Part 26 (1/2)

Still, she did nothing.

Sammy. Sammy. I hope you're at peace. I'm so sorry.

Oh, G.o.d, I miss him. The house was so quiet. It was as if a part of her heart had been carved away. A piece of her life ... gone. The house was so quiet. It was as if a part of her heart had been carved away. A piece of her life ... gone.

Seventeen years old. He never got to manhood, never got to fulfill the promise she'd seen in him: the kindness, the sense of reverence for the world and all living things. He'd have been a great father. The raw hollowing inside her wouldn't go away. It gnawed and sc.r.a.ped.

Selena peered west out the window, wiping her eyes and wondered where Theo was. If he was safe. What he and that old man Lou were doing, and whether they would ever return.

He'd insinuated himself into the household, into her life, and she missed him too.

Why did I send him away again?

And yet, when she closed her eyes, she saw his dark face, tight with fury and intent, his eyes flas.h.i.+ng violence. She saw the spraying of flesh and blood, felt the stirring of the air as he spun and clubbed and fought the monsters.

How could she ever get beyond that, when that same violence stirred inside her?

Selena turned from the window and the glowing orange eyes beyond the walls. She ignored her bed to go down the stairs and check on one of her patients.

Sleep was something rare and fitful now.

Reggie Blanchard's breathing was shallow and labored, and she sat with him, watching the gray fog swirl and mist gently above him. Even in the night, the silvery glint was evident, catching whatever bit of illumination was available. He was an old man, perhaps as old as Vonnie; and he was merely wearing down, easing from life into death. He'd been living in Yellow Mountain, working as a metalsmith for the last two years, since his wife died in Selena's care. Now she and his sister waited for him, hovering with the blue glow of the afterlife, in the corner, as the guides often did. Waiting.

Selena stared into nothing, enveloped by numbness and apathy, holding his large, gnarled hand.

And threading through the night was the sound of moans in the distance. ”Ruuu-uuuthhhhh.” ”Ruuu-uuuthhhhh.”

Mom.

At first she thought she was dreaming, that she'd finally found sleep. The sound was in her head, buried in her mind, and yet she looked up, searching. And there he was. Sammy Sammy.

In the corner, hovering with Reggie's wife and sister. The two women smiled at Selena, but she barely noticed.

I told you I wouldn't really leave you.

”Hi, Sammy. I miss you.” Tears stung her eyes and she looked at him, hardly able to see any detail when she focused hard, except his eyes. Nevertheless, she knew it was him.

I miss you too. And I'm worried about you.

”I'll be all right. It takes time.”

Reggie is going to go soon. We're here to help him, Mrs. Blanchard and me. He was always nice to me when I saw him in town.

”So is this your new job? Helping bring people over to the other side?” She felt a little smile waver at the corner of her mouth.

Like mother, like son. I'll be around to help sometimes. Like a conduit.

”Are you all right?”

Yes. You can't imagine what it's like here.

”Then that's all I can ask, hm?”

Mom. Try to start living again.

She frowned, tried to hold back the sting of tears. ”I don't know if I know how.”

They tell me you have to figure it out.

Easier said than done, she thought. she thought.

I have to go now. I'll be back later to help with Mr. Blanchard.

”Okay. I love you.”

I love you too.

When Selena opened her eyes again, it was still dark. And the zombies still groaned beyond the walls. Her crystal still glowed upstairs in its box.

She stared at the corner where Sammy had been and her heart squeezed.

Try to start living again, Mom.

She visualized herself going up, getting her crystal, slinging it around her neck, and walking out of the grounds. She closed her eyes and felt the zombies surge toward her; she could almost smell their foul stench, and feel the desperate clawing of their hands grabbing for her.

And then she saw herself exploding into a vicious whirlwind, smas.h.i.+ng and hitting and clubbing at them, over and over and over until they were all piles of b.l.o.o.d.y bones and flesh.

She saw the hopeful light die from their eyes, the orange glow disappear as they collapsed at her feet.

Her stomach churned and rebelled, and she staggered to her feet, using Reggie's bed for stability, and ran for the toilet. When she lifted her face, wiping her mouth, her cheeks were wet from tears of confusion, frustration, and fear.

And Vonnie was standing there, looking down at her with worry and grief.

”Selena,” she said, helping her to her feet. ”Are you all right?”

I don't know if I'll ever be all right again. ”Thanks. I'm fine. Just ... not feeling too well.” ”Thanks. I'm fine. Just ... not feeling too well.”

”Do you want to talk about it?” asked the only mother she'd ever known.

Selena shook her head, and at that moment, she realized the only person she wanted to talk to was Theo.

And he was gone.

Chapter 16.

A week after they left Yellow Mountain, driving in the Humvee that they'd retrieved from the ditch and running it on solar-charged battery power, Theo and Lou finally got a break. They'd been spending the last few days making larger concentric circles around the settlement, looking for any signs of recent Humvee tracks or any other evidence of the bounty hunters or the two missing people from the settlement.