Part 19 (1/2)

Izzy stayed silent as Eden rested her forehead against his shoulder, as they still both struggled to catch their breath, as the pa.s.sion segment of their insanity ended and the messy cleanup part began.

Something, obviously, needed to be said, and So, how much do I owe you? So, how much do I owe you? was probably not the way to start the conversation if he wanted to live to see another day. Even though her was probably not the way to start the conversation if he wanted to live to see another day. Even though her I'm afraid this might hurt, it's been so long I'm afraid this might hurt, it's been so long comment seemed like something a girl would learn to tell her clients in the very first cla.s.sroom session of Vegas Hooking 101. comment seemed like something a girl would learn to tell her clients in the very first cla.s.sroom session of Vegas Hooking 101.

The only thing she'd left out was a breathless and you're so and you're so, so big big.

And yeah, the voices in his head had both been right. He was a f.u.c.king moron, he was still in love with her, and he was p.i.s.sed as h.e.l.l at himself for being so weak because she definitely wasn't going to learn to trust him if all he did was prove he was no different from all the other guys who only wanted to f.u.c.k her.

And at the same time, he knew with an absolute certainty that he'd done the right thing for himself. Because even if he'd kept her at arm's length, professing his undying love, she not only wouldn't believe him, but she wouldn't give a s.h.i.+t. All he'd have was a b.o.n.e.r and a missed opportunity to get off, and he'd been there, done that. Because she was never never going to trust him, and she was, eventually, going to leave again. If things got too difficult-which they probably would in about seventeen seconds-she going to trust him, and she was, eventually, going to leave again. If things got too difficult-which they probably would in about seventeen seconds-she would would walk away. walk away.

It was her MO and he could count on it.

Besides, the truth was, he did did want to f.u.c.k her. Forever and endlessly. For the next solid year of his life, nonstop, if possible. After which he'd be dead, but his corpse would be smiling. want to f.u.c.k her. Forever and endlessly. For the next solid year of his life, nonstop, if possible. After which he'd be dead, but his corpse would be smiling.

To his surprise, she spoke first as he reached forward to kick the car's a/c up into a higher gear.

”I missed you,” she murmured, her voice m.u.f.fled because her face was still pressed against his shoulder. But that was definitely what she'd said.

And Izzy didn't quite know what to say, so he went with the naked truth. ”Yeah, I missed you, too.”

She pulled back then to look at him, and even though night had fully fallen long before she'd pulled off her jeans, there was enough light from the dimly glowing dashboard so that, up close like this, he could see her face, and she could see his.

She wasn't smiling-in fact, she looked as if she were fighting tears. And she said, in a very small voice, ”I don't blame you, you know, for giving up on me.”

And with that she nodded over at the other seat and added, ”Could you...? Do you mind?”

He obeyed automatically, picking them both up and over the parking brake. Somewhere in there, she pulled off of him, neatly sliding into the pa.s.senger seat. She grabbed her handbag from where she'd thrown it in the back and dug through it, pulling out a plastic baggie filled with tissues as he attempted to comprehend.

”Wait a minute,” he said. ”What? I what what?”

She handed him a small stack of the tissues, which he used to adios the condom, because it was definitely better to have this conversation without his d.i.c.k hanging out, doing its posts.e.x shrinky-d.i.n.k imitation.

”I know I shouldn't complain,” Eden said as she slid her leg back into both her stripper panties and her jeans, managing to slip her foot into her sneaker with dead accuracy as it emerged from the pants leg. A smooth, solid reminder that this was not her first time at the rodeo. ”Since I didn't exactly come back to San Diego to see you, after I left Europe.”

She lifted her hips to reb.u.t.ton herself and adjust her pants around her, then reached up beneath her T-s.h.i.+rt and refastened the front clasp of her bra.

At which point Izzy slapped on the car's interior overhead light with the back of his hand. ”You've got to be f.u.c.king kidding me.”

She recoiled at his vehemence, squinting at him in the sudden brightness even as she straightened her messy hair, pulling it back into a ponytail.

”I flew to Germany every single f.u.c.king chance I got,” he told her, his voice actually breaking with his disbelief. ”Every chance.” chance.”

”Sorry,” she said, bristling. ”I know you were busy-of course, you were busy and it was a long way to travel. And I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because I know it took me forever to get my act together, but...G.o.d, you didn't even write back.”

”Write?” he asked. ”Back?” ”Back?”

”After I sent you that letter,” Eden told him. ”At Christmas...?” She was looking at him with an added you a.s.shole you a.s.shole in her eyes, but then she realized his stunned shock was for real. ”You didn't get it.” in her eyes, but then she realized his stunned shock was for real. ”You didn't get it.”

She said it in exact unison with his ”I didn't get it.” Part of him was completely ready to buy this-the idea that their months-long separation had been due to a simple miscommunication-and was ready to fall into her arms, weeping and proclaiming his undying love.

But part of him was emotionally detached, watching as if from outside of his own recently well-f.u.c.ked body as she told him exactly-exactly-what she knew he'd want to hear.

And that skeptical part of him needed to do a serious cross-examine. ”But I came to see you in January. And And February.” February.”

”You came to...?” She was convincingly confused. ”You mean...?”

”To Germany,” he clarified. ”I spoke to Anya.”

And now she was shaking her head, and laughing a little. ”I left Anya's right after Christmas. I got a job in Bremen. I told you that...” She rolled her eyes. ”In the letter you never got.”

Izzy was now shaking his head, too. ”Anya said you wouldn't see me. She didn't say that you weren't there.”

”That doesn't make any sense,” Eden insisted. ”Because I wasn't wasn't there.” there.”

”Yeah, well, I'm telling you that it happened.”

”I'm not saying that it didn't, I'm just saying-”

”I sent you e-mail,” Izzy told her, and it was hard to keep his tone from being accusatory, like she was the one with the crazy-a.s.s story that she was making up. Which she probably was.

And she knew what he was thinking. ”I'm not lying,” she said. ”I didn't get any e-mail from you.”

”Yeah, well, I sent it,” Izzy said. ”Practically weekly. How are you? I'm worried about you. Please call me just so I know you're okay... How are you? I'm worried about you. Please call me just so I know you're okay...”

”To what address?” Eden asked. ”I changed servers so often. And after I left Anya's, there were entire months when I didn't have Internet access. I still don't have regular-”

”One was AOL,” he said. ”Another was gmail. None of it bounced.”

She shook her head. ”I haven't signed on to those accounts since...I don't know when. The AOL address was...Well, Jerry and Richie both had it, so I adjusted it so that everything that wasn't from Danny or Ben went into my spam folder.”

Convenient. Blame it on her ex-boyfriend and his drug-dealing rapist-a.s.shole boss. ”I guess you didn't want to hear from me.”

”I didn't,” she admitted. ”Not at first.”

”So what'd your letter say?” Izzy asked. ”Merry Christmas. I've sufficiently recovered from Pinkie's death, so come f.u.c.k me? ”Merry Christmas. I've sufficiently recovered from Pinkie's death, so come f.u.c.k me?”

She went very still, just sitting there, looking down at her sneaker-clad feet.

”Sorry,” Izzy said. ”That was...unnecessarily harsh.”

”You think I'm lying,” she said quietly-her words a statement, not a question.

”Yeah, Eden,” he said, just as quietly. ”I do. I think you need help again, and I think I'm conveniently here, so you just jumped me.”

”Oh G.o.d,” she started, but he wasn't finished.

”And I don't just think it, I know know that that you you know that I am still so freaking attracted to you. Even after all the bulls.h.i.+t. Even-what is it?” He looked at the clock glowing dimly on the dash. ”Ten minutes after you screw me like there's no tomorrow and d.a.m.n near blow off the top of my head, I am unable to keep from thinking about a replay. In fact, I'm already planning it. Where: pick a hotel room, any hotel room. All you have to do is ask, and I'll get us a two-grand-a-night suite at Caesars Palace and it'll be worth every freaking penny. How: me on top this time, with your feet up by my ears, with the lights on so I can watch. When: as soon as humanly possible, because holy c.r.a.p, I'm already turned on again, just thinking about it. Feel free to grab hold of my lie detector to check.” know that I am still so freaking attracted to you. Even after all the bulls.h.i.+t. Even-what is it?” He looked at the clock glowing dimly on the dash. ”Ten minutes after you screw me like there's no tomorrow and d.a.m.n near blow off the top of my head, I am unable to keep from thinking about a replay. In fact, I'm already planning it. Where: pick a hotel room, any hotel room. All you have to do is ask, and I'll get us a two-grand-a-night suite at Caesars Palace and it'll be worth every freaking penny. How: me on top this time, with your feet up by my ears, with the lights on so I can watch. When: as soon as humanly possible, because holy c.r.a.p, I'm already turned on again, just thinking about it. Feel free to grab hold of my lie detector to check.”

She was silent, looking down at her feet again, pretending to try not to cry. Or maybe she was really trying not to cry. Either way, it didn't matter.

”So, that's what I want,” Izzy told her. ”Completely bulls.h.i.+t free. You need my help with this thing with Ben? You got it. Truth is, I would've helped you without the s.e.x, because I'm a sucker that way. But you played that card, sweetheart, so...Game on.”