Part 39 (1/2)

Letters

The trouble which had so long weighed upon her heart, crossed with her the threshold of 1873, but long before the close of the year it had in large , however, always leaves its marks behind; and when coers on after its main cause has been reain conscious of that constant spiritual delight which she had once enjoyed But if less full of sunshi+ne, her religious life was all the ti itselffaster heavenward

Its sympathies also beca

Her whole being, indeed, seeht and sweetness froh Even when most tried and tempted, as has been said, she had kept her trouble to herself; few of her most intimate friends knew of its existence; to the world she appeared a little ht as ever But now, at length, the old vivacity and playfulness and loith fresher,cousin, asabout from place to place, she says:

I shall feel more free to write often, if you can tell me that the postmaster at C forwards your letters froht to do It is very silly inthree cents for one of my love-letters, but it's a Payson trait, and I can't help it, though I should be provoked enough if you _did_a dollar apiece for them There's consistency for you! Well, I know, and I'et very few letters froh to drown a small army--and sometimes when you're homesick, and cousin-Lizzy-sick, and friend-sick, I shall come to you, done up in a sheet of paper, and set you all in a breeze

Her letters during the first half of this year were few, and relate chiefly to those aspects of the Christian life hich her own experience was stillher so familiar ”God's plan with most of us,” she wrote to Mrs Hu us this way and that, now giving, now taking; but always at work for and in us Alh some peculiar discipline I fancy there is no period in our history e do not _need_ and _get_ the sharp rod of correction The thing is to grow strong under it, and yet to walk softly” ”I do not care how e and purify els to beckon us nearer to Hi to some other soul, or souls, in the future I can't think suffering is ments of bread created reat interest the teaching of Scripture concerning the baptism of the Holy Ghost The work of the Spirit had not before specially occupied her thoughts In her earlier writings she had laid but little stress upon it--not because she doubted its reality or its necessity, but because herHeavenward is full of God and of Christ, but there is in it little express mention of the Spirit and His peculiar office in the life of faith When this fact was brought to her notice she herself appeared to be surprised at it, and would gladly have supplied the omission To be sure, there is no mention at all of the Holy Spirit in several of the Epistles of the New Testaress, like Stepping Heavenward, would, certainly, have been rendered more complete and attractive by fuller reference to the Blessed Co Friend, New York, Jan 8, 1873_

I feel very sorry for you that you are under temptation I have been led, for some time, to pray specially for the tereater sufferers than those afflicted in any other way For, in proportion to our love to Christ, will be the agony of terror lest we should sin and fall, and so grieve and weary Hi language, but not too strong, to my mind I can only say, suffer, but do not yield Sometimes I think that silent, suble It is sweet to be in the sunshi+ne of the Master's smile, but I believe our souls need winter as well as suht as well as day Perhaps not to the end; I have not come to that yet, and so do not know; I speak frooes Teood side to it: it keeps us _doe are asha to boast of I told you, you will perhaps re to enter the valley of hu, but I trust we are only taking it in our way to the land of Beulah And hoe ”pant to be there”! What a curious friendshi+p ours has been! and it is one that can never sever--unless, indeed, we fall away from Christ, which may He in mercy forbid! I do pray for you twice every day, and hope you pray forso to know the truth and to enter into it Certainly I have got so the last year, in the midst offriend she writes a few days later:

I re for holiness, but ered at some of the conditions for it I had no conception,to become

But I wish I could make you a birth-day present of my experience since then, and you could have Hi, as I had to learn Him, in much tribulation

_To Mrs Condict, Jan 15, 1873_

I have been , for some days, to write you about the Professorshi+p [1] It is a new one, and is called ”the Skinner and McAlpine” chair, and Mr Prentiss says there could not be a reeable field of usefulness It is most likely that he will feel it to be his duty to accept As to myself, I am about apathetic on the subject My will has been broken over the Master's knee, if I , that I look with indifference on such outward changes We can beto be burnt alive, if need be For four or five years to coed to leave the church I love so dearly; if the Seminary is moved out to Harlem, it will be different; but it is not worth while to think of that now

It see very strong, a change like this may be salutary _February 3d_--You will be sorry to hear that dear Mrs C is quite sick Her daughters are all worn out with the care of her I was there all day Saturday, but I can do nothing in the way of night watching; nor much at any time A very little over-exertion knocks me up this winter It is just as much as I can do to keep my head above water Sometimes I think that the _dreadful_ experience I have been passing through is God's way of baptizingCertainly He has been sitting as the Refiner, bringing downme a foot to stand on If it all ends in sanctification I don't care what I suffer Though cast down, I aement to hear Mahan co time [2] It is just so with me Every chair and table, every broom and brush is out of place, topsy-turvy But I can't believe God has been wasting the last two years one way Dr and Mrs Abbot spent Sunday and Monday with us a week ago, and I read to them Dr Steele's three tracts and lent them Mahan

They were much interested, but I do not kno much struck I can not smile, as some do, at Dr Steele's testimony I believe in it fully and heartily If I do not knohat it is to ”find God real,” I do not know anything Never was er than it is now

_Feb 13th_--I spent part of yesterday in reading Stepping Heavenward!

You will think that very strange till I add that it was in German; and, as the translator has all my books, I wanted to knohether she had done this work satisfactorily before authorising her to proceed with the rest She has oment than a translation; otherwise it is well done But she has so purged it of vivacity, that I am afraid it will plod on leaden feet, if it plods at all, heavenward And now IFriend, April 4, 1873_

I want to correct any mistaken impression I have made on you in conversation The utht intellectually, or theologically, on the subject of the working of the Spirit In the sense in which I use the words ”baptism of the Holy Ghost,” I certainly do not consider that I have received it I think it means _perfect consecration_ Thus far, no matter what people profess, I have never come into close contact with any life that I did not find more or less is fallible, and _very fallible_ The best I can say of myself is, that I see the need of _immense_ advances in the divine life I find it hard to be patient withevento please Hi And if I have talked less to you on these sacred subjects this winter, it has been partly owing toless of you, and an impalpable but real barrier between us which I have not kno to account for, but whichpeople usually have their ups and downs and fluctuations of feeling before they settle down on to fixed _principles_, paying no regard to feeling, and older Christians should bear with them, make allowance for this, and never obtrude their own views or experiences I think you will coht hard for you, and perhaps for a tiet the upper hand; but I believe the Lord and Master will prevail Perhaps we are never dearer to Hi drooping and broken at our side, and we have to make our weary way on foot

I am always thankful to have my heart stirred and warlad to see any signs of the presence of the Holy Spirit at work in a human soul But never force yourself to write or talk of spiritual things; try rather to get so full of Christ that mention of Him shall be natural and spontaneous

_To the Sa the sermon of Dr Hopkins on prayer you sent me It sounds just like hie) would have treated the subject just as logically and far more practically; still, under the circumstances, that was not desirable

As to myself, I would rather have the si wo_” on God, than all the theological discussions in the world The subject, as you know, is one of deep interest to me

I have not answered your letter, because I was not quite sure what it was best to say During the winter I was not sure what had coht it best to let time show; and I have been harassed and perplexed by certain anxieties, hich it did not seeiven me a preoccupied manner

There have been points where I wanted a divine illuet I wanted to hear, ”This is the alk in it”; but that word has not co in that one line, keeping me, necessarily, out of sympathy with everybody

As far as this has been a fault, it has reacted upon you, to whoht to have been htsto take a step onward, and to know that while still young, and with the temptations of youth about you, you have set your face heavenward Your teh the affections ”Only God can satisfy a woman”; and yet we try, every now and then, to see if we can't find soreat pity we can not always realise it I never deliberately make this attempt now, but am still liable to fall into the temptation I am _sure_ that I can never be really happy and at rest out of or far fro new and ware fro conviction that I must learn to say, ”None but Christ”

Now, dear ----, it is a dreadful thing to be cold towards our best Friend'; a calah Satan; a sin and folly if it is the result of any fault or oe fro Him all about it We can not force ourselves to love Hiive_ us the love, and sooner or later He _will_ He radually and iiven you one friend at least who prays for your spiritual advance every day I hope you pray thus for me Friendshi+p that does not do that is not worth the name _April 17th_--Of course, I'll take the will for the deed and consider e blossoms,”

like a babe in the wood And it is equally of course that I wasmy lovely auburn locks, and wore a veil in point lace twenty feet long

I have had several titles given ht I was shown a letter in which (I hope it is not wicked to quote it in such a connexion) I adom” Can you cap this climax?