Vol 1 Chapter 7 (1/2)
Chapter 07
The Revolving Rock
Part One
Before I knew it, I had gotten run down, both socially and emotionally;
it was that kind of summer Before I knew it, I had been locked in a kind
of cage, with no hope for escape; it was that sort of July I tried calling,
”Help —not love, dreams, hope, effort, friendshi+p, or
victory—could save me I was in real trouble
At least Yah
he was shouting, ”Arghhh! Don't screw around with me,” at least he had
so about his family's business
since he was little
”I'll get out of this shi+tty countryside and make a name for myself in
the big city! Y-y-you hypocrites! Just watch and I'll show you all! I have
talent! I may not knohat kind of talent, but I have it!”
Before I could confirm the existence of my own talent, it seemed as if
The Revolving Rock
121
fate would force me to return to the countryside, as well The
countryside, with its bizarre fa smiles, redneck punks,
roads made unnecessarily wide by local politicians, and only one
convenience storeI was going to have to make a U-turn back to the
awful, crappy countryside I contemplated this destination with heartfelt
regret
I shouted in a beautifully manly way, too ”Waaaahhh! It's terrible,
terrible, terrible!” I didn't know exactly as terrible; for now,
though, so certainly was terrible In fact, so s
were happening that I couldn't see any way to fix them
For one thing, my allowance from home finally stopped Even so, for
soh I had been
worn down, I still couldn't go outside My title as a ”high-level
hikikoe
expenses at the least, or else I ht be chased out of my apartment as
early as to
With
that, I sold erator, TV,
computer, kotatsu, and bed to a secondhand shop near my house I also
tried selling
ht myself a little
more time
Slightly more secure, boredom became the main problem Both
Ya it occupied most of our
attention ”What should I do? I have nothing to do”
I conferred with Yamazaki
He see face down on his
Welcome to the NHK
122
apartment floor, he whispered unenthusiastically, ”I'm not in as
desperate a position as you, Satou—yet for some reason, I can't calm
down Even if we are escaping from reality, I'd like to be able to do it in a
rejuvenating way, if possible”
Escaping froood idea came to
, that's what people do in their fleering youth,
right?”
”Yeah”
”And speaking of fleeting, that reminds me of rock”
I shook Yaht, rock and
roll! sex, drugs, and violence!”
Ya
loudly, ”I see! That's fantastic! Speaking of rock and roll, I really respect
Jerry Lee Lewis”
”Who's that?”
”He's the lolicon rocker who, defying social convention, married his
thirteen-year-old cousin, iant of the lolicon
world His way of life was truly anti-establishment! Great balls of Fire!”
We decided that our thes, and
violence” If we steered our lives in that direction, we ht be able to
spend every day in a etic and happily youthful way At least,
that was our hope, and we clung to it
The Revolving Rock
123
sex
Speaking of sex, it's not forof ”not for
a on
his erotic game Why? No one could possibly know, but it seemed sad It
was lonely That was all I knew I had no idea why, but it made me want
to cry
Drugs
Using the ht some
serious drugs
”These are all legal!” Yamazaki complained
I hung my head ”What else can I do? There's no way I could buy
illegal drugs by mail For a hikikomori, this is the best I can do”'
”Pathetic That's so lame”
Violence
Finally, Ya in my six-mat, one room
apartment In the middle of the empty room, we faced each other in
fighting stances I imitated Bruce Lee, whom I had recently seen on TV
Ya the crane pose
Welcome to the NHK
124
Then, we tried to beat up each other As soon as we started, though,
I slipped on the floor and fell I hit the back of my head as hard as
possible The pain brought tears to my eyes
”This isn't fun at all,” Yamazaki complained
”Don't say that”
”It just makes me feel even more empty I know! Should we do this at
the park?”
”Beforehand, let's do the drugs, as we already have them Don't make
fun of theal They still work pretty well We'll
have a good time”
Actually, the drugs did work In fact, the trip was so bad, I thought I
would die
I thought that maybe I should die
Part Two
However, I didn't die
Ia dismal hikikomori life At the moment, however,
I did technically, have plans tofell and all
traces of other people had disappeared outside my apartment, I filled my
stomach with a late dinner When it was dark, I set off toward the
neighborhood park The suood
I sat on a bench and looked up at the moon and stars in the sky A
black cat sauntered leisurely in front of me His eyes flashed with the
reflection of streetlights
Ah, it's night It certainly was night
The Revolving Rock
125
Misaki materialized, there in the park
”You're late” She had been creaking the swing back and forth when
noticing etically jumped off The black cat crept over to
where she stood, and Misaki picked it up The cat meowed but didn't
struggle
”Good girl I'll give you some canned food, okay?” Misaki pulled cat
food out of the bag on her back Apparently, she'd been feeding the cat
every night ”Cats are great, don't you think?”
”What's great about them?”
”Cats just seem to be content wherever, whenever, even if they'd
alone”
I didn't quite comprehend what she meant, but I tried to answer her
appropriately ”Cats don't really understand gratitude”
”I know”
”It'll forget all about you soon, Misaki Investing in cat food is such a
waste”
”As long as I give the cat what it wants, it'll be fine She'll remember
ht, right?” She
gently stroked the cat's back as it gobbled down the food When it
finished eating, it slowly strolled away into the bushes
We sat down on the bench Misaki took her ”secret notebook” out of
her bag And so, tonight, the first counseling session on escaping from
hikikoan
Misaki had called it ”counseling” From the very first, her actions and
words had been ht it was some kind
Welcome to the NHK
126
of joke However, it seemed she'd been serious
”You're late It says in the contract that you'll co
dinner, remember?”
”I just ate dinner—”
”My family eats dinner at seven o'clock”
How the hell should I know that?! I wanted to yell, bur I held it back
”Well, starting toin
your first 'escaping hikiko session now, okay? Here,
have a seat”
I moved next to her on the bench, as instructed Misaki sat beside
to face me
The park at nightno one else was there What in the world was
about to start? What did she plan to do? I was a little nervous Misaki
put down the huge bag she carried and started ru around inside
it
Whispering so like, ”Oh, here it is, here it is,” she pulled out
a college-ruled notebook On the cover, ”Secret Notebook” had been
written in black marker
”What's that?” I asked
”A secret notebook”
”Like I said, 'what's that?'”
”Uhit's a secret notebook” Misaki opened the secret notebook
and flipped through pages she'd marked ”Well then, I'll start the lecture
now?”
Backlit by the street lamps, her face wasn't visible The tone of her
voice was serious, though Not understanding as going on, I
gulped deeply
The Revolving Rock
127
Misaki started her lecture ”Uin with an outline of the
hikikomori Okay, what causes someone to become a hikikomori? Do
you know, Satou? Hht You dropped
out of college, so there's no way your mind could answer this difficult
question, Satou I know I' for my GED
right now I study five hours every day Good of ht? Ha ha ha”
She laughed a littleto the
results of my research, not just hikikomori, but all emotional problems
are caused by an inability to conform to one's environment Basically,
because you can't get along ith the world, various difficulties
arise”
Misaki turned to the next page ”Long ago, we huht of
with the world For example, take the
idea of Gods There are all kinds of Gods Even in japan alone, there are
eight ht million? That's a little excessive, isn't it? Is
this true? W-well, anyway, there are many Gods in the world, and it
see of quite a lot of people, like those at a
church gathering Those people who can't be saved by Gods think of
other means For example, philosophy”
Misaki began digging around in her bag again After sticking her
head inside the enor
for, ”Oh, here it is Here you go” Pulling out some sort of book, the
handed it to me The title of the book was Sophie's World
”This is kind of hard, so I didn't really understand it, but it seems
that this one book can teach you everything you need to know about
philosophy I borrowed it from the library, so read it by tomorrow
okay?”
Welcome to the NHK
128
Nonplussed, I took the book I was at my wit's end over what to do
while Misaki's lecture droned on ”Um, well then, after philosophy, we
have psychoanalysis! It seems to have been popular from around the
nineteenth century, after soht of it People
say that if you undergo psychoanalysis, your problems really do
disappear For instance, do you remember any dreams you had last
night? I'll analyze them for you Tell me what happened in your dreams,
Satou”
I told her ”A really huge, strong snake appeared It dove into the
ocean, and I stuck a thick sword into an apple Also, I blasted away all
around un”
Upon hearing this, Misaki withdrew another paperback from inside
her gigantic bag This one was entitled Dreale
Book, You Easily Can Grasp the Depths of Your Psyche!
”H to herself, she
was searching the index when suddenly, she looked away, face
reddening For sorasped the situation, even in the pitchblack
park
”Th-that's enough Freud! Next, let's do Jung!” Misaki yelled loudly
”Hey! What are the results of my dream analysis? Misaki, tell me
what the big snake could possibly symbolize” I persisted, but she
ignored my attempts at sexual harassment
”JungThis guy argued with Freud, and it seems he went in a
different direction Well then, let's start a Jungian psychoanalysis”
”Hey, don't ignore me Wait a second!”
”As far as I can see, you're 'introverted,' and 'emotive'! You're afraid
of the 'Great Mother' Additionally, you also are fighting with the
The Revolving Rock
129
shadows How terrible! To learn more, please read this book” Misaki
once again pulled out a book and handed it to me This one was All
About Jung, Explained by Manga!
My head was starting to hurt, yet Misaki's lecture kept going And
going Fro to Adler to Lacan ”I don't understand Lacan! I just
can't lock on!”
I was stunned that she couldall the
while I wanted to go back tomy reaction,
Misaki boldly changed direction ”Oh, I' about all this
difficult stuff It seems that you really aren't suited to these academic
discussions, after all Satou That's okay, though We still have
tomorrow”
”Huh?”
”We're people, so it's painful”
I didn't say anything
”I feel bad for you, experiencing such troubles Let's look up as we
h You're fine the way you are You have dreams so
you'll be all right You're not alone If you keep walking, you'll find your
path Everyone is cheering for you As you do your best, you shi+ne
You'll succeed if you keep ; so, let's
walk toward toht We're people
we're people, we're people”
Pulling Misaki's bag out of her hands, I upended it A load books
avalanched onto the ground: Public Health Service paperbacks
Intelligent Living paperbacks Quick Introduction to Psychoanalysis,
Complete Mental Illness Manual, The Book to Read When You Stuck in
Life, The Rules for Success in Life, Murphy's Ghost, Cerebral Revolution,
Welcome to the NHK
130
Mitsuo, Mitsuru, etc, etc
”Hey, Misaki, do you think I'm an idiot?”
Misaki gave me a look that said, ”No, I don't,” and she shook her
head
Anyway, after a week of interacting with Misaki, the only thing I truly
understood was how hard she was trying She really orking very
hard For the first few days, that effort stalled without result; while
working to the best of her ability, her passion was certainly real Of
course, I didn't knohere her true intentions lay or what she actually
was planning I didn't know, but I didn't really care, either
If hly rotten emotional state could be infused with even
just a little energy through this exchange with a girl, I would be happy
Even if it led to proble left to
lose Not to h
Eventually, I would be kicked out of o somewhere
else for another reason Either way, I would disappear soon Meeting
with Misaki was just a way to alleviate my boredom until that time
came
And because I was thinking in such irresponsible terms, I had no
trouble at all conversing privately with a girl I barely knew, despite the
fact that this situation was one that would usually cause a hikikomori
the greatest amount of stress possible
Of course, no ht be, I had no intention
of doing anything to her The sign at the park entrance read, ”Beware of
The Revolving Rock
131
Perverts,” but even given the way I looked, I was still a gentlemanly
hikikomori Please, don't worry, Misaki
”What? What are you grinning about?” she asked me
”Nothing, nothing More important, what's on today's special
training menu?”
Facingon the bench, as usual, Misaki peered into
her secret notebook ”Hht's menu is how to converse with
others”
”Eh?”
”In general, hikiko conversations Because
they're bad at speaking to others, they tend to shut themselves up in
their rooht we could reform that part of you”
”Oh”
”Therefore, starting noill teach you wonderful conversational
techniques Please, listen carefully”
Misaki started her lecture, periodically glancing at her secret
notebook as I listened carefully ”When talking to people, you get
nervous That leads to being at a loss for words, turning pale, or getting
excited These make your emotional stability erode even further, and
your conversation consequently gets worse and worse How can you
break this vicious cycle? The answer is easy: You'll be fine if you avoid
getting nervous Given that fact, how can you avoid getting nervous?
Well, why do people get nervous? It's because they lack confidence in
themselves You think your companions may make a fool out of you,
they may look down on you, or they may dislike you”
So what? I wanted to butt in, but Misaki's tone was serious
”Ulti confidence in
Welcome to the NHK
132
yourself Having self-confidence, in reality, is a pretty difficult thing to
achieve Truthfully, I don't think you'll be able to gain it through any
normal method; but I have a marvelous, revolutionary technique to