Part 7 (2/2)
”No wonder,” replied the witty but relentless barrister, ”every one knows the older a _lamb_ grows the more _sheepish_ he becomes.”
A learned serjeant, since a judge, being once asked what he would do if a man owed him 10, and refused to pay him. ”Rather than bring an action, with its costs and uncertainty,” said he, ”I would send him a receipt in full of all demands.” ”Aye,” said he, recollecting himself, ”and I would moreover send him five pounds to cover possible costs.”
Sir William Jones and Thomas Day.--One day, upon removing some books at the chambers of the former, a large spider dropped upon the floor, upon which Sir William, with some warmth, said, ”Kill that spider, Day; kill that spider!” ”No,” said Mr. Day, with coolness, ”I will not kill that spider, Jones: I do not know that I have a right to kill that spider. Suppose, when you are going in your coach to Westminster Hall, a superior Being, who perhaps may have as much power over you as you have over this insect, should say to his companion, 'Kill that lawyer, kill that lawyer!' how should you like that, Jones? and I am sure, to most people, a lawyer is a more noxious animal than a spider.”
Sir Fletcher Norton was noted for his want of courtesy. When pleading before Lord Mansfield, on some question of manorial right, he chanced unfortunately to say, ”My lord, I can ill.u.s.trate the point in an instant in my own person: I myself have two little manors.” The judge immediately interposed, with one of his blandest smiles, ”We all know that, Sir Fletcher.”
The Stocks.--Lord Camden once presided at a trial in which a charge was brought against a magistrate for false imprisonment, and for putting the plaintiff in the stocks. The counsel for the magistrate, in his reply, said, the charges were trifling, particularly that of putting in the stocks, which everybody knew was no punishment at all. The chief justice rose, and leaning over the bench, said, in a half whisper, ”Brother, were you ever in the stocks?” ”In the stocks, my lord! no, never.” ”Then I have,” said his lords.h.i.+p, ”and I a.s.sure you, brother, it is no such trifle as you represent.” His lords.h.i.+p's knowledge of the stocks arose from the following circ.u.mstance. When he was on a visit to Lord Dacre, his brother-in-law, at Alveley in Ess.e.x, he walked out one day with a gentleman remarkable for his absence of mind. When they had reached a hill, at some distance from the house, his lords.h.i.+p sat down on the parish stocks, which stood by the road side; and after some time, asked his companion to open them, as he wished to know what kind of punishment it was; this being done, the absent gentleman took a book from his pocket, and sauntered about, until he forgot both the judge and his situation, and returned to Lord Dacre's house. When the judge was tired of the experiment he had so rashly made, he found himself unable to open the stocks, and asked a countryman who pa.s.sed by to a.s.sist him. ”No, no, old gentleman,” replied Hodge, ”you was not set there for nothing, I'll be bound!” Lord C. protested his innocence, but in vain; the countryman walked on, and left his lords.h.i.+p to meditate for some time longer in his foolish situation, until some of Lord Dacre's servants, chancing to pa.s.s that way, released him.
Hanging Judge.--Counsellor Grady, in a late trial in Ireland, said, he recollected to have heard of a relentless judge; he was known by the name of the Hanging Judge, and was never seen to shed a tear but once, and that was during the representation of _The Beggar's Opera_, when Macheath got a _reprieve!_
It was the same judge, we believe, between whom and Mr. Curran the following pa.s.s of wit once took place at table. ”Pray, Mr. Curran,” said the judge, ”is that hung beef beside you? If it is, I will try it.” ”If _you_ try it, my lord,” replied Mr. Curran, ”it is sure to be hung.”
Keep to the Point.--Lord Tenterden contracted such an inveterate habit of keeping himself and everybody else to the precise matter in hand, that once, during a circuit dinner, having asked a country magistrate if he would take venison, and receiving what he deemed an evasive reply, ”Thank you, my lord, I am going to take boiled chicken,” his lords.h.i.+p sharply retorted, ”That, sir, is no answer to my question; I ask you again if you will take venison, and I will trouble you to say yes or no, without further prevarication.”
Longs and Shorts.--There were two barristers at the Irish bar who formed a singular contrast in their statures. Ninian Mahaffy, Esq., was as much above the middle size as Mr. Collis was below it. When Lord Redesdale was Lord Chancellor of Ireland, these two gentlemen chanced to be retained in the same cause, a short time after his lords.h.i.+p's elevation, and before he was personally acquainted with the Irish bar. Mr. Collis was opening the motion, when the lord chancellor observed, ”Mr. Collis, when a barrister addresses the court, he must stand.” ”I am standing on the bench, my lord,”
said Collis. ”I beg a thousand pardons,” said his lords.h.i.+p, somewhat confused. ”Sit down, Mr. Mahaffy.” ”I am sitting, my lord,” was the reply to the confounded chancellor.
The Scotch bar had once to boast in Mr. Erskine, of Cardross, of a pleader quite as diminutive as Mr. Collis. He had usually a stool brought to him to stand upon when addressing the court, which gave occasion for a witty rival once to observe, that ”that was one way of rising at the bar.”
Lord Kaimes used to relate a story of a man who claimed the honour of his acquaintance on rather singular grounds. His lords.h.i.+p, when one of the justiciary judges, returning from the north circuit to Perth, happened one night to sleep at Dunkeld. The next morning, walking towards the ferry, but apprehending he had missed his way, he asked a man whom he met to conduct him. The other answered, with much cordiality, ”That I will do with all my heart, my lord. Does not your lords.h.i.+p remember me? My name's John ----, I have had the _honour_ to be before your lords.h.i.+p for stealing sheep!” ”Oh, John! I remember you well; and how is your wife? She had the honour to be before me too, for receiving them, knowing them to be stolen.” ”At your lords.h.i.+p's service. We were very lucky; we got off for want of evidence; and I am still going on in the butcher trade.” ”Then,” replied his lords.h.i.+p, ”we may have the _honour_ of meeting again.”
Sergeant Hill, who was much celebrated as a lawyer, and eminently qualified to find out a case in point on any disputed question, was somewhat remarkable for absence of mind, the result of that earnestness with which he devoted himself to his professional duties. On the very day when he was married, he had an intricate case in his mind, and forgot his engagement, until reminded of his waiting bride, and that the legal time of performing the ceremony had nearly elapsed. Being once on circuit, and having occasion to refer to a law authority, he had recourse as usual to his bag; but, to the astonishment of the court, instead of a volume of Viner's abridgment, he took out a specimen candlestick, the property of a Birmingham traveller, whose bag the learned sergeant had brought into court by mistake.
During the long vacation, the sergeant usually retired to his country seat at Rowell in Northamptons.h.i.+re. It happened, during one autumn, that some of the neighbouring sportsmen, among whom was the present Earl Spencer, being in pursuit of a fox, Reynard, who was hard pressed, took refuge in the court-yard of this venerable sage. At this moment the sergeant was reading a _case in point_, which decided that in a trespa.s.s of this kind the owners of the ground had a right to inflict the punishment of death. Mr. Hill accordingly gave orders for punis.h.i.+ng the fox, as an original trespa.s.ser, which was done instantly. The hunters now arrived with the hounds in full cry, and the foremost horseman, who antic.i.p.ated the glory of possessing the brush, was the first to behold his victim stretched lifeless on the ground, pinioned to the earth by plebeian pitchforks. The hunters were very anxious to discover the daring culprit who had presumed to deprive the field and the pack of their prey; when the venerable sergeant made his appearance, with his book in his hand, and offered to convince them that execution had taken place according to legal authority. The sportsmen got outrageous, but the learned sergeant was not intimidated; he knew the force of his authorities, and gravely invited the attention of his auditory to a case from one of the old reporters, that would have puzzled a whole bar of modern pract.i.tioners to controvert. The effect was ludicrous; the extraordinary appearance of the worthy sergeant, not in his bargown, but in what these adventurous mortals called a mere bedgown; the quaintness of his manner, the singularity of the occurrence, and the novelty of the incident, threw them completely out.
LIBRARIANS.
Budaeus, a very learned man, librarian to Francis the First of France, was one day engaged in deep study, when his servant came running to him in a great fright, to tell him that the house was on fire. ”Go,” said he, with perfect calmness, and hardly raising his eyes from his book, ”and inform your mistress, 'tis her concern, you know I never interfere in domestic matters.”
Knowledge.--The famous Duval, librarian to the Emperor Francis the First, often used to reply to questions that were put to him, ”I do not know.” An ignoramus one day said to him, ”But the emperor pays you for _knowing_.”
”The emperor,” he replied, ”pays me for what I know; if he were to pay me for what I am ignorant of, all the treasures of his empire would not be sufficient.”
Bautru, a celebrated French wit, being in Spain, went to visit the famous library of the Escurial, where he found a very ignorant librarian. The King of Spain asked him his opinion of it. ”It is an admirable one, indeed,”
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