Part 5 (1/2)
”I'm not brooding!” she insisted, rubbing her arm with her other hand.
Mai reached out and poked Natsuki's brow with her forefinger. The dark haired student swatted at the offensive limb and scowled at her attacker. ”That crease there proves otherwise!”
Natsuki jutted her lower jaw forwards indignantly and let a huff out through her nose. ”I was just thinking!” she protested.
The finger that had just prodded her now wagged disapprovingly. ”Less thinking, Natsuki. More talking.”
Natsuki rolled her eyes at the other girl, but she was glad for her words. She'd managed to provoke other emotions in her than just the sadness she'd been wallowing in previously. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad talking with Mai about it after all. Still, there were some things she didn't think she'd be able to tell her. I'll have to choose my words carefully.
Perhaps sensing Natsuki's willingness changing, Mai's expression became serious and her grin faded. ”So, how is it you think you messed up?”
How could I possibly tell her about that? Natsuki pursed her lips, attempting to think of a way to get her situation across without actually giving any details. That was not going to be easy. ”I... I'm not sure. I think I did something to upset someone.”
Mai's head tilted to one side as she tried to figure out what the other girl meant. ”Upset who?”
”A... friend.”
The other girl brought a hand up to sweep some stray strands of hair out of her face. ”Well, aren't you being all specific.” Natsuki could only shoot her a guilty look. ”At least tell me what you think you've done.”
Her head dipping with the memories from earlier in the evening, Natsuki grimaced as she continued the vague explanation. ”I don't even know. I tried so hard to say and do the right things but it didn't work. I still screwed things up.”
Mai's brow furrowed at Natsuki's words. ”Does this have anything to do with earlier?”
Natsuki blinked blankly at her for a few moments before it dawned on her that she was referring to their meeting before school. ”Oh... yeah, I guess it does.”
The other girl's eyes brightened at this but Natsuki couldn't share her excitement. ”Who are you dating, Natsuki?”
The biker let out a soft sigh. ”No one.” It wasn't as if she was lying. She'd never been on a date with s.h.i.+zuru and she wasn't even sure they had any kind of relations.h.i.+p now. She had to ignore the pain in her chest at that thought.
”Oh come on, give me something to work with here!” Mai exclaimed with a hint of frustration.
Natsuki clenched her jaw before looking over at her friend. ”Let's just stick with 'friend' for now.”
The other girl waved a hand dismissively. ”Fine, fine. I'll translate as you go. Continue then!”
Throwing herself back to lounge against the sofa, her head tilted up towards the ceiling, Natsuki allowed her gaze to wander over the tiny cracks in the paint above her. ”I'm not really sure what to say. I tried to open up to... my friend and it backfired. I must have said something wrong and I don't know how to make it right again.”
There was a pause as Mai processed her words. Natsuki knew she wasn't being very helpful with what she was saying, yet her friend was still trying to help out. I should really thank her properly when all this is over. ”So what's your friend's problem?”
Natsuki flinched at the emphasised word. It didn't feel right to refer to s.h.i.+zuru as merely her friend any more. She felt like she was belittling the connection they had and ignoring all the progress they had made. But that had already happened, hadn't it? ”It's hard to say. I never know what they're thinking.” When she felt Mai's glare directed at her, she decided to elaborate further. ”Something about me pitying them.”
”Are we talking about Takeda-san?” Mai's voice rose a few octaves as she spoke.
The biker cringed at the inference. ”No!” she hastily rejected the notion. I suppose it is my fault for being so vague though.
Her friend let out a giggle. ”You said that way too fast, Natsuki.”
”Because it's wrong!” she insisted, lifting her head to look at Mai.
From the skeptical look on the other girl's face, she clearly didn't believe her. Perhaps it would have been easier to allow Mai to believe that she was talking about Takeda but she couldn't talk about s.h.i.+zuru as thought she was him. That didn't sit well with her at all. ”Did he finally wear you down?”
”Ugh, Mai, it's not Takeda,” she continued to deny it, weariness creeping into her voice.
Mai eyed her with that same skepticism. ”The pity thing... I was sure it could only be him.”
I guess I can see how she'd come to that conclusion. ”Well, it's not,” she said irritably.
Finally giving up on that idea, Mai shrugged and looked at Natsuki pointedly. ”So why does your friend think you pity them?”
Natsuki let her head fall again to the back of the sofa and pressed her palms against her face. ”I really don't know.”
Turning to the side, to face Natsuki, and leaning one elbow on the back of the sofa, Mai gestured with her free hand as she spoke. ”There's got to be some reason. If we can figure that out then maybe you'll know what to do.”
She was right, there had to be a reason, but Natsuki couldn't think of it. She was hopeless at that sort of thing. She was barely aware of the reasons why she did things, let alone another person. One moment s.h.i.+zuru had been perfectly happy, the next she'd pushed Natsuki away. She only wished she knew what had happened in those minutes to cause that change. She let her eyes slide to the left to peer at Mai out of the corner of them. She seemed to be structuring something in her mind and Natsuki realised she hadn't given her friend much of anything to go on. How was she supposed to be able to help?
”You do come off a bit cold, Natsuki. Maybe that's it?” Mai offered.
That wasn't it. She'd opened herself up more with s.h.i.+zuru than she had with anyone else. ”It can't be. I'm not like that with them.”
She registered the surprise in Mai's eyes. ”Really?”
Natsuki shot her a warning look. ”Don't be so surprised.” She couldn't really blame Mai though, she hadn't exactly showed her much evidence of her softer side.
”Maybe that's it...” Mai thought aloud. ”You're not your usual self around this friend so it seems like you're putting on an act?”
”It's not an act!” she snapped defensively.
Mai held her hands up in front of herself. ”I never said that. I said it might seem that way.”
Could that be it? It seemed unfathomable to Natsuki that s.h.i.+zuru would a.s.sume she was pretending when she was around her. ”I... don't think so. They should know me by now.”
An orange eyebrow curved upwards. ”Wouldn't it be, you know, easier to talk to someone who's known you longer then?”
Natsuki turned her head to look at Mai fully. She wasn't speaking out of hurt that she didn't appear to know the biker as well as she thought. She seemed to genuinely think the suggestion was better for her friend. ”I don't really have anyone...” Natsuki trailed off, that aching in her chest swelling once more. s.h.i.+zuru...
As if hearing her thoughts, Mai chimed in. ”What about Kaichou-san?”
The cheerful use of her old t.i.tle made Natsuki feel almost nostalgic. But it also hurt to think she couldn't talk to her old friend. ”No,” she said quietly.
”Why not? She's known you the longest, hasn't she? And you two hang out quite a bit now. Surely, she'd be better at this than me?” Mai said cheerfully, obviously pleased with her reasoning.
Staring back up at the ceiling, Natsuki covered her eyes with her forearm, attempting to block everything out. ”I can't...” She hoped the pain didn't show in her words.
”Don't be so stubborn. If you can talk to me, then-”
”She's the problem, dammit!” s.h.i.+t. She'd wanted to tell Mai but now she regretted the outburst. She let her arm fall back to her side with a little more force than she'd intended.
Mai blinked rapidly, confusion causing a frown to replace her smile and creases to appear on her brow. ”K-kaichou-san... likes the same person you do?”
Natsuki let out a wry laugh, the sound ugly to her own ears. It was only natural for Mai to make that a.s.sumption though. She was trying to force them into a box that fit into her own view of the world. It probably hadn't even occurred to the other girl that a guy wasn't even involved.