Part 10 (2/2)
She watched the child race off, arms and legs wheeling. Gram Ellie looked up and joined her at the carriage.
Dana was wondering if Ali would notice the baby's complexion, when David approached. He wore a polo s.h.i.+rt and khakis, clearly taking time off from work now that his daughter had come.
”This could be awkward,” he said. ”Ali is going to want to spend time over there with you, but your husband won't be happy.”
With customary ease, Dana gave his arm a fond shake. ”Hugh adores Ali.”
”He did once, but then he liked me, too. You know he thinks that's my baby, don't you?”
”Did he say that?” Dana asked, embarra.s.sed. ”I'm sorry. He's not himself.”
”Maybe he is,” David charged. ”Maybe what we see now is the real Hugh-and that wouldn't be the exception to the rule. Know how many people believe in racial equality until an African-American family wants to move in next door? Know how many people believe in affirmative action until their kid gets rejected by the same college that accepts a black kid with lower scores?”
”David-”
His tone softened. ”Know how often I wished you were my wife? Maybe Hugh sensed that, but you and I both know I never touched you.” His face crumbled. ”Christ, you never looked at me the way you look at him. What's he thinking?”
”He's not,” Dana said, and, for a split second, wondered if David was either. Know how often I wished you were my wife? She didn't want to hear that, so she focused on what David had said about Hugh, and wondered if it was true. She had always believed Hugh to be a man of conviction, but if that was so, she didn't know how to explain his reaction to Lizzie's birth.
”Is he taking it out on you?” David asked.
Dana didn't mention the paternity test. It was too humiliating. Instead, she looked out over the water and sighed. ”I'm not sure who's doing what to whom. We're still living in two-hour s.h.i.+fts, and between tiredness and newness, things are weird.”
”Is he helping? I would, Dana. For all else that I did wrong in my marriage, I did help with Ali.”
Dana looked at him. ”What did you do wrong?”
”I put my work ahead of my wife's. I put Ali before her. I treated her like a maid.”
”Deliberately?”
”No,” he said with a wry twist of his lips. ”Was it subconscious? Maybe. My mother's mother was a maid. My mother was a teacher, but she did all the housework at home. So was I thinking that it would be fair turnaround if my white wife cleaned toilets?” He shrugged. ”Truly, she just had more time than I did.”
”Were you faithful?” Dana asked. It was something Hugh would be wondering.
David glanced over at Ali. She was moving the carriage forward and back under the guidance of Ellie Jo. ”Is Ali going to wake the baby?”
”No. She's fine. Were you, David?”
He was a minute in answering. ”I was faithful right up until the end. By that time, Ali was about the only thing Susan and I shared. I was way too busy and way too lonely. There was a one-night thing. Susan found out. That was it. She filed for divorce the next day. It was like she was just waiting for an excuse. Infidelity was more acceptable than racial incompatibility.”
”Racial incompatibility?” Dana asked. ”Explain.”
”I think she had second thoughts.”
”About marrying an African American? Was that really it?”
”Maybe not,” he conceded. ”Maybe it was my imagination. I was a surgeon, she was a nurse. She kept telling people-kept joking-that she married up. But she said it one too many times. Her friends-our friends-were mostly white. I got to feeling that she needed to explain to people why she had agreed to marry me.”
”That sounds like your insecurity.”
”Maybe.”
”What about Ali? Does your wife apologize for her?”
”No. She thinks Ali is the best kid on the block-smartest, prettiest-and she doesn't hesitate to brag. So is that overcompensation, too?”
”No. She is the best,” Dana said, knowing she was biased. ”You're being hypersensitive, David.”
”Well, in any case, they live in Manhattan. Half the kids in her school are non-Caucasian, so it isn't an issue.”
”Will she notice Lizzie's color?”
”Probably not. Color isn't high on her list of priorities. She doesn't feel different in any way.”
”Do you worry she will?”
He took a tempering breath. ”Yeah, I worry. If she falls for a white guy, his parents may not be thrilled. My wife's parents weren't thrilled.” He cleared his throat. ”We played up the surgeon part for them.”
”Are they close to Ali?”
”Yes. They could see their daughter in her right from the start. Give your in-laws time, Dana. Right now, Lizzie's a thing. All infants are. Once she develops a personality, they'll fall for her. They won't be able to help themselves.”
”You mean, they'll love her in spite of themselves?” Dana said dryly. ”Just because she doesn't look like a Clarke-”
”It isn't that,” he broke in. ”There wouldn't be a problem if she looked exactly like you. The problem,” he said, ”is her color.”
Dana hated the sound of that. ”Is this what her life will be like-that color is the first thing people see? What happened to political correctness?”
”It's an ideal. But h.e.l.l, it's pretty stupid when a guy robs a bank and the cops say they're looking for someone six-one, dark hair, lanky build, last seen wearing jeans and a red jacket. Shouldn't skin color be included? Isn't that part of the physical description? And don't tell me the bank teller didn't notice.” His voice rose in pa.s.sion. ”It's such an obvious exclusion, that the motive speaks for itself. So, yeah, color's the first thing people see. It's always the first thing they see. Anyone who says he doesn't is lying.”
”You're upset. Hugh did this.”
”No, Dana. I'm telling you what it's about.”
”For your daughter? For mine?”
”For both. It's always there in the wings.”
”I've never heard that from you before,” she said.
”We've never discussed this before.”
Dana realized it was true. David had always been just David. ”Was there a time in your life when you weren't aware of color?” she asked.
”As a discriminatory thing? Sure. When I was little. My father was white. One of my brothers looked exactly like him. So in our house, skin color was like hair color, just another physical trait.”
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