Part 19 (1/2)

Let us look into the application of this principle with reference to the more serious problems of misconduct which are liable to arise.

In general experience, the most serious troubles, or faults, which a mother has to contend with, are forgetfulness, temper, selfishness, deception, lying. Her aim is to see them supplanted by a habit of reflection, self-control, consideration for others, sincerity, truth.

She believes and feels that these latter qualities are better for the boy's own welfare, better for the people he loves, better for everybody.

She wants her boy to feel this way about it, too.

Very well, then, the first thing to be sure of is that the boy really understands the meaning of those things which you expect of him--the whys and wherefores and the good that is in them. Otherwise--if he is not sincere about it, if he must do things in which he doesn't believe--there's an element of sham about it which leads quite naturally to concealment and hypocrisy.

It is true, he may always be counted on to do a great deal for love, for mother's sake,--provided that mother has cared for that love. But that is a sacred privilege, which should not be abused. It may have the effect of setting a bad example. If she has the right to ask him to do something which he doesn't see the sense of and doesn't feel like doing, why shouldn't he have the same right to ask her to let him do things which she doesn't see the sense of and doesn't feel like letting him do?

If that is the way of love, why doesn't it apply to one, as well as the other? This may be very cunning and sweet, upon occasion; but for steady diet, it does not help the growth of moral feeling.

It is much better that he should never be required to do things which he cannot understand sufficiently to feel the right of. This all comes about quite naturally, in the course of companions.h.i.+p. There are countless opportunities for explaining and questioning, about this, that, or the other. No growing child is slow about asking innumerable questions and trying his best to understand. Preaching of any kind isn't necessary. It seldom, if ever, gets home in the best way. The same thing is true of scolding and harsh words. They are not at all necessary; and they usually do a great deal more harm than good.

Let us suppose, then, that your son has been guilty of an act of selfishness--and to make matters worse, through a feeling of shame, he has first attempted concealment and then resorted to lying.

That is a rather trying situation for mother to face. It is about as hard a nut as she will ever have to crack. In the old days, there would be no hesitation in saying that the first thing it called for was a good sound beating.

But instead of that, let us imagine that mother is brave enough to stick to her love feeling, rea.s.sures her boy, smilingly, and holds him close.

First she gives him a chance to tell all about it, in his own way, and helps him along to a confidential admission of the shameful facts.

And to make the case as extreme as possible, we will a.s.sume that there were no palliating circ.u.mstances whatever. The best that the boy can say for himself is that he just didn't stop to think--he went ahead and did it--and afterwards, he felt ashamed and didn't want anyone to know--and then, well, he tried to get out of it by lying.

_Mother (smiling, thinking):_ ”Well, well--here's a pretty kettle of fish--isn't it? What in the world are we going to do about it?”

_Boy (looking down, nervous, does not answer)._

_Mother:_ ”I suppose there's no use crying over it. The main thing is how we can find a way to keep it from happening again. Perhaps it would help, if we could find the right kind of punishment?” (No answer.) ”What kind of punishment shall it be--the fairest we can think of? Suppose you decide it for yourself. What would you suggest?”

_Boy (very nervous):_ ”I don't know.”

_Mother:_ ”How would it be if, the next time you told a lie, you and mother couldn't, either of you, go riding in the automobile for two days?”

_Boy (troubled, thinking, giving her a look):_ ”Two whole days?”

_Mother (smiling):_ ”That's a pretty big punishment but, after all, lying is a pretty bad thing, which we don't want to have happen. Suppose we start with that and agree on it--two whole days?”

_Boy (looking down, thinking, very nervous):_ ”If you couldn't go riding, either--why should you be punished?”

_Mother:_ ”Because I'm your own mother and I love you better than anything in the world. Whatever you do, can't help affecting me.

Besides, you see, in a way, I'm largely responsible for whatever you do. If I don't bring you up right--isn't it my fault? And if we both have to be punished together, that may help you to remember.”

_Boy gives her a glance, looks down, thinking--begins to smile, hesitates._

_Mother:_ ”What are you thinking? Tell me.”

_Boy:_ ”You mightn't know anything about it--if it was to the cook, or Delia, or Vincent--or somebody else?”

_Mother:_ ”That's true. It's something else for us to think about. If a boy tells a lie to anybody--because he's ashamed or afraid--that's bad enough. But afterwards, if he doesn't own up to it like a little man, but tries to conceal it from his mother, or deny it, that is ever so much worse. It deserves a much bigger punishment. Isn't that right?...