Part 35 (2/2)
”No,” he said. ”No.” ”No.” He started to reach for her again, but this time stopped before he connected. ”I just would've done everything really differently.” He started to reach for her again, but this time stopped before he connected. ”I just would've done everything really differently.”
”Like what?”
”Like, I wouldn't have slept with you,” he told her. ”Not that night, and not the night we got married, either.”
Eden looked at him. ”Even though that's the one indisputable fact that we both agree on-that we have the world's greatest s.e.x?”
”Is it really?” he asked quietly, his dark eyes so somber. ”If I don't trust you, and you don't trust me...?”
”So...you think our not having s.e.x-ever-would have made us trust each other?” she asked, struggling to comprehend.
”I don't know. I'm not sure there's anything I could've done to make you trust me,” Izzy told her.
Eden nodded, feeling sick. ”So what do we do now?” she asked. If he left, they'd be at a disadvantage at tomorrow's meeting. If he left, they might not get custody of Ben. If he left...
As usual, he knew what she was thinking. ”I'm not going anywhere.” But then he amended it. ”Unless you want me to.”
”I want Ben to be safe,” she told him. She wanted so much more than that, but she knew better than to couch their relations.h.i.+p in terms that dealt with anything other than s.e.x and her little brother.
”Well, good,” Izzy said, ”because I want that, too.”
”Enough to live with me?” she asked. ”For an undetermined amount of time-but possibly as long as three years? That's crazy. That's longer than most jail terms.”
He sighed at that. ”Living with you isn't a hards.h.i.+p,” he told her.
”Despite the fact that the s.e.x isn't really all that great?”
”I didn't say that,” he said. ”I said it's not as great as, I don't know, as maybe it could could be. And...maybe this is a good thing. That this happened. Maybe we could, I don't know, start over.” be. And...maybe this is a good thing. That this happened. Maybe we could, I don't know, start over.”
”Start over,” she said, unable to keep her hurt from making her sound surly.
”Yeah,” Izzy said. ”If we both promise not to lie to each other-”
”I thought I did that,” she said. ”Last night.”
”You didn't say it,” he countered.
”Cross my heart and hope to die?” Eden asked. ”What are you, twelve?”
”No,” he said, clearly frustrated with her, too, but like her, he was hyperaware that Big John was watching them. So he lowered his voice. ”I just-”
”How does that work, anyway?” Eden interrupted him. She kept her voice low, too, but she didn't try to hide her upset. ”Because if you think I'm a liar, then I could be lying when I promise I won't lie to you. So what's the point?”
”It's just...I don't know. A way to start over,” he said again. ”To start clean.”
”Okay, then. I promise I won't lie to you-about anything,” Eden told him, sitting back in her chair. ”Not even to be nice. Cross my heart and hope to die. So look out if your a.s.s looks fat in those pants, because I'm not not going to lie about it.” going to lie about it.”
Izzy smiled at that. ”I'm not really that worried about-”
”That was a bad example,” she said. ”A stupid haircut. If you get one, watch out.”
”That's a possibility,” he said, ”having had my share of stupid haircuts. I'll consider myself warned.”
”Your turn,” she said.
Izzy looked at her and his smile faded. ”I promise I won't lie to you anymore, either,” he said.
”Have you?” she asked. ”Lied to me?”
”Yeah,” he admitted.
”About what?”
”About you working here. I don't want you stripping, I don't,” he said, then closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache. ”I was pretending that I wanted it to be your choice. I think you should quit because yada yada I think you should quit because yada yada, but if we're going to move forward from here?” He opened his eyes and looked at her, and it was clear that he was dead serious. ”No more. Not here, and not in California, either.”
Eden gazed back at him.
But he wasn't done. ”Not even when I'm away,” he said. ”Especially not when I'm away. I know you think you found yourself a good situation and that you felt safe. Safe enough, anyway, but the truth is, it's dangerous. Besides, you're better than that and...The idea of all those hands on you? I know they're not supposed to touch, but I also know that they do. And I don't want it. I don't want to share.” not when I'm away. I know you think you found yourself a good situation and that you felt safe. Safe enough, anyway, but the truth is, it's dangerous. Besides, you're better than that and...The idea of all those hands on you? I know they're not supposed to touch, but I also know that they do. And I don't want it. I don't want to share.”
Eden could tell from his body language that he was expecting her to argue or to come out with some kind of You're not the boss of me You're not the boss of me exclamation. Instead, she nodded. She'd already handwritten her letter of resignation and left it up on Alan's desk. Because this way she exclamation. Instead, she nodded. She'd already handwritten her letter of resignation and left it up on Alan's desk. Because this way she wouldn't wouldn't have to lie to the social workers tomorrow. Plus she knew Danny was going to raise a stink if she tried to keep it up. Besides, she didn't like being touched, either. ”Okay,” she said. have to lie to the social workers tomorrow. Plus she knew Danny was going to raise a stink if she tried to keep it up. Besides, she didn't like being touched, either. ”Okay,” she said.
”Really? Just like that?” He was surprised.
”No,” she said, a touch snarkishly. ”I'm lying.”
”No, you're not,” he said, ”because you promised you wouldn't.”
There was something in his eyes, now, that looked a lot like hope.
”You know what sucks?” Eden asked him, ”almost as much as you do?” She didn't wait for him to answer. ”When I work some stupid minimum-wage job, and the manager puts his hands all over me, and there's nothing I can do about it.”
”Yeah, there is something-”
”Something that won't get you you arrested,” she added. arrested,” she added.
”How about you let me help you find a job?” Izzy asked. ”When we get to San Diego.”
Eden shrugged. ”I'm happy to let you try,” she said.
He smiled at that. ”There is no try.”
”Yeah, well, people generally don't want to hire me,” she told him. ”Unless they want to get in my pants. Try to get in my pants. And there definitely is a try try, because they do it. But they don't succeed.”
”I'll help you find a job,” he said again, ”with people who'll respect you.”
And there he sat, just looking at Eden, as just a few feet away, up on that stage, Darlene danced. She might as well have been invisible as far as Izzy was concerned.
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