Part 19 (1/2)
I jumped away from Jared like I'd been splattered with hot oil, and turned toward my best friend, my eyes shock-wide.
Dressed in a terry-cloth robe, her red hair still dry, Alison stared at us, her mouth curled cruelly. ”Oh, isn't this just great? In my own room, no less! And yeah, Nic, sure you came to see me.”
”I did!” I said, leaping toward her. ”Jared and me ... well, that happened last night. Today was totally about seeing you, telling you, making sure you were okay with us going out.”
Her eyes narrowed. ”Well, I'm not okay. I'm not. Uh-uh, this is just ... too creepy.”
”That's totally unfair,” I said, so softly that I didn't even know if my words had hit the air.
”Alison,” Jared said. ”Come on ... give us a break.”
I shook my head to silence him. I was grateful that he'd tried to help. But this was between Alison and me.
He gave me a nod and disappeared.
”How do you think I feel?” she spat, yanking the belt on her terry-cloth robe so tight she looked like she was in pain. ”You've been my friend since seventh grade. Every time you've called, come over, gone to the beach house with us-everything. It's been because you want to be with me.
”Now I don't know what to believe. Will you be coming by for me or for my brother? It's like I'm not good enough for you anymore or something.”
”Nothing has to change between us,” I said lamely.
”Oh, yeah? Well, you're sure as h.e.l.l going to need another best friend if you want to gush about how cute he is. Or complain when he ignores you or forgets your birthday. Or G.o.d forbid, if you want to talk about your s.e.x life!”
Got me there.
”And then what happens if you break up?” she went on. ”And you hate his guts? So you don't come around here at all anymore? Suddenly I'm caught in the middle? Or do I get dumped, too?”
”No,” I said, emotion welling in my throat. ”No, Alison.”
”Or one of you starts cheating or plotting a split? And I'm put in the position of keeping secrets?”
She had clearly put waaay more thought into this than I had. I'd just been b.u.mbling along, letting my feelings guide me, trying to make heads or tails out of my life.
Which was where Jared had come in. Making me smile, knocking me back into the box when I got too crazy. Helping my life make sense.
Was that so bad? How often did you find someone who not only set your heart on fire, but did wonderful things with your head, too?
Her face was a thundercloud, emotions flas.h.i.+ng like lightning. Anger, sadness, hope.
”You've made really good points,” I admitted. ”Things I haven't thought through. But it seems to me that we've been through harder things, and if we try real hard ...”
Her expression went stiff. Unrelenting. Telling me I had to choose.
The thing was, there was no choice. Alison was a one-in-a-million friend. She'd stood by me through everything. The problems with my family, guys, Coach Luther. She'd believed in me. Even when I hadn't believed in myself. I couldn't turn my back on her.
Jared ... would have to wait. Or understand. Or both.
As would The Dress ... apparently destined to live for eternity in its bag behind my door.
”Okay,” I said, and shrugged.
”Okay, what?”
”Okay.” I swallowed hard. ”I won't go out with Jared.”
Her brow creased. ”You won't?”
”No.” I tried to come up with a smile but couldn't find one. I felt like I was falling into a dark, bottomless hole, spiraling further and further from the light. But Alison was falling right alongside me. Wasn't she?
”You were in my life first. You've been there when I've needed you. If it means that much to you, I won't be with him.”
She studied my face, as if searching for the truth. ”Yeah?”
”Yeah,” I managed.
”Okay. Okay, good.” She looked a little stunned, standing there for a minute or so like she didn't believe me, then mumbled, ”Uh ... I'm going to get in the shower. Then we'll go do something. Like we planned.”
She closed the bathroom door behind her.
I wilted onto her bed. Wanting to cry. To scream. To hit something.
Wanting my best friend. So I could huff and sigh and roll my eyes and tell her all about this unfair and terrible predicament. And wait for her to tell me everything I wanted to hear, like how it was going to be all right.
But that so wasn't going to happen.
I'd have to pull myself back together all by myself. I couldn't rely on Alison. And I especially couldn't count on Jared. Not after I released this newest bomb.
Like a sleepwalker, I padded through the living room, kitchen, family room, and out to the attached garage. The garage door was up, and sunlight and a light breeze filtered in across the pavement. Guysized sneakers and blue jeans stuck out from under a Camaro. (With fully intact windows, I noticed.) I waited, collecting my thoughts. And my nerve. Then, finally, ”Jared.”
His torso and head rolled into view. ”Hey. You two work things out?”
”Everything's going to be fine,” I spoke, monotone. ”As long as I don't have anything to do with you.”
”What? You didn't agree to that, did you?” He bolted up. ”That's c.r.a.p!”
I must have looked as distraught as I felt, because his face suddenly softened, and he moved toward me. I buried my head in his shoulder and for the second time in less than two weeks I spurted waterworks at him. Tears blinded my eyes and choked my throat.
His arms came around me. Strong, protective, caring. Feeling so good, I didn't even care how lame I seemed.
”Aw, come on, Nic. Don't give up.”
Tears sliding down my cheeks, I let out a sob.
”Come on,” Jared said, and stroked my hair. ”It'll be okay.”
I didn't deserve him. Here I was trying to throw him away, and he was ”being there” for me. I buried my face in his chest.
Alison's voice suddenly cut through the haze that was my brain. I sniffed, wiped the tears from my eyes, dislodged myself from her brother's arms, and turned to her.