So she had put a black lace scarf over her pretty golden hair and went off with him.
Well, there wuz big doin's at the Tabernacle that night, and it wuz a off night for music, and I found the parlor nearly deserted when I walked in and sot down in my accustomed easy chair. And no sooner had I sot down seemin'ly than Mr. Pomper's ma.s.sive form emerged onto the seen, and he drawed up a chair and sot down by my side.
Agreably to the plans I had laid down in my mind, I did not object to the move. But though a picture of calmness on the outside, inwardly I wuz callin' almost wildly on my powers of memory, tryin' to think jest what Malviny had done, one of the immortal Children of the Abbey, when Lord Mortimer approached her with his onlawful suit, and I tried also to recall what the Mountain Mourner had done in like circ.u.mstances, but before I had half done interviewin' them heroines in sperit my mind wuz recalled into the onwelcome present by Mr. Pomper's voice in my left ear:
”I asked you, Josiah Allen's wife,” sez he, ”to listen to me, for I felt that you wuz the most proper person for me to state my feelings to. Since you and your party have entered this house,” sez he, ”I have had a great conflict goin' on between my mind and my heart.”
”Ah indeed! have you?” sez I, liftin' my nose at a angle of from forty to fifty degrees.
”Yes,” sez he, ”I have had a great struggle between my heart and my common sense, and in the battle that ensued, Common Sense and Reason has had to retire into the background, and Heart has triumphed.”
”It is a great pity!” sez I, ”Common Sense and Reason had much better come out ahead,” and agin I lifted my nose to its extremest limit, and looked swords and prunin' knives at him.
”That is just what most folks would say, I am aware, but listen to my story before you judge. I must reveal to you the state of my heart and affections!”
How sure it is that when a kag is tapped the contents will run out no matter whether it is wine or water. At them bold words accompanied by the ardent rollin' of that lone orb, my well-laid plans all left my mind, nothin' wuz left but pure principle and devotion and loyalty to my pardner. The full kag emptied its contents over his nefarious purposes, and I bust out almost onbeknown to me and sez:
”It is no use; it is vain, it is worse than vain! it is wicked!”
”What,” sez he, ”is she engaged to another?”
”Who?” sez I, turnin' like lightnin' and facin' him.
”Why, Miss Smith, your niece or grand-child who is with you. That beauchious creature!” sez he.
”Faithful Smith!” sez I faintly, ”is she the one you are talkin'
about?”
”Yes,” sez he, ”your grand-daughter, is she not?”
”My grand-daughter!” sez I in deep contempt, ”she is my own cousin on my own side.”