Part 38 (1/2)

Sean

Never Again. Never again.

Few things create never again like death. Biting the big one, and not talking burgers.

Kicking the bucket.

Taking a one-way trip to who-knows-where.

Is there a heaven? h.e.l.l?

I mean, who can really say what happens after the lights go out? Is there a ”h.e.l.lo” after the final good-bye?

Word Travels Fast Along the ”someone died”

grapevine. It might not always be accurate, so you have to do some double checking to make sure what you heard is something close to true.

I heard about Conner from Duvall, not exactly the most reliable source.

But this time, it seems, he was right. Conner fell off a cliff, somewhere out in the Black Rock Desert.

He was on a wilderness challenge. Still not clear why.

Not like Conner couldn't hack a challenge course. But why was he there? And did he fall by accident? On purpose?

h.e.l.l, maybe someone pushed him over. Some pretty rough kids go on those challenges.

Rougher than Conner, who was a total prep, if a jock prep.

Was. Hard to use the past tense when talking about someone you know. Someone your age.

Someone who could be you, if things were a little different.

Aubree and I are going to the wake. I didn't want to. Not like Conner and I were tight or anything.

Plus, dead people give me the creeps. Too many bad memories. Ghosts, walking.

But Aubree says we have to.

It's expected. Everyone will be there. They'll talk if we aren't.

Not Going To Argue Dad would expect me to go.

Conner and I were teammates, if not friends. The team will all be there, for sure. The least you can do when a teammate dies is go to his wake.

They're having it at the biggest funeral home in Reno. Aubree was right.

Everyone is here, to judge by the parking lot. ”We have to park on the street and walk.”

It's a long few blocks, made easier by sneaking peeks at Aubree's legs, mostly exposed by the very short skirt of her black dress.

Everyone is in black except me. I wore navy blue, just to shake things up. Oops.

Okay. Cara is not in black.

She's in a dark red dress that fits her like skin and she is beautiful, even in her obvious grief. Or maybe because of it. She looks like a child. Vulnerable. Easy to hurt. Aubree notices who I'm staring at. She elbows me. Kind of inappropriate.

Maybe. But I still want to go to her, hold her, despite her girlfriend (hair no longer blue) standing so close there can be no doubt that they are an item. I turn away, take Aubree's hand, and we go down a far aisle to find two seats way in the back.

Who sits up front at a wake?

I Watch Who Goes Up Front Conner's family. His father, who walks all bound up, like if he lets himself sway at all he might stumble and fall. Conner's mother, who looks straight ahead, no hint of expression on her beautiful, sculpted face.

Cara, her own face a carbon copy. Except hers is sorrow streaked. Her girlfriend, who scaffolds Cara. Kendra and her mother. Shantell, with some guy I've never seen before. And just in front of them, a young couple. Maybe my age. Also strangers, but apparently not strangers to Conner. They hold tight to each other, struggle not to fall apart.

Andre

Strangers Death gives strangers common ground to walk on.

Encounter obstacles on.

To fall down and cry on until it sponges their tears.

Muddied, they struggle to pick themselves up, clean off the dirt, st.i.tch their wounds, and together fight, no longer strangers, to get on with living.

I Never Knew Conner Sykes or anyone in his family, I'm only here because Shantell didn't want to come alone.

She brought me up front, close to Cara, who I did meet that one time. She seems different. Older, touched by death. Sitting next to her mother, I can see what she will look like one day, when she is older still.

It's an open casket. From here, the boy inside appears to be sleeping. Only his mostly colorless face gives his lifelessness away. He is-was- younger than I when he left this earth. He will never marry.

Never have children. Never find his way back from wherever it was that he lost himself. He will never live his dreams, whatever they were.

Did he have them? Lose them? Can you lose sight of a dream that you don't have time to discover?