Part 20 (2/2)

She pounded the mortar down into the henna paste and a headache began to pound behind my eyes. ”Perhaps it's better that we not speak of things upon which we'll never agree, Majesty.”

”I have no choice but to go. You were with me in Rome. You know.”

She stopped stirring the paste. ”I know that you suffered in Rome as I've never seen you suffer. You were so sad and afraid. I can't be glad that you'll return to those people. I go with you only because Isidora must go.”

Chryssa appeared in my doorway, giving a delicate snort. ”Tala's going with us so she can spend time with her s.h.i.+p's captain. Hope she doesn't shame you with scandalous behavior.”

Tala glared at Chryssa, but as it happened, I cared nothing about scandals with s.h.i.+p's captains. ”Chryssa, you've made a place for yourself here as a freedwoman. You have a chance at happiness with Maysar. You don't have to go with me to Greece.”

”I've always wanted to visit Greece,” she said, checking my strongboxes to make sure they were locked. ”Besides, you have too many young, inexperienced girls tending to you. I don't trust any of them to style you properly.”

I rubbed at my temples. ”You're not an ornatrix anymore. You preside over a royal monopoly. What you've done with the Gaetulian purple makes you as important as any minister in any other royal court.”

Chryssa's voice changed then. It went deeper and filled with emotion. ”I want them to see me. Livia. Augustus. I want them to see me standing upright and not cowering. I want them to see me wearing jewels that I own. I want them to see me as a freedwoman. Cleopatra Antonia.n.u.s.”

I wanted her with me, so why did I discourage her? ”Even the well-born cower before Augustus. Slave, freedwoman, or queen, remember that the emperor and his wife can do us harm.”

But Chryssa wouldn't be dissuaded. She'd come with me, and Tala would come too. Next, I sent for the hetaera and she dipped gracefully before me. ”Lady Circe,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose, for my headache had only worsened, ”I'd like for you to accompany me to Greece.”

This seemed to have surprised her as much as it did my other servants. Her painted eyes went wide, and for a moment, I thought she'd refuse. ”Will you leave the king no comfort at all?”

If she were still my husband's lover, she'd been remarkably discreet. I dared not leave her behind. ”The king's comfort isn't my foremost concern. Furthermore, I was led to understand that you'd taken up a vocation as an academic. Will you travel with me or no?”

We both pretended she had a choice. ”Are you sure you wish to have a hetaera in your retinue, Majesty?”

”I won't. I'll have a grammarian. Princess Isidora needs a teacher.”

”She's still a very little girl,” Circe said.

”But already speaking three languages. Ptolemies are educated at the youngest possible age.”

This was all true, but subterfuge, and Circe wasn't fooled. ”Ah, education. I suppose one can never be too young, or too old, to learn.”

The pain in my head made me impatient. ”I'm going to be the Queen of Egypt.”

”So everyone says,” she replied. ”But very little in life is without a price.”

So, we understood one another, and I found myself grateful not to have to spell it out. She'd told me that we could learn from one another. Hopefully, in Greece, I wouldn't be required to put this to the test.

ON the morning of our leave-taking, I went to my private shrine to pray for a safe journey. Euphronius had taught me to kiss the back of my hand and display it to Isis as a gesture of welcome and to burn sage in offering. I did these things and lit candles too, so absorbed in my devotions I was startled to look up and find Juba standing in the doorway. He never came here, never even acknowledged the shrine-whether it was to forestall criticism from Rome or to leave me a sanctuary, I never knew. Now here he stood, shoulders slumped, head low, his hair unbarbered. ”Don't go, Selene.”

My senses were still hazy with ritual devotion. ”What?”

”Don't go,” Juba repeated, coming to my side. ”Stay here, in Mauretania.”

I swallowed. ”You, of all people, can't expect me to defy Augustus.”

Dark circles under his eyes told me he hadn't slept. ”You're the only one who can defy him, Selene. Delay. Wait until autumn, when the sea closes, and we'll say the dispatch arrived too late for travel.” Such deception wasn't beyond me, but it shocked me that Juba should suggest it, and here in this sacred s.p.a.ce no less. I'm afraid my mouth hung open. ”Listen to me, Selene. I have a plan. If you were with child, he wouldn't make you go. If you were with child . . . with my child . . . he might not want you anymore.”

I remembered the emperor's reaction to my maidenhead and how much pleasure it gave him to know he was the only man to have me. If I were to give myself to Juba, it might break the emperor's fascination, and a part of me seized upon this as the solution to everything. Then I thought of those statues I'd commissioned, my mother, my brothers, all those who'd died, and I came to my senses. ”It would ruin everything, Juba. I'd lose everything.”

His head fell back and he closed his eyes. ”Don't tell me that you haven't come to love Mauretania. Can't your ambitions be satisfied with this new kingdom we're building? That's all that drives you. Ambition. You can't have conceived a true pa.s.sion for Augustus, so why can't you stay? Tell me what stands between me and your heart, and I'll conquer it.”

This kind of talk frightened me. ”I cannot abandon Egypt. Especially not when she is at war!”

”You worry needlessly for Egypt. I have it on the best authority that the Kandake of Meroe will send amba.s.sadors to negotiate a peace treaty with Augustus.”

This news was a lightning bolt, electrifying my blood until every hair stood on end. Tingling everywhere, I scarcely trusted myself to speak. ”Meroe will send a delegation to Augustus? To the Isle of Samos?”

Juba tilted his head, eyes wide with confusion. ”So I'm told. The Kandake herself may go.”

Any hesitation, any doubt, that I might answer the emperor's summons vanished. For Isidora's sake, I might embrace a life with Juba, but Egypt and Helios stood between us. If the warrior queen of Meroe was to join Augustus, so must I. I must see her with my own eyes. I must search her retainers for even a glimpse of my twin. I'd leave for Greece today and not all the sincerity in Juba's eyes would stop me.

Twenty-eight.

GREECE SPRING 21 B.C.

EXCEPT for the billowing purple sails on my s.h.i.+p, my arrival on the Isle of Samos was without fanfare. No cherubic children threw flower petals from the prow. No harpists played at the rail. My ladies were all well turned out and sweet-smelling but eschewed the more exotic perfumes. I scandalized no one with my dress, for my voluminous purple cloak covered me from shoulder to ankle. Let no one claim that I'd answered the summons of Augustus with a notorious campaign to seduce him, even if it was the truth.

Captain Kabyle dropped anchor and my guards escorted me to sh.o.r.e. A deep breath a.s.sured me that this place wasn't like Rome or Egypt or Mauretania. Peeking out between the foliage were beach houses, shops and villas, some painted in washed-out pastels, accented with the occasional blue or terra-cotta. Samos was the birthplace of Pythagoras, that great philosopher and mathematician. There was even a school here to honor him and a contingent of Lady Lasthenia's colleagues stumbled over themselves to make me feel welcome. They weren't my subjects, but I was Cleopatra's daughter. My mother and father visited this island before the Battle of Actium. They feasted and entertained so lavishly on the eve of battle that the people antic.i.p.ated a great victory. Now I had returned to wage a war of my own. ”Great Queen Cleopatra! New Isis, New Isis!” the people cried.

Could the emperor hear them chant? Would it please him or harden his heart against me?

As a girl in Rome, my survival had depended upon my ability to predict his moods and guess at his next moves, but my time in Mauretania had obviously dulled my skills, for I certainly never antic.i.p.ated that he'd send Livia to fetch me. ”Welcome to the Isle of Samos, Queen Selene,” she said with her least genuine smile. ”I've come to invite you to stay at our villa. You and your darling little daughter.”

Livia's pleasantries were meant for our audience-the crowds and curious onlookers who gathered near the docks. Even so, her invitation was an honor that I couldn't refuse, so I took Isidora's hand and we climbed into Livia's litter. The moment the curtains shut, Livia's smile faded. ”Listen to them cheer you, the half-wits. I'm the one who asked Augustus to restore this island to selfgovernance, and yet you are the darling of the h.e.l.lenes.”

”Perhaps they cheer me to please you,” I remarked as Isidora nestled against my hip, fists curled under her chin as exhaustion closed her little eyes. ”We're allegedly family, after all.”

Livia stared at my daughter's fair curls, not bothering to hide her scrutiny. ”She doesn't even look like him, you know.”

My daughter seemed to already be asleep, but I wished to forestall this line of conversation at all costs. ”Livia-”

”She's probably a sailor's get.” Livia lowered her hands to the crimson cus.h.i.+ons beneath us and let her nails dig in. ”No matter how modestly you dress, you're still a strumpet, Selene. Still, Augustus will never see it, because men are fools.” It rea.s.sured me to find her still full of petty insults and animosity, for if Augustus intended to punish me, Livia would have been gleeful. Instead, she was behaving like the woman who had stolen the emperor from Julia's mother and now feared that I'd steal him from her. ”Last year, you ran from him, Selene. That was clever. You've learned to tease him but that game cannot go on forever. Eventually, you must surrender, and when you do, what do you think will happen?”

Lifting my chin, I met her gaze. ”I think he'll make me Queen of Egypt.”

She laughed, throwing her head back. ”As if that would be enough for you.”

<script>