Part 28 (1/2)
”It's quiet enough now.”
”It isn't. It's full of noises. Loud, thundering noises going on and on.
Awful noises.... You know what it is? It's the guns in France. I can hear them all the time.”
”No, Colin. That isn't what you hear. We're much too far off. n.o.body could hear them.”
”_I_ can.”
”I don't think so.”
”Do you mean it's noises in my head?”
”Yes. They'll go away when you're stronger.”
”I shall never be strong again.”
”Oh yes, you will be. You're better already.”
”If I get better they'll send me out again.”
”Never. Never again.”
”I ought to be out. I oughtn't to be sticking here doing nothing....
Anne, you don't think Queenie'll come over, do you?”
”No, I don't. She's got much too much to do out there.”
”You know, that's what I'm afraid of, more than anything, Queenie's coming. She'll tell me I funked. She thinks I funked. She thinks that's what's the matter with me.”
”She doesn't. She knows it's your body, not you. Your nerves are shaken to bits, that's all.”
”I didn't funk, Anne.” (He said it for the hundredth time.) ”I mean I stuck it all right. I went back after I had sh.e.l.l-shock the first time--straight back into the trenches. It was at the very end of the fighting that I got it again. Then I couldn't go back. I couldn't move.”
”I know, Colin, I know.”
”Does Queenie know?”
”Of course she does. She understands perfectly. Why, she sees men with sh.e.l.l-shock every day. She knows you were splendid.”
”I wasn't. But I wasn't as bad as she thinks me. ... Don't let her see me if she comes back.”
”She won't come.”
”She will. She will. She'll get leave some day. Tell her not to come.
Tell her she can't see me. Say I'm off my head. Any old lie that'll stop her.”
”Don't think about her.”