Part 43 (1/2)

”Yeah, that's not going to happen.”

Eden turned to face him. ”Why?” she asked hotly. ”Because with Ben gone, I suddenly 'need' you again? According to your your definition-forget about what definition-forget about what I I really feel, what really feel, what I I really need! Because I couldn't possibly be sincere or honest. I couldn't possibly be anything but mercenary. If Ben's in trouble, I need you, but if not, I don't, so get lost so I can have my really need! Because I couldn't possibly be sincere or honest. I couldn't possibly be anything but mercenary. If Ben's in trouble, I need you, but if not, I don't, so get lost so I can have my freedom freedom to go screw an entire football team!” to go screw an entire football team!”

”That's not what I meant,” he argued.

”Isn't it?” she asked. ”Because it sure sounded like that to me. And why do you you get to decide when I do or don't need you, anyway? Why does it have to be life or death, if I need you or I don't? Why can't I just... get to decide when I do or don't need you, anyway? Why does it have to be life or death, if I need you or I don't? Why can't I just...need you-on an average, I don't know, Sat.u.r.day morning, when the sun is s.h.i.+ning and the biggest challenge is deciding whether to go to the beach or the park for a bike ride? Why can't I need you just to make the sun s.h.i.+ne a little more brightly or to make the sky be a little more blue?” you-on an average, I don't know, Sat.u.r.day morning, when the sun is s.h.i.+ning and the biggest challenge is deciding whether to go to the beach or the park for a bike ride? Why can't I need you just to make the sun s.h.i.+ne a little more brightly or to make the sky be a little more blue?”

Izzy glanced at her again, his face somber and mysterious in the glow from the dashboard, as he pulled up in front of Greg and Ivette's house.

And Lord, Eden's stomach twisted, because she didn't want to do this. She didn't want to see her mother, to watch as her lips tightened disapprovingly. And wasn't that that covered in irony-the fact that Ivette could disapprove of covered in irony-the fact that Ivette could disapprove of anyone anyone, considering her own track record?

Eden wanted to throw herself into Izzy's arms and beg him to drive away, to just go-anywhere but here.

But it was possible that Ben was in that house or worse-that Greg had had him picked up by the G.o.d squad-lowercase g g on on G.o.d G.o.d, because any so-called G.o.d who approved of those idiots' decidedly non-Christian actions didn't deserve the respect that came with a capital letter.

Besides, Izzy had been adamant that he didn't want her throwing herself at him again, for any purpose. So she folded her arms across her chest and held on to herself instead. She could do this. She had had to do this... to do this...

Over in the driver's seat, Izzy cleared his throat after her little outburst. ”You really expect me to believe-”

”No,” Eden said, cutting him off. ”I don't expect you you to believe anything I say. You've made it more than clear that you don't trust me, and maybe I deserve that. Maybe I earned it. And maybe you won't ever love me-maybe you can't. Maybe it's entirely my fault, maybe I broke that in you, too. But you are to believe anything I say. You've made it more than clear that you don't trust me, and maybe I deserve that. Maybe I earned it. And maybe you won't ever love me-maybe you can't. Maybe it's entirely my fault, maybe I broke that in you, too. But you are not allowed not allowed to tell me that I don't love you. You can reject it. You can discount it. You can be a total d.i.c.kweed and laugh in my face and mock me for it. But you to tell me that I don't love you. You can reject it. You can discount it. You can be a total d.i.c.kweed and laugh in my face and mock me for it. But you cannot cannot tell me that I don't feel what I feel.” tell me that I don't feel what I feel.”

And with that, she pushed open the door and climbed out of the car on legs that were shaking. And great, now she was going to throw up, but she closed the door and briefly bent over, hands on her knees, closed her eyes, and breathed.

Izzy being Izzy, he refused to give her s.p.a.ce, crossing quickly around the front of the car, in case she needed a hand.

She pushed him away as she started for the walkway to the h.e.l.l-house. ”You're not allowed to touch me anymore. Just...go back to California.”

He stood in front of her, blocking her path and making her pull up short. ”We're supposed to wait for Dan and Jenn.”

”Danny's not the boss of me.”

”And he's not the boss of me, either,” Izzy told her evenly. ”Sometimes he's an a.s.shole, and sometimes he's right, and this is one of the times that he's right. And you know it, too.”

He glanced down the street, where, yes, those were headlights approaching. It was Dan and Jenn's rental car, and both he and Eden watched as it approached.

Or rather Eden watched, because Izzy was still gazing at her as if he were trying to read her mind.

”You're not allowed to look look at me anymore, either,” she told him. ”So just stop.” at me anymore, either,” she told him. ”So just stop.”

He glanced over at the approaching car. Jenn was driving and she pulled up in front of the house and parked, waving at them as if they'd gathered for a family picnic.

But then Izzy touched Eden's arm and looked at her, both actions clearly meant to be in-her-face violations of her latest rules. His words, however, were dead serious. ”Eden, do you really...love me?”

And for a half a heartbeat, as she looked up at him, she thought maybe-just maybe-he was finally starting to believe her. But then he added, ”Or do you just hate to lose?”

She jerked her arm away. ”Screw you.”

”Sorry,” he said, wincing. ”Sorry. I didn't mean it the way it sounded, like it was a bad thing, because I've got it, too, you know? This inability to accept that it's time to quit. And that's what I'm trying to do here. With you. Be a grown-up about the fact that we're together for all the wrong reasons.” He glanced over to the other car as Jenni and Dan got out. ”And I just wanted you to think about that and...You're right-I don't don't get to tell you how you feel, but...I just want you to know that...Well, s.h.i.+t, I'm eleven-ten and a half-years older than you, and most of the time get to tell you how you feel, but...I just want you to know that...Well, s.h.i.+t, I'm eleven-ten and a half-years older than you, and most of the time I I don't know what the h.e.l.l this is that don't know what the h.e.l.l this is that I'm I'm feeling.” feeling.”

”Well, right now I hate you,” Eden said. ”About as much as I ever have. I'm very clear about that.”

He nodded, still somber, as if he were actually taking her at her word. ”There have been times that I've hated you, too,” he told her. ”I've tried, but I just can't manage to make myself feel indifferent.”

What was he saying? ”Look, if you're really going,” Eden said, wiping away the tears that kept springing into her eyes, ”please, just go go already.” already.”

”Hey.” Jennilyn greeted them, looking from Eden to Izzy and back again, clearly picking up on the tension between them. ”So this this is going to be hard, huh?” is going to be hard, huh?”

”Izzy's got to go back to San Diego,” Eden told her new sister-in-law, who turned to Izzy with surprise.

But he was shaking his head. ”Are you kidding? And miss this episode of Dysfunction Junction Dysfunction Junction? I call dibs on hog-tying Greg. a.s.suming Greg's gonna need to be hog-tied, which...is a pretty sure bet.”

Jenn was the only one who laughed. Dan was already grimly starting up the stairs, leading the way-taking the point, as it was called in the SEAL teams. He was still wearing his dress uniform, which was a nice touch when dealing with their mother, who'd always loved s.h.i.+ny things.

”We're going to get through this,” Jenn told Eden, pulling her in for a quick hug. ”Maybe it'll be easy. Maybe Ben's inside, and together we can get your mom to agree that living with Danny and me in San Diego is a good solution for everyone-because it is. We can do this. We will will do it.” do it.”

It was all Eden could do not to cling to her, weeping. But Dan was already knocking on the door-the buzzer had stopped working a long time ago.

She let Jenn hold her hand and lead her over to the foot of the cracked and broken steps, with Izzy-who hated her, too-in the rear, clearly not going anywhere.

Eden and Dan's mother came to the door with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

”Whozat, Ivy?” someone-Greg, had to be-shouted from the back of the house.

”It's Danny,” Ivette shouted back in a voice heavy with nicotine-laced Southern sugar. She didn't let them in, she just looked out at them through the screen, leaning close to whisper in a drunk's version of sotto voce, ”Why'd you bring her? You know seeing her makes Greg go all apes.h.i.+t crazy.”

The her her in question was Eden, and as Izzy watched, she stood a little taller, chin high. in question was Eden, and as Izzy watched, she stood a little taller, chin high. Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words... Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words... He knew d.a.m.n well that words could hurt pretty fricking badly. He knew d.a.m.n well that words could hurt pretty fricking badly.

”Nice to see you, too, Ivette,” Eden said as Dan spoke over her. ”We don't want any trouble. I know it's late, but I got your message and...We're looking for Ben. Is he here?”

”Benjamin?” she said as she took another sip of her drink, as if that would improve her memory.

It was pretty freaking amazing, seeing her in the flesh.

Eden had described Ivette to Izzy, back when they'd gotten married. He'd always thought she'd been exaggerating, but in truth she'd been pretty d.a.m.n accurate. The woman was in her late forties-some years younger than Dan Gillman the elder, which made sense, because she had been his second wife. They'd married out of necessity when she was still a teenager, after he'd gotten her pregnant. She was formerly, fadingly pretty in an aging p.o.r.n-star way. And if Izzy looked hard enough, he could see traces of Eden's beauty in the shape of her face.

But the similarities ended there. Ivette's eyes were a watery, washed-out blue and her hair was bottle blond, and her lips had been recently collagened, giving her a solid whiff of Stiffler's Mom, if Stiffler's Mom had been both ill-educated and a substance abuser. She was high on whatever meds she'd stolen from her most recent client. Izzy could see the drugs, along with the blurring effects of alcohol, in her out-of-focus eyes.

The woman didn't open the screen to hug Danny or Eden, despite the fact that it had been well over a year since she'd seen either of her children. Of course, her hands were were full. full.

Yeah.

”Is Ben here?” Eden pushed.

Her mother turned to scream back into the house. ”Greg, is Benjy here?”

Just what they needed-Greg adding his personal brand of crazy to this nightmare.

Izzy stepped forward, reaching out to nudge Danny, who was clearly overwhelmed, and not in a good way. ”Hey, man, why don't we just go in and look around?”

Danny snapped back to life. ”Yeah, I'll do it,” he said, opening the screen. ”Excuse me, ma'am.”