Part 14 (1/2)
Speaker Mullenberg, at the first Presidency, p.r.o.nounced on the question at a dinner where Was.h.i.+ngton was sitting.
”Why, general, if we were certain the office would always be held by men as large as yourself (how cleverly he shunned the use of either ”great” or ”grand!”) or Mr. Wynkopp there, it would be appropriate enough! But, if by chance a President as small as my opposite neighbor should be elected, his high mightiness would be ridiculous!”
The quarrelers were hushed, thinking if Douglas, the Little Giant, had preceded or should follow their colossus of six feet three!
LINCOLN'S OPINION AT THIRTY.
Diffident, but having been twice disappointed in love-making, Abraham wrote in support of a Miss Owen rejecting him: ”I should never be satisfied with any one blockhead enough to have me.”
THE BLANK BIOGRAPHY.
Lincoln had been reading from Edmund Burke's life, when he threw down the book with disrelish. He fell into his habit of musing, and on reviving, said to his a.s.sociate, Herndon:
”I've wondered why book publishers do not have blank biographies on their shelves, always ready for an emergency; so that if a man happens to die, his heirs or his friends, if they wish to perpetuate his memory, can purchase one already written--but with blanks. These blanks _they_ can fill up with rosy sentences full of high-sounding praise.”
He sent the ”Dictionary of Congress” his autobiography in a single paragraph of fifty words--as an example(?).
”THE HOMELIEST MAN UNDER GOVERNMENT.”
When General Lee surrendered to General Grant, one point was noticed by the spectators which, it was held, distinguished the Cavalier from the Puritan. Grant was in his fighting clothes and his every-day sword by his side, while General Lee, dressed faultlessly as a soldier should always be, carried a court sword, presented him as a honor by the Southerners. So, in wars, Providence does not flourish the showy weapon, but uses a strong and sharp blade without ornamental hilt.
Abraham Lincoln was the instrument of Heaven for work--ceaseless, b.l.o.o.d.y work, hard, for it was that least to his taste.
From boyhood the looks of the wood-chopper and river boatman were subjects of jeering. Whether the budding genius spurned such advent.i.tious aids as graces of person in his career, or was already a philosopher who believed that handsome is that handsome does is a winning motto, we may never know. It is enough that he joined in the laugh and kept the ball rolling.
On the loss of a first love, one Annie Rutledge--a name he said he always loved--his friends were alarmed for his health and sanity.
They took away the knife every man carried in the West, and discovered it was the obligatory one presented to the ugliest man and not to be disposed of otherwise than to one still homelier.
There is a record of the clerical gentleman to whom Lincoln was justified in offering it, who died with it in his uncontested possession, in Toronto.
As is the custom, an office-holder going out of his seat calls on the President with his successor to transfer the seals and other tokens.
The unlucky man enumerated the good qualities of his subst.i.tute, and was surprised that Mr. Lincoln should dilate upon his with excessive regrets that he was going to leave the service. This Mr. Addison was indeed a first-cla.s.s servant, but uncommonly ill-favored.
”Yes, Addison,” said the chief, ”I have no doubt that Mr. Price is a pearl of price, but--but nothing can compensate me for the loss of _you_, for, when you retire, I shall be the homeliest man in the government!”
BETTER LOOKING THAN EXPECTED.