Part 56 (1/2)
1 I have not that mental discipline, or that command of my oers, which is one of the rasp a subject at once, and view it in all its bearings
2 I have not that self-knowledge which is another sure result of proper study I do not knohat I am capable of, nor what I am particularly fitted for, nor what I a into my own mind, and yet never find out what is there
3d I have no principle of arrangeht unite all e Oh, how different if I had had one definite object which, like the lens, should concentrate all the scattered rays to one focus I es to-day; it applies to me exactly: ”I have neverpassion for literature as I have always had A thousand others have pursued it with more principle, reason, method, fixed purpose, and effect; ulated love”
4th I have lost the power of thinking for ood, has been so washed away by the floods of trash which have been poured into it, that now it scarcely serves ht to be in the full maturity of its powers And much reason have I to hope that with such an instrument I shall leave an impress on other minds! How I envy the other sex! They have certain fixed paths ular professions and trades--bethich they may make a choice and knohat they have to do A friend, to whoht to convince ement, and not at all the expression of a sane hed at hiht
_Feb 25th_--Last evening we had the company of some friends who are interested in the subjects which I love ood deal of conversation about books, authors, the laws of mind and spirit, etc My enthusias fro sympathy into this or not, I can not say; but I e of mood, and, consequently, of opinion I ained their former attractions in ht and proper to pursue them (when they interfere with no positive duty) as athe mind-- even when I can not point out the precise _use_ I expect to make of such acquisition
One of ht that I was not deficient in invention, because I assigned the fact that I ainal writing Several others have labored to convince e that they can be sotried to exert it; and, as this is the lower power and iination, of course I have none of the latter faculty The only two things which look like it are inative order
_Feb 28th_-- Oh, how transporting--how infinite will be the delight when _all_ truth shall burst upon us as ONE beautiful and perfect whole--each distinct ray harether forhty flood of radiance! I can not reiven so ; I only know that I have been very happy, and wondered not a little at my late melancholy I believe itat myself (and that, too, as if I were a little,those things which have no relation to space and tiht of reat and wonderful whole It see to me a world of beauty and perfection that I have never before seen I ae, yet sweet astonishment
_Sept 24, 1837_--I have been profoundly interested in the character of Goethe, fro Mrs Austin's ”Characteristics” of him Certainly, very fewkeit, many-sidedness There was no departnorant, while in very e was accurate and profound Most uished excellence, have done so by confining the led to the choice by a strong, original bias Even when this is not the case, there is some _class_ of objects or pursuits, towards which a particular inclination is manifested; one loves facts, and devotes himself to observations and experiments; another loves principles and seeks everywhere to discover a _law_ One cherishes the Ideal, and neglects and despises the Real, while another reverses his judgment We have become so accustomed to this one-sidedness that it occasions no wonder, and is regarded as the natural state of thea mind like Goethe's equally at home in the Ideal and the Real; equally interested in the laws of poetical criticis of a new species of plants, and to the plan of a railroad or canal In short, with the most delicate sense of the Beautiful, the most accurate conception of thefor it (which alone would have sufficed to make him an Idealist) he united a fondness for observation, a love of the actual in nature, and a susceptibility to deep impressions from and interest in the objects of sense, which would have seemed to mark him out for a Realist But is not this the true stale of the ; one which should excite astonishment? Is it not one-sidedness rather than e? Is it not as much an evidence of disease as the preponderance of one element or function in the physical constitution?
_26th_--I have been thinking more about this many-sidedness of Goethe
It is by no uishes so eniuses, which inclines to the selection of uished excellence in one
It was one and the sa after unity It was this which made him seek to idealise the actual, and to actualise the Ideal The for in each outward object for the lahich governed its existence and of which its outward develop form and consistency to the creations of his own fancy Thus _the one_ was ever-present to hi the objects of one science alone, but everywhere in nature and out In all that was genuine nature he knew that it was to be found; that it was _not_ to be found in the acquired and the artificial was perhaps the reason of his aversion for them This aversion he carried so far that even acquired virtue was distasteful to hiht of such a distaste esthetically, wehis principle rather to an extreme I have just coo and I could not but s of it has been accomplished I was to divide es), and poetry The for, take the subject of perception, write out my own ideas upon it, if I had any, and then read those of other people In studying language, or rather ethnography, I intended--1 To take the Hebrew roots, trace all the derivatives and related words first in that language, then in others 2 To exa to the spiritual, with a view to discover their original picture- 3 Search for a type or symbol in nature of every spiritual fact Under the head of poetry I reat masters of epic and dramatic poetry, especially Shakspeare and Milton, and from them make out a science of criticis aboutI am, and how co excessive pride with excessive sensitiveness, the greatest ardor and passionateness of emotion with an irresolute will, a disposition to _distrust_, in so far only as the affection of others for me is concerned, with the extre else--an incapability of expressing, except occasionally as it were in gushes, any strong feeling--a tendency to melancholy, yet with a susceptibility of enjoy--subject to the es ofby kindness, but as cold and unyielding as a rock against harshness and compulsion--such are some of the peculiarities which excellently prepare me for un-happiness It is true that soether I pursue ular routine of studies and employments, half mechanically--or when completely under the influence of the outward, I live for a ti One of the s I ever know is the sense of an unappeasable craving for sympathy and appreciation--the desire to be understood and loved, united with the conviction that this desire can never be gratified I feel _alone_, different from all others and of courseI have_worse_ than all others, and utterly destitute of anything excellent or beautiful Oh! what mysteries are wrapped up in the mind and heart of ht of another world shall be let in upon these impenetrable recesses!
BOSTON, _Jan 7, 1839_--I came here on the last day of the last year, and have since then been very much occupied in different ways
Yesterday, I heard President Hopkins all day, and in the evening, a lecture from Dr Follen on Pantheism The most abstract of all pantheistic systeht in the Vedas and Vedashta, and also at _first_ by Schelling, viz, that the _absolute_ is the first principle of all things; and this absolute is not to be conceived of as possessing any attribute at all--not even that of existence A system a little less abstract is that of the Eleatics, who believed in the absolute as existing Then that of Giordano Bruno, who made _soul_ and _matter_ the formative principle and the principal recipient of forces--to be the ground of the universe
Then Spinoza, who postulated _thought_ as the representative of the spiritual, and _extension_ as that of the inaux_ Fro, Fichte, and Hegel--and the material pantheists
_Wednesday, April 10th_--To-o to Andover Have been indescribably hurried of late Have finished Claudius--a Pro Seneca's Medea and Southey's Life of Cowper
ANDOVER, _May 13th_--Dr Woods was re to-day at dinner on the influence of _hope_ in sustaining under the severest sufferings It recalled a thought which occurred to arded as an exa determination and unconquerable fortitude he is not equal to Milton's Satan For he has before him not only the _hope_, but the _certainty_ of ultimate deliverance, whereas Satan bears himself up, by the mere force of his will, unsustained by hope, ”which comes to all,” but not to him
_15th_--It has just occurred to me that the doctrine of the soul's mortality seems to have _no_ point of contact with hureeable to s, or in the nature of thelooks in an opposite direction
How is it _possible_ to help seeing that the soul is not here in its proper element, in its native air? How is it possible to escape the conviction that all its unsatisfied yearnings, its baffled ai_, clearly perceived to exist, but to be here unattainable--that all these things point to _another_ life, the _only_ true life of the soul? There is such a manifest disproportion between all objects of earthly attainment and the capacities of the spirit, that, unless man is immortal, he is vastly more to be pitied than the ht as I alking thisin a puddle of water I could hardly help envying him when I considered that _his_ condition was suited to his nature, and that he has no wants which are not supplied
_June 17th_--I a I reree of sympathy he finds in others the measure of his interest in them and attention to them Goethe looked at all as specimens of human nature, and, therefore, all worthy of study But, after all, this way of looking at others seems to be more suited to the _artist_ than to the man; and I can not conceive of any but a very passionless and immobile person who could do it Does all nature furnish one type of the soul? If so, it , unsounded ocean
Shall it ever _rest? Rest?_ What an infinite, mournful sweetness in the word! How perfectly sure I feel thatof earth; if I find peace, it ar proverb, ”It never rains but it pours,” is fully illustrated in iven half the world for a new book; yesterday and today have overflooded me Mr Hubbard has sent me Prof Park's ”German Selections,” Pliny, Heeren's Ancient Greece, two voluazines; Mr Judd has sent --all of thesewe spent upon the Co a beautiful exhibition of fireworks ThisI have been to Union wharf to see the departure of some missionaries For a few minutes, time seemed a speck and eternity near--but how transient withmyself too much of late in a sort of senties, the depths of the soul, the fluctuations of passion and feeling--these are the subjects which attractat Richard H
Dana's _He_ does not separate his intellectual and sentimental tastes from his moral convictions as I do--I mean that neither in books nor men does he find pleasure unless they are such as his conscience approves
_Tuesday, 9th_--Have visited the Allston gallery and seen Rosalie for the last ti ho at parting froallery before others--but, no ot the presence of everybody else and sat for an hour before Rosalie withoutI took leave of the other pictures mentally, for I could not look Farewell, sweet Beatrice, lovely Inez, beautiful Ursulina--dear, dear Rosalie, farewell!
_Monday, 15th_--Yesterday I was happy; to-day I am not exactly unhappy, but ation to write so, in order to contribute toward the support of the family--and yet, I can not write Mother wants me to write children's books; Lizzy wants me to write a book of Natural Philosophy for schools