Part 8 (2/2)
”It's great,” I said. ”May I keep it?”
”You may if you can,” he laughed. ”But I fancy it can't withstand the rigors of this climate any more than an unfireproof copy of one of your books could stand the caniculars of ours.”
His words were soon to be verified, for as soon as he left me the book vanished, but whether it went off into thin air or was repocketed by the departing Boswell I am not entirely certain.
”What was it you asked me about Samson and Goliath?” Boswell observed, as he gathered up his ma.n.u.script from the floor beside the Enchanted Typewriter. ”Whether they'd ever been in Honolulu?”
”No,” I replied. ”I got a letter from Hawaii the other day asking for the result of the prize-fight the day Kidd ran off with the house-boat.”
”Oh,” replied Boswell. ”That? Why, ah, Samson won hands down, but only because they played according to latter-day rules. If it had been a regular knock-out fight, like the contests in the old days of the ring when it was in its prime, Goliath could have managed him with one hand; but the Samson backers played a sharp game on the Philistine by having the most recently amended Queensbury rules adopted, and Goliath wasn't in it five minutes after Samson opened his mouth.”
”I don't think I understand,” said I.
”Plain enough,” explained Boswell. ”Goliath didn't know what the modern rules were, but he thought a fight was a fight under any rules, so, like a decent chap, he agreed, and when he found that it was nothing but a talking-match he'd got into he fainted. He never was good at expressing himself fluently. Samson talked him down in two rounds, just as he did the other Philistines in the early days on earth.”
I laughed. ”You're slightly off there,” I said. ”That was a stand-up-and-be-knocked-down fight, wasn't it? He used the jawbone of an a.s.s?”
”Very true,” observed Boswell, ”but it is evident that it is you who are slightly off. You haven't kept up with the higher criticism. It has been proven scientifically that not only did the whale not swallow Jonah, but that Samson's great feat against the Philistines was comparable only to the achievements of your modern senators. He talked them to death.”
”Then why jawbone of an a.s.s?” I cried.
”Samson was an a.s.s,” replied Boswell. ”They prove that by the temple episode, for you see if he hadn't been one he'd have got out of the building before yanking the foundations from under it. I tell you, old chap, this higher criticism is a great thing, and as logical as death itself.”
And with this Boswell left me.
I sincerely hope that the result of the fight will prove as satisfactory to my friend in Hawaii as it was to me; for while I have no particular admiration for Samson, I have always rejoiced to hear of the discomfitures of Goliath, who, so far as I have been able to ascertain, was not only not a gentleman, but, in addition, had no more regard for the rights of others than a member of the New York police force or the editor of a Sunday newspaper with a thirst for sensation.
IX. SHERLOCK HOLMES AGAIN
I had intended asking Boswell what had become of my copy of the Baedeker's Hades when he next returned, but the output of the machine that evening so interested me that the hand-book was entirely forgotten.
If there ever was a hero in this world who could compare with D'Artagnan in my estimation for sheer ability in a given line that hero was Sherlock Holmes. With D'Artagnan and Holmes for my companions I think I could pa.s.s the balance of my days in absolute contentment, no matter what woful things might befall me. So it was that, when I next heard the tapping keys and dulcet bell of my Enchanted Type-writer, and, after listening intently for a moment, realized that my friend Boswell was making a copy of a Sherlock Holmes Memoir thereon for his next Sunday's paper, all thought of the interesting little red book of the last meeting flew out of my head. I rose quickly from my couch at the first sounding of the gong.
”Got a Holmes story, eh?” I said, walking to his side, and gazing eagerly over the spot where his shoulder should have been.
”I have that, and it's a winner,” he replied, enthusiastically. ”If you don't believe it, read it. I'll have it copied in about two minutes.”
”I'll do both,” I said. ”I believe all the Sherlock Holmes stories I read. It is so much pleasanter to believe them true. If they weren't true they wouldn't be so wonderful.”
With this I picked up the first page of the ma.n.u.script and shortly after Boswell presented me with the balance, whereon I read the following extraordinary tale:
A MYSTERY SOLVED
A WONDERFUL ACHIEVEMENT IN FERRETING
From Advance Sheets of
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