Chapter 2 (2/2)

My goals and commitments were all pushed away with pleasure, and I shook wildly as the man moved.

I enjoyed the overwhelming sensation that was forcibly poured out.

Now, nothing came to mind except the man who pressed his body on top of me.

This wasn’t it…….

S*x was just a way to find my memories.

Primal pleasure was only allowed for men, and I shouldn’t have enjoyed it.

I didn’t come here to share my feelings and pleasure with him.

I could feel the liquid from him and mine dripping down my buttocks every time the lodged pillar came out.

I closed my eyes as I gazed at the frantically shaking ceiling.

As the memories of the present piled up one by one, the past sank into a dark place.

Was the method I chose wrong?

But even if I could turn back time and go back to yesterday, I would have set foot in the realm of men again.

I was pushed to a dead end cliff.

The more the tragedy-like reality squeezed my neck, the more impatient I became.

I did not know the content of the play in which I was the main character.

If life consists of three acts, in act one, the melody of an orchestra like a bird’s chirping resounded, and the girls dressed in bright spring clothes danced Coppelia’s ballet and filled the stage of my life with vitality.

I believed that the energy of that midday girl would last forever.

In the middle of act 1.

I did not know that the last page of the play would have been unfolded after just one blackout.

And I didn’t even know that the curtain call of my life would be a concert of bloody screams and roars.

***

Ha, maybe this is good.

Tick ​​tock, tick tock…… Even though the sound of the second hand pressed against my heart, I couldn’t fall asleep.

This insomnia was due to overwhelming excitement and anticipation.

“I have to sleep now if I don’t want to be late for tomorrow’s departure time.”

Oh, did I pack everything without missing anything?

My mother said she would send a change of clothes later, so I brought all the books, my pharmaceutical research notes and expenses…And the diary, um…… I tried to count them meticulously as I folded my fingers one by one.

There was nothing missing from the list I had written down a week ago.

After lying quietly, I jumped up and overturned my bag four times, and checked my luggage more than ten times in my head.

Still, I couldn’t sleep easily.

Wiggling my toes, I pictured in my head the life of studying abroad that would unfold brilliantly.

It was a study abroad experience that I had insisted on my parents for a year.

As the only daughter, they were parents who listened to me and gave me unreserved love for anything I wanted, but as soon as the words ‘I want to go to study abroad’ came out of my mouth, they took back the smile on their face for the first time.

At first, they said, ‘You’re only 15 years old, what kind of study abroad is it?’.

‘Even after the coming-of-age ceremony is over, it’s never too late to go.’ My parents, who comforted me, raised their voices as I persisted without breaking my will.

To my parents, I still look like a ten-year-old child sleeping with a teddy bear.

I am already fifteen years old.

Julie, who attends the same academy, said that she is going to study abroad next month to study in-depth.

Julie is the same age as me, and even my birthday is three months earlier, so why can’t I?

The problem was that my parents wrapped me in their arms too much.

‘I want to study abroad, I want to go.’

Because of this one word, me and my parents fought a cold war for a year.

I mobilized all means to study abroad.

Refusing to talk to parents, fasting.

Even the baptism of tears day and night.

Only then did I get the answer from my parents, ‘Just for half a year.’

I felt that the period of study abroad was too short for what I had achieved after a year of struggle, but if I show them that I am doing well without any major difficulties, they will gladly extend the period.

“Oh, I’m excited.”

After tossing and turning in bed for a while, the gloomy dawn began to seep into the room, and only then did my eyelids become heavy.

“Tomorrow, finally…….”

With a smile full of satisfaction, I slipped into the unconscious world.