Part 4 (1/2)

So I drove all the winding roads from Mennonite Town to Church's Mountain, pa.s.sing all the houses where, when it was daylight, I'd see wash lines with white net caps and blue s.h.i.+rts twisting in the breeze. When I got to June's place, before I even got out of the car, two dogs came tearing up to see who I was. I was trying to keep them off of me, and then I heard June's voice, calling them.

”They're Luke's,” she said when I got to her front door. ”I should have warned you.”

”Where were they every other time?”

”They have a kennel out back. They're mostly friendly, but there's no way for you to know that.”

Because of all the commotion with the dogs, it was the first time I really looked at her face. She seemed the same as always. That surprised me, though I didn't know why.

”Come on in. I'll tie them up while you're visiting.”

When I walked in the door, I saw the Jim Beam was already on the table. It seemed strange to me only for a second. Jim Beam was not the sort of thing June and I would ever drink on our own-we were the ones who always used to want something sweet to drink when we went parking with Ray and Del. Jim Beam was the kind of thing Ray would drink, and he would want June to be able to drink it, too. I knew because Del thought I should at least be able to drink a shot of Southern Comfort, even if I didn't like it, just to show people I wasn't a candy-a.s.s.

I had to work breakfast s.h.i.+ft the next day, but I poured a shot anyway. I didn't want to give in to the feeling that I was getting mature about my drinking, and I wanted to keep June company.

When June came in from tying up the dogs, I said, ”So, how's it going out here?”

She looked around at the old cabinets and the linoleum that was a design of baskets, and back to me at the kitchen table, and she said, ”All right, it's all right.”

We laughed, and I thought I knew what she meant: that nothing but nothing was what it was cracked up to be. Living with a guy wasn't all romance and s.e.x-it was also cleaning and cooking and paying bills. At least that's what I thought her look signified, and it was my feeling that whatever made her get the Jim Beam out wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

”No, really, it's all right,” she said, and she shook her head a little when she said it, because I think she knew how her face must have looked. I was expecting bad news, and I was still expecting it when she said, ”Well, Ray's gone and done it.”

She went to a dish on the countertop, near the sink, and picked up a ring and slipped it on her finger.

”Garnet with a diamond chip on each side,” she said, and showed me the ring.

I took her fingers in mine and studied the deep red stone. It wasn't some chintzy, pre-engagement job but a real, full-fledged ring.

”It's pretty,” I said, and meant it. The garnet wasn't small, and the way the ring suited June's hand made me think that Ray had spent time not only finding the ring, but also thinking about how it would look against June's skin. Or so it seemed to me.

”It is pretty.”

She looked at the ring again on her hand, then she took it off and put it back in the dish on the counter.

I said, ”What, don't you like it?”

”I like it.”

”Why aren't you wearing it, then?”

”I do wear it. I guess I'm getting used to it.”

”Is it an engagement ring?” I said. ”Is that what he wants?”

”It's not an engagement ring.”

”What, it's just a gift?”

”Just a gift.”

But it didn't make any sense. If the ring was just a gift, she wouldn't have to get used to it, and if June liked it, she would be wearing it on her hand and would have showed it to me first thing I walked in the door.

”What are you getting used to?” I said.

”I don't know. I guess I have to get used to how much he loves me.”

The way she said it, I knew she was lying. About what piece of it, I couldn't say. Maybe she and Ray were fighting and she wasn't saying, or maybe it was something else. I didn't know. But June knew I could tell she was lying, and I figured over the course of our conversation or over the Jim Beam, she'd spill the deal.

”I hemmed up all my skirts again,” I said, to change the subject for a while and give the conversation room to breathe.

”Weren't they already short?”

”Well, they're shorter now,” I said. ”I did it for tips.”

”Yeah, 'cause you really get the big tippers at Dreisbach's.”

Of course, it was the whiskey kicking in, but we laughed about that, and it felt good to laugh with her. I was glad we were not talking about rings and the like.

”Naw, really I did it for me,” I said. ”I wanted to see my own legs. You know?”

”I know.”

And I knew she did understand. The kind of jobs we had, you couldn't ever really dress up, because the work would tear apart any kind of outfit, but you had to take some kind of care of yourself, because if you didn't, you got to feeling bad about yourself. After an eight-hour s.h.i.+ft, my hair was coated with grease from the kitchen and smelled of french fries and cigarette smoke, but at least I could look down and see the shape of my legs. With all the lifting and walking I was doing, muscles in my thighs were getting hard. Right beside the long muscle in my thigh was a little hollow. I liked seeing the shadow and shape, and I liked being at work and being able to think of the way Del's face looked when he kissed me there.

June poured me another three fingers of Jim Beam and asked how everything was going with Del, but before I had a chance to say, ”He's smoking and drinking every penny he earns,” the dogs started howling and she went out to quiet them.

When she came back, she seemed to forget that she had asked me about Del.

”You want to know Ray's theory about the ring?” she said.

”Go.”

”He says it's all in my hands. He says he'll marry me whenever I say.”

”Is that what you want?”

”I don't know.”

”Well, what do you say when he asks you about it?”

”He doesn't ever ask me. He says it's like a puppy. He says if you squeeze a puppy, the puppy runs away. If you let the puppy alone, it comes.”

”And you're the puppy.”

”I'm the one he's trying not to squeeze.”

I thought giving a girl a ring was a pretty hard squeeze, but worse was Ray trying to use dog mentality on her. I couldn't believe it. I didn't say anything, though. It wasn't mine to say. Besides, I still felt like there was something she wasn't being honest about.

”What are you going to do about the ring?” I asked.