Part 26 (2/2)

I vote we fire Andy's a.s.s and let me collaborate with that chick writer who knew Ted Bundy. You know, Ann somebody, the one who does all those books, wrote The Stranger Who Boffed Me or whatever it was called. The movie had Mark Harmon in it. Google her.

Love & Spankies,

Harry

Andrew ”Narc” Mayhem, TATTLETALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Harry * * *

Harry,

Andrew forwarded me the e-mail you just sent to him. I'm being totally serious now: I will cancel this project if you two can't learn to work together, and you will be responsible for paying back the advance, as per your contract.

Do you want to remain a second fiddle to Jacqueline Daniels all your life?

Finish up the story. Stop acting like a jacka.s.s.

Yours truly,

Chad

Chadmeister-

Maybe you forgot who dropped this sweet project right into your lap. You think I didn't have publishers calling me up and begging for the exclusive rights? Sure, you offered fat bank, but you also promised that I could tell my story, my way.

Now you're suddenly all buddy-buddy with the b.u.t.t sniffer, threatening to take back money that you know I already spent on ma.s.sage therapy.

You want to play hardball? Fine. How do you think your bosses will feel when they hear you've screwed up this deal? Think you'll get a big promotion? Or think you'll be back in the mailroom, stuffing Xeroxed rejection letters into slush pile SASEs?

Look, I'm a reasonable guy. If you call me up in the next twenty minutes and beg my forgiveness, I'll try my best to play nice with Mayhem.

But you also have to call up Bunny m.u.f.fin's Personal Ma.s.sage a.s.sistants on Halsted, and tell them to send Candi over, on your dime. You've made me all tense.

And make sure it's Candi with an ”i”. They have a Candy with a ”y” there, and I'm not into that weirdo enema stuff.

Kisses,

Harry

P.S.: On second thought, send them both.

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