Part 28 (1/2)

Except now she was not only shaking her head, she was reaching for his hands. ”Izzy, please, you can't believe that-it's not not true. There was nothing you could have done.” Her voice shook and her eyes filled with tears. ”There was nothing anyone could have done. Pinkie was already dead. Believe me, as soon as I was out of the hospital, I tried to find out what caused it, was it something that I did or didn't do, something I ate? G.o.d, I was sure it was, but I did all this research and...No. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't my fault. It true. There was nothing you could have done.” Her voice shook and her eyes filled with tears. ”There was nothing anyone could have done. Pinkie was already dead. Believe me, as soon as I was out of the hospital, I tried to find out what caused it, was it something that I did or didn't do, something I ate? G.o.d, I was sure it was, but I did all this research and...No. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't my fault. It wasn't wasn't. It's a miracle, you know, the way that an egg and sperm can grow into a perfect human being, and it makes sense that it doesn't always happen right, not a hundred percent of the time. Some babies don't get made properly-there are all these scientific words for what happens to them, but the bottom line is that they can't live on their own, and they die. Most of them die in the first three months of a pregnancy, but some of them are stronger than they maybe should be, so they live a little bit longer with something really wrong with them, the way Pinkie did.”

Eden believed what she was saying-and not just for right now, either. Her conviction rang in her every word. And Izzy was glad for that-that she didn't blame herself for something she couldn't have prevented.

”But if you didn't blame me,” he said, and G.o.dd.a.m.nit, he had to wipe his eyes because he, too, had tears in them, and his voice shook, too, because talking and thinking about Pinkie always broke his heart, ”why did you leave?”

He'd s.h.i.+pped out, overseas on a.s.signment with Team Sixteen, on the same day Eden had been released from the hospital. He'd come back several weeks later to find her gone, his apartment cold and empty.

”Because you didn't believe me,” she said, her voice very small in the darkness. ”I knew you thought I lied about who Pinkie's father was.”

And Izzy couldn't deny that.

She'd told him it was Richie, her ex-boyfriend Jerry's low-life, drug-running boss, who'd gotten her pregnant-and not with her permission, either. She'd p.i.s.sed Richie off when she'd tried to convince Jerry to get a real job, because working for Richie was likely to get him arrested. Richie'd warned Eden to back off, but when she persisted, he'd sent Jerry out of town, then wormed his way into her apartment, gave her roofies, and videoed himself having s.e.x with her. Which, when Jerry saw that video, transformed him from boyfriend to ex.

Ironically, the a.s.shole had stayed tight with Richie, who claimed he'd made the recording only to show his buddy Jerry proof that Eden was regularly stepping out on him.

Izzy'd seen the video, and it was pretty d.a.m.n obvious that Eden had been under the influence of some kind of chemical substance at the time it had been recorded.

”I was upset,” he said. ”And I was wrong wrong. As soon as I was thinking clearly? I knew what must've happened. Richie wasn't alone with you when he made that tape. He couldn't have been.”

And it was obvious-after Izzy'd had some time to think about it-that at least one other person had been there, with Richie, working the camera. And whoever that person was? He He was Pinkie's biological father. was Pinkie's biological father.

Because Richie had been African-American, and Pinkie's father had been white.

Which meant that Eden hadn't merely been raped that night. She'd been the victim of a gang bang.

”G.o.dd.a.m.nit,” Izzy said now. ”Thinking about it makes me sick.”

”I don't remember any of it,” she reminded him quietly.

Which was one of the reasons she'd been so open to the idea of bringing Pinkie into the world, and having him be part of her life. His had been a seemingly immaculate conception.

”You know that Jerry's in jail,” Eden said now.

”I hadn't heard that,” he said.

”And Richie was killed, along with most of his crew,” she said. ”Some kind of meth lab explosion. At least that's the story I heard.”

Izzy looked back at her steadily because there was an unasked question in her eyes. ”I didn't have anything to do with it. You asked me to stay away from him.”

Eden nodded. ”The s.e.x video's also off the Internet,” she said.

”That I did,” he admitted. ”With the help of a friend who's a lawyer.” I did,” he admitted. ”With the help of a friend who's a lawyer.”

”Maria?” she asked, with the most amazing amount of casualness.

Izzy had to laugh at that. ”No,” he said. ”I would never never have asked her to...See, Jenn's boss is also a New York State a.s.semblywoman. I think she wants to be the president someday, and she wouldn't have wanted to get anywhere near a video like that. No, I, um, got some help from a guy named Martell Griffin, who works for Troubleshooters Incorporated. You don't know him, he's from their Florida office.” have asked her to...See, Jenn's boss is also a New York State a.s.semblywoman. I think she wants to be the president someday, and she wouldn't have wanted to get anywhere near a video like that. No, I, um, got some help from a guy named Martell Griffin, who works for Troubleshooters Incorporated. You don't know him, he's from their Florida office.”

She nodded. ”Thank you for doing that. And...Please thank Martell when you get the chance.”

Izzy nodded, too, and they sat for a moment in silence. And then he figured what the h.e.l.l, so he kept going, said more. ”You know, sometimes when you say...the things you say? Like before? That you never stopped loving me? It makes me feel like c.r.a.p, like you're trying to, I don't know, play me or”-she looked up and over at him at that, her eyes practically flas.h.i.+ng in the darkness-”or maybe just manipulate me into...doing I don't know what, because I already told you I'd stay. And can I give you a hot tip, sweetheart?” He didn't wait for her to respond, he just said it. ”All you have to do is look me in the eye and say, Izzy, I'm glad that you're sticking around. I appreciate that very much Izzy, I'm glad that you're sticking around. I appreciate that very much. And if there's something else that you need from me? Something I'm not giving you? d.a.m.n it, just freaking ask already. Don't make me have to guess. And don't...” Take money from my wallet without asking Take money from my wallet without asking. He didn't finish the sentence because bringing that up right now would be dangerous.

”Don't what?” Eden asked, but he just shook his head.

If he said, Hey, about that twenty-dollar bill you took from my wallet at some point last night...? Hey, about that twenty-dollar bill you took from my wallet at some point last night...?

And she said, What twenty-dollar bill? What twenty-dollar bill?

And he said, The one that was in my wallet after I went to the ATM and then bought that box of condoms, but The one that was in my wallet after I went to the ATM and then bought that box of condoms, but wasn't wasn't in my wallet when I bought that ice cream at the mall, even though I had my wallet with me at all times, except when I was sleeping last night, when you and I were alone in your apartment...? in my wallet when I bought that ice cream at the mall, even though I had my wallet with me at all times, except when I was sleeping last night, when you and I were alone in your apartment...?

And if she said, I didn't take your money I didn't take your money, then he'd have to say, There you go, f.u.c.king lying to me again There you go, f.u.c.king lying to me again or or I must be mistaken I must be mistaken, even though he absolutely, positively knew that he wasn't.

He also absolutely, positively had no idea why why she should have taken a twenty from him when she was carrying around that freaking huge-large roll of tips from work, but he'd lived long enough to know that some people got off on stealing other people's s.h.i.+t. And just as she didn't really know him all that well, he really didn't know Eden, either. she should have taken a twenty from him when she was carrying around that freaking huge-large roll of tips from work, but he'd lived long enough to know that some people got off on stealing other people's s.h.i.+t. And just as she didn't really know him all that well, he really didn't know Eden, either.

The solution wasn't to get in her face about it, but instead to be more careful about safeguarding his cash. And he should probably include his heart along with his wallet, because as often as she said things like I never stopped loving you I never stopped loving you, he had to stay focused and remember that he hadn't hadn't tamed her. And he never would. She was wild and, like the lyrics to that old Joni Mitch.e.l.l song, tamed her. And he never would. She was wild and, like the lyrics to that old Joni Mitch.e.l.l song, wild things run fast wild things run fast.

Eden was going to leave again.

It didn't matter what she said. He had to keep believing that her leaving was a given-another simple fact like the s.e.x was great, and she hadn't married him because she loved him-or his flipping heart was going to get trashed.

”Don't what?” she asked again. ”Because if there's something you need from me, then you have to say it, too. Don't make me me guess, either.” guess, either.”

”I don't want you to lie to me,” he said, going for a cryptic explanation. ”I'd rather we just not talk about certain things.”

”Kind of the way you you don't want to talk about Maria?” she asked. ”So you don't have to lie to me?” don't want to talk about Maria?” she asked. ”So you don't have to lie to me?”

Izzy looked at her. ”Are you actually jealous?”

She was. He could see it in her eyes, hear it in the way she said Maria's name. She didn't answer for a long time, and to her credit, when she finally did respond, she didn't lie. She simply said, ”I shouldn't be.”

”d.a.m.n straight,” he said, because he, too, was unwilling to reveal the truth-that there was nothing for Eden to be jealous about, that he'd gone without s.e.x for all those months, that he'd pa.s.sed up some extremely golden opportunities to get laid, including with Maria, because he, in fact, had had never stopped loving Eden. And yeah, he'd sooner cut his own heart from his chest and throw it on the floor for her to step on than tell her that. Let her think he and Maria Bonavita had screwed each other neon blue for all those days he'd been in New York City. Maybe it would make Eden stay with him a little bit longer. never stopped loving Eden. And yeah, he'd sooner cut his own heart from his chest and throw it on the floor for her to step on than tell her that. Let her think he and Maria Bonavita had screwed each other neon blue for all those days he'd been in New York City. Maybe it would make Eden stay with him a little bit longer.

”I'm not trying to play you,” she said quietly. ”And I'm very very glad that you said that you'd stay to help with Ben. I do appreciate that. Very much. I just...The s.e.x is really great, I agree, and...I appreciate that, too.” glad that you said that you'd stay to help with Ben. I do appreciate that. Very much. I just...The s.e.x is really great, I agree, and...I appreciate that, too.”

And okay. He was sitting here, getting thanked for having s.e.x with the most desirable woman he'd ever known. And yeah, somehow during this little conversation, they'd switched from using her label-making love-to his. Having s.e.x.

And that was probably better, too.

”I think,” Eden continued, ”that I have this, I don't know, estrogen-based thing inside of my head that creates...confusion. When I...have s.e.x, like we have? Really great great s.e.x?” s.e.x?”

And okay again, he really loved that she was saying that, with a huge emphasis on the great great. His bulls.h.i.+t meter was silent, which meant either she was being honest, or or that he was willing to be manipulated as long as she waxed poetic about how awesome it was when he banged her. that he was willing to be manipulated as long as she waxed poetic about how awesome it was when he banged her.

But she wasn't done. She said, ”I feel these, I don't know, really huge, overwhelming feelings and...It feels a lot like love, but maybe it's just...Maybe what I really should have said before was...that I never stopped wanting wanting you.” you.”

Oh, ding.

And maybe, in the cosmic scheme of things, that should have been just as difficult to believe as I never stopped loving you I never stopped loving you. But Izzy was happy to take this particular ride through MakeBelieveLand aboard the Eden-Wants-Him bus. And who knows? Maybe she was was telling the truth. telling the truth.

Whatever the case, he could respond to her statement by being completely honest in return. So he did. ”Same here,” he said. ”And I'll raise you one. I don't think I'll ever stop wanting you.”

She smiled at that, but it was a touch sadly. ”That I I don't believe.” don't believe.”