Part 174 (2/2)

Tho' gross the air on earth I drew, 'Twas blessed, while she breathed it too; Tho' dark the flowers, tho' dim the sky, Love lent them light while she was nigh.

Throughout creation I but knew Two separate worlds--the _one_, that small, Beloved and consecrated spot Where LEA was--the other, all The dull, wide waste where she was _not_!

But vain my suit, my madness vain; Tho' gladly, from her eyes to gain One earthly look, one stray desire, I would have torn the wings that hung Furled at my back and o'er the Fire In GEHIM'S[4] pit their fragments flung;-- 'Twas hopeless all--pure and unmoved She stood as lilies in the light Of the hot noon but look more white;-- And tho' she loved me, deeply loved, 'Twas not as man, as mortal--no, Nothing of earth was in that glow-- She loved me but as one, of race Angelic, from that radiant place She saw so oft in dreams--that Heaven To which her prayers at morn were sent And on whose light she gazed at even, Wis.h.i.+ng for wings that she might go Out of this shadowy world below To that free, glorious element!

Well I remember by her side Sitting at rosy even-tide, When,--turning to the star whose head Lookt out as from a bridal bed, At that mute, blus.h.i.+ng hour,--she said, ”Oh! that it were my doom to be ”The Spirit of yon beauteous star, ”Dwelling up there in purity, ”Alone as all such bright things are;-- ”My sole employ to pray and s.h.i.+ne, ”To light my censer at the sun, ”And cast its fire towards the shrine ”Of Him in heaven, the Eternal One!”

So innocent the maid, so free From mortal taint in soul and frame, Whom 'twas my crime--my destiny-- To love, ay, burn for, with a flame To which earth's wildest fires are tame.

Had you but seen her look when first From my mad lips the avowal burst; Not angered--no!--the feeling came From depths beyond mere anger's flame-- It was a _sorrow_ calm as deep, A mournfulness that could not weep, So filled her heart was to the brink, So fixt and frozen with grief to think That angel natures--that even I Whose love she clung to, as the tie Between her spirit and the sky-- Should fall thus headlong from the height Of all that heaven hath pure and bright!

That very night--my heart had grown Impatient of its inward burning; The term, too, of my stay was flown, And the bright Watchers near the throne.

Already, if a meteor shone Between them and this nether zone, Thought 'twas their herald's wing returning.

Oft did the potent spell-word, given To Envoys. .h.i.ther from the skies, To be p.r.o.nounced when back to heaven It is their time or wish to rise, Come to my lips that fatal day; And once too was so nearly spoken, That my spread plumage in the ray And breeze of heaven began to play;-- When my heart failed--the spell was broken-- The word unfinisht died away, And my checkt plumes ready to soar, Fell slack and lifeless as before.

How could I leave a world which she, Or lost or won, made all to me?

No matter where my wanderings were, So there she lookt, breathed, moved about-- Woe, ruin, death, more sweet with her, Than Paradise itself, without!

But to return--that very day A feast was held, where, full of mirth, Came--crowding thick as flowers that play In summer winds--the young and gay And beautiful of this bright earth.

And she was there and mid the young And beautiful stood first, alone; Tho' on her gentle brow still hung The shadow I that morn had thrown-- The first that ever shame or woe Had cast upon its vernal snow.

My heart was maddened;--in the flush Of the wild revel I gave way To all that frantic mirth--that rush Of desperate gayety which they, Who never felt how pain's excess Can break out thus, think happiness!

Sad mimicry of mirth and life Whose flashes come but from the strife Of inward pa.s.sions--like the light Struck out by clas.h.i.+ng swords in fight.

Then too that juice of earth, the bane And blessing of man's heart and brain-- That draught of sorcery which brings Phantoms of fair, forbidden things-- Whose drops like those of rainbows smile Upon the mists that circle man, Brightening not only Earth the while, But grasping Heaven too in their span!-- Then first the fatal wine-cup rained Its dews of darkness thro' my lips, Casting whate'er of light remained To my lost soul into eclipse; And filling it with such wild dreams, Such fantasies and wrong desires, As in the absence of heaven's beams Haunt us for ever--like wildfires That walk this earth when day retires.

Now hear the rest;--our banquet done, I sought her in the accustomed bower, Where late we oft, when day was gone And the world husht, had met alone, At the same silent, moonlight hour.

Her eyes as usual were upturned To her loved star whose l.u.s.tre burned Purer than ever on that night; While she in looking grew more bright As tho' she borrowed of its light.

There was a virtue in that scene, A spell of holiness around, Which had my burning brain not been Thus maddened would have held me bound, As tho' I trod celestial ground.

Even as it was, with soul all flame And lips that burned in their own sighs, I stood to gaze with awe and shame-- The memory of Eden came Full o'er me when I saw those eyes; And tho' too well each glance of mine To the pale, shrinking maiden proved How far, alas! from aught divine, Aught worthy of so pure a shrine, Was the wild love with which I loved, Yet must she, too, have seen--oh yes, 'Tis soothing but to _think_ she saw The deep, true, soul-felt tenderness, The homage of an Angel's awe To her, a mortal, whom pure love Then placed above him--far above-- And all that struggle to repress A sinful spirit's mad excess, Which workt within me at that hour, When with a voice where Pa.s.sion shed All the deep sadness of her power, Her melancholy power--I said, ”Then be it so; if back to heaven ”I must unloved, unpitied fly.

”Without one blest memorial given ”To soothe me in that lonely sky; ”One look like those the young and fond ”Give when they're parting--which would be, ”Even in remembrance far beyond ”All heaven hath left of bliss for me!

”Oh, but to see that head recline ”A minute on this trembling arm, ”And those mild eyes look up to mine, ”Without a dread, a thought of harm!

”To meet but once the thrilling touch ”Of lips too purely fond to fear me-- ”Or if that boon be all too much, ”Even thus to bring their fragrance near me!

”Nay, shrink not so--a look--a word-- ”Give them but kindly and I fly; ”Already, see, my plumes have stirred ”And tremble for their home on high.

”Thus be our parting--cheek to cheek-- ”One minute's lapse will be forgiven, ”And thou, the next, shalt hear me speak ”The spell that plumes my wing for heaven!”

While thus I spoke, the fearful maid, Of me and of herself afraid, Had shrinking stood like flowers beneath The scorching of the south-wind's breath: But when I named--alas, too well, I now recall, tho' wildered then,-- Instantly, when I named the spell Her brow, her eyes uprose again; And with an eagerness that spoke The sudden light that o'er her broke, ”The spell, the spell!--oh, speak it now.

”And I will bless thee!” she exclaimed-- Unknowing what I did, inflamed, And lost already, on her brow I stampt one burning kiss, and named The mystic word till then ne'er told To living creature of earth's mould!

Scarce was it said when quick a thought, Her lips from mine like echo caught The holy sound--her hands and eyes Were instant lifted to the skies, And thrice to heaven she spoke it out With that triumphant look Faith wears, When not a cloud of fear or doubt, A vapor from this vale of tears.

Between her and her G.o.d appears!

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